Upset by nursery comments about 3yo diet

I love eating spaghetti hoops cold out of the can! If others don't then that's up to them but there's nothing wrong with it. I think your DS' lunch is good considering he is picky - my own DS at a similar age didn't eat as much variety as yours does - he's now 7 & eats a varied balanced diet so its done him no long term harm

I was about to say this. Our nursery now doesn’t allow flavoured yoghurts, crisps, flavoured rice cakes etc in with packed lunches. They agree it’s a massive overkill but they basically can’t let them eat anything with added sugar! I suspect it’s more down to that, than your actual lunch so I wouldn’t take it personally (I got asked not to put 1/4 pack Pom bears and one of those baby collective yoghurts in, despite the rest of her lunch being carrots, cucumber, egg, cubes of cheese, pepper and fruit as those didn’t meet the guidelines).

Indeed. Ofsted and nurseries should understand that pre-schoolers have not read that memo.

Hey I’m a childminder. From September this year early years settings’ (including childminders’) nutrition guidelines have had a complete overhaul. You can look it up on government website. They have in my opinion gone a bit far because as soon as you go to primary school (inc school nurseries!) you get puddings and all sorts. The guidance is fine for me as I cook most meals from scratch for my toddlers and onus is all on me. What I have had to change is that instead of a tiny malted milk biscuit at snack time with fruit I’ve had to change it to rice cake. They basically want no sugar that isn’t fruit sugar. Absolutely no ultra processed food. No white bread. Only allowed natural or Greek yogurt - no flavoured yogurts etc. We have been told that we need very good reason not to follow this guidance and we have been told to give parents nutritional advice about packed lunches that contain food that is not in line with guidance. Unfortunately this means for your nursery if they were inspected by Ofsted and saw a load of “unhealthy” packed lunches they would mark the nursery down. They will ask us and ask to see comms with parents on this. This doesn’t just have implications on getting a good report but also on our ability to offer funding. Although I’m a massive advocate for healthy eating, I think it’s gone a bit far as I don’t really want to be telling parents how to feed their child. This is why I strongly advise my cohort to take and pay for my lunches. I have a really strict packed lunch policy.

I have a likely autistic 7 yr old and a very neurotypical seeming 4 yr old in every way, but her current food issues are maddening. We've just had an issue with nursery who used to happily make her an alternative lunch now only offering a sandwich on brown bread which she won't eat and 2 nights she was up crying because she'd been hungry all day and embarrassed to say. Nursery have said we can send a packed lunch and my plan is ham sandwich on white bread, cheese in cream crackers (because she won't eat the bread she'll pick the ham out) fruit and yoghurt. They've sent us the menu because there are some hot lunches they do that she likes. So she likes the baked potato, beans and cheese day, she likes the chilli and she likes the macaroni cheese. She goes 3 days a week and some of the lunches she used to love but they changed to make healthier (and they ARE healthier, brown bread, extra veg in what was previously a very plain tomato and cheese pasta, spinach in the curry but she now won't eat meals because they're not what she used to eat) at home her reliable meals are chilli, sausages and mash, baked potatoes with beans and cheese and fishcakes with peas and sweetcorn and scrambled egg. so she's not the WORST eater. She'll only eat pasta if it's macaroni cheese and only eat rice if it's egg fried ri there are days she wille at nothing for us but cream crackers and cups of milk though. My eldest had a lot of food issues at 4. He's still particular and not a fan of meat but eats enough variety to give him a fairly balanced diet so I live in hope she comes out the other side.

I have a sister who until she was 18 ate NOTHING but chicken, potatoes, white bread and pasta. There was period as a young child where I ate toast, scrambled egg and bananas and nothing else. As an adult I like 99% of food but am still undeniably fussy about some things.

My husband has never been fussy, doesn't get it and hates when he cooks something lovely and they won't try it.

I used to give DDs toddler ready meals sometimes "pasta with cheese, peas and broccoli trees" for their dinners at the childminder's. Typically when we'd had something for dinner that was not reheatable the next day. I don't see that tinned spaghetti is much different from this other than mine had a tiny smidge of veg in to make parents feel better about it. OP has put a bit of fruit/veg on the side.

Plus three year olds are often fussy. DDs both had fussy phases at this age. My friend's DD ate nothing but Weetabix and sausages for a year. I'd ask the nursery what are their "healthy" suggestions - and you will likely find yourself pointing out that they are no better than what he is having. Also ask them whether they'd rather look after a whingey three year old who hasn't eaten properly.

I work at a infant school and the amount of school dinners that end up in the bin is ridiculously high...we encourage them to eat but can't force them, and I do feel many go hungry as it's not their choice of meals. So if your child is eating something that's a win win situation so don't worry about it.

The spaghetti hoops are a bit high in salt, but if he will eat them then fine.

The yoghurt might be high in sugar depending on the brand and flavour.

Maybe send in some salad for your DS to ignore.

You are sending him with food he will eat, that's the most important thing.

@Worriedalltheday Do you really think this child will eat home made pasta? Also tinned pasta is already cooked.

