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Original poster

To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

660 replies

tricerotