To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

Yes it IS the same as a wedding in that YOU have invited the guests no matter what the occasion.

Well said 👌

Agreed ..
Also the stupid comment about UNI students 🙄..
Actually what generally happens is every one chips in for the Home made curry & drinks for whoever’s bday it happens to be ..

I don’t think there is a normal. I always expect to pay for my share of the bill, always! I have been treated on occasion of someone’s birthday and I have bought everyone dinner on my birthday. It’s a lovely surprise when someone decides to do it but no one should ever expect it.

No I don't see things as black and white particularly. I suppose we all have things we would do and would not do. I'd never actually considered any of this until I got into this discussion on MN.

I hold my hand up to the mince comment because you don't seem to get that your way is not the only way.

Do you always see things in such a black and white way?

Also, you have no idea where I come from, my priorities or my finances. People can have different perspectives, without resorting to insults like 'thick mince.' What I am saying on here is just how I was brought up, And I'd never even been in a restaurant, I don't think, until I was about 15. As I said, where I come from, hospitality matters and this is just how I see things.

Yes, same. We might do cards for a big birthday, but no gifts other than buying the birthday person a drink / possibly chipping in for their meal.

I didn’t …

You keep mentioning gifts, but what if there aren't any? My friends and I don't usually bring gifts to birthday meals. With one group, many years ago, some of us brought small token gifts.

The birthday is more of an excuse for a meal out than a party with invitations.

At least I didn't need to lower myself to calling anybody 'thick as mince' or 'insufferable.'

But why the need to act all superior about it? Like your way is how it should be done and any alternative is crass or entitled?

Your throw away comments about hosting at home or buying drinks etc are really tone deaf. You obviously don’t know any poor people (or at least I hope you don’t) as you’re completely oblivious.

As I have repeatedly said @HighLadyofTheNightCourt , you do you.

To me, hospitality is very inportant so I wouldn't invite anyone to my birthday if I couldn't at least offer them something. That is my norm and I'm far from being the only one!

In my circle of friends is customary for people to buy the birthday girl/boy a drink. Not the other way around.
But then again we don’t buy gifts just to expect something in return. We buy gifts because we like our friends.

Bangs head against a brick wall.

It is different.

If I invite people to my house I am the host and I provide food and drink accordingly. If I ask people if they would like to join me for a meal at a restaurant I am not the host. We discuss among ourselves where we would like to eat. None of us pay for anything other than our own meals and there is no expectation from anyone that the person celebrating their birthday should pay for everyones meals, because that is customary for us.

Why is that so difficult to understand?

I appreciate that your way is right for you, so why do you think that the majority of us who don't celebrate birthdays the way you do is wrong?

Why? Just why?

You seem increasingly insufferable and rather arrogant

And thick as mince, or should it be as thick as a thick fillet steak?

And if you don’t have a house big enough?

And I think if you decide that you absolutely must go out for dinner for your birthday somewhere you can't afford to pay for your guests, the least you can do is buy them all a drink for being do kind as to show up for you with a gift.

You seem increasingly insufferable and rather arrogant

Even kids at uni on student budgets - obviously they can't afford to take 20 mates for dinner. So what they might do instead, is make a big curry or whatever, and host people that way. The point is, they are providing something to say thanks for coming and thanks for the gift - it's the gesture that counts.

People should host the party they can afford; if that's a picnic in the park with coke and crisps and homemade sandwiches, so be it.

That’s pretty difficult to organise if your birthday falls between about October and April…

It really is pretty standard these days for people to pay their own way for a restaurant meal. Perhaps posters saying otherwise haven’t kept up with modern etiquette.

If I was hosting a party, not organising a meal, it would be different.

Why is it so different? If I asked people to my house for my birthday, I would make it worth their while. Same in a restaurant. Same if I had my birthday anywhere - in the park, on the beach, in a pub, doing an activity, on holiday - wherever.

Again, if you have a fixed group of friends and your tradition is you pay for yourselves, then that's what you do.

But as a general rule, nobody is entitled to do anything, just because that's what they happen to want. I'm sure we'd all love to do all sorts of things. Fine, just don't feel entitled to do it at other people's expense.

Thankfully my friends like me and I like them. Not one of us had they had an issue paying for our own food and drinks if we’re invited out for a meal to celebrate a friend’s birthday.
Calling people entitled or crass for inviting friends out for a meal with the expectation that people pay for their own meal is just awful. Telling to people to have the celebration they can afford by hosting at home is tone deaf. As for a picnic in the park with Coke and crisps … how patronising can you get? Also, I’m guessing you’ve never been to the north of England in autumn and winter?
Celebrating your birthday in a restaurant with your friends should be pleasurable and isn’t a huge ask. If you don’t want to or can’t afford your own meal then don’t go. It’s not a summons.
It’s obviously a shock to you that not everyone is wealthy, not everyone has the ability to save huge sums of money and not everyone has a house big enough for a party or lives somewhere where outdoor celebrations can be held mist of the year round.

I would expect everyone to pay for themselves.

However, I'd be mindful of the budget when I chose where we were going. I'd rather have bums on seats somewhere cheap than a meal somewhere expensive that half of the people can't afford.

No one "deserves" to celebrate their birthday in any particular mode or style. Come on. It's not "disgusting" to point out that some people can afford things that others can't.

I know people who fly to Paris or NYC for birthdays; is it "disgusting" to observe that not everyone can afford to do that?

People need to adjust expectations to what they can afford. Putting others to expense in order to have a "me, me, me!!!!" celebration is rude. People should host the party they can afford; if that's a picnic in the park with coke and crisps and homemade sandwiches, so be it.

There's nothing stopping friends from organizing something, but if they don't step up and do so, it's rude to spend their money for them.

If a friend cares enough that they want me to be there celebrating their 50th, they're not paying for my meal. I'm going. In fact, they're not paying for their meal either.