Yes and no …. They probably/maybe (not sure of daycare requirements) have to say something-as it isn’t the best BUT but as a parent of fussy potentially AFRID kid I would tell them unless they can miraculously get your child to eat other foods then their opinion is not required or helpful. Sometimes fed is best…. I’m sure you would love to send different , healthier foods but this is the battle you face , your reality and they are just not helping.

Do you mean you literally dump a can of the hoops in a container as his lunch? No cooking it prior just empty straight from a can? That is just grim if so.

make a proper pasta in tomato sauce. The rest sounds fine

that seems like a decent packed lunch to me, maybe speak to them for a further explanation about what they actually mean and also explain the situation to them.
try not to stress OP, you’ve done nothing at all wrong here x

I think that’s a good lunch!

When did it change for you? And did you keep
giving them potato waffles or try other new things? Mum of a fussy 3 year old here!

I would ask them what specifically is unhealthy in his lunchbox. I don't think what you're giving him is that bad, I've worked as a lunchtime supervisor and have seen much worse than this! Including one little boy who used to bring 3 chocolate bars and a bottle of cherryade!

Our nursery introduced my 3 year old to Haribo by giving it as ‘treats’ at Easter etc whilst at nursery without my consent! Laughable that your nursery could do similar and then has an issue with spaghetti hoops.

Her school is the same, gives cakes, chocolate biscuits, hot dogs, chips etc for school lunches and then (I kid you not) told me I wasn’t allowed to provide natural yoghurt in a reusable pouch because it wasn’t healthy enough!!

Ignore them knowing your child is getting a good variety in the circumstances

I would try and switch your morning and night time bottles to cups. Bottles are bad for teeth. (My 15 yo DC still has a cup of milk morning and night).

Just looked up Spaghetti hopes (detest the things); Heinz variety are 41% tomato and half a can is apparently one of your five a day. It has added iron and vitamin D. Otherwise a bit lacking in nutrients and a bit high in salt for kids but not terrible.

Other than the spaghetti hoops being cold (which sounds grim 🙈) I think all this sounds fine and wouldn’t be concerned. There’s a couple of servings of fruit, some dairy and some fibre, nothing particularly sweet/sugary. To be honest my sons nursery provides lunch but if they didn’t I think my attempt at a packed lunch would be similar if not worse.

I mean cold spaghetti hoops is certainly an acquired taste but none of this feels awful! My 2.5yo had a pot of yoghurt and a kiwi for dinner as she refused her main meal 😂 sometimes she is so picky it's very frustrating, but I do know for her at least if she doesn't eat her dinner she doesn't wake up hungry so I don't stress about it. I don't make her alternative meals but always offer fruit/yoghurt for dessert. She will eat if she's hungry enough. But I appreciate this is not the case for all children especially if they're neurodiverse so sometimes you just have to do what works!

Spaghetti hoops typically have either a lot of sugar or sweeteners in.

Toddlers often seem picky because their appetite reduces. They need far less food and are often offered more than they need, so they will refuse anything that isn't their favourite and fill up on easy, palatable consistent foods, like starchy carbs, yoghurts & other dairy (cheese) and processed meats. They are often given snacks (many of which are too calorific and spoil their appetite for meals).

If you offer much smaller quantities of these, reduce snacks to only salad or berries/apples, and let their appetite return, they will (over time) start to accept more vegetables, unprocessed meat & fish.

Put it back on them. Explain that you wanted to send food that you knew DS would eat, but if they are happy to sit with him and ensure he eats everything, you will send more variety.

Sometimes kids will eat food at nursery that they wouldn't at home, so try this as a way to increase variety in his diet. (Obviously still send food that he likes so you know he will eat something!) If he doesn't eat the new food, then ask nursery what they are trying to get him to eat. Then go back to sending the food you are now and state that if they can't get him to eat, you will send food that you know will get eaten so he has enough calories and you aren't wasting food.

Maybe a member of nursery staff could pop by on their way to work and make a nutritionally acceptable meal for your child! What? No time because they are dealing with their own special needs child -well I never🙄

For a child with that profile that is an amazing diet. My DS would eat nothing but potato waffles as a toddler/pre-schooler. I literally (in the true sense of the word) mean nothing else. I understand the need to eat well but the utter obsession with healthy eating that is everywhere at the moment is tiresome.

I don’t understand the obsession schools/nurseries have about a kids diet. I’ve never known a forty year old that only eats chicken nuggets. Kids grow out of it. It’s hard enough to just get through every day, especially dealing with everything you are dealing with. My advice for what it is worth, is smile, nod and ignore every word. Spaghetti hoops, fine, white bread, fine, cheese, fine, fruit fab! Let yourself off the hook, you are doing a great job. Put it into the stuff I'm going to ignore bag and carry on as before. Good luck! 😉

God knows what teachers today would have made of our school lunches years ago. I had a marmite sandwich on white bread and two digestive biscuits every single day for years. Not a carrot stick or a cucumber slice to be seen, but it didn’t mean we had unhealthy diets and didn’t eat any fruits or veggies at all!

I thought that would be much worse! It’s clearly the spaghetti hoops as I can’t see what else could make them say it wasn’t healthy. Would he eat cold baked beans (for fibre/protein)? I mean - pick your battles, right? You’ve clearly got a lot on your plate. Don’t beat yourself up - it sounds fine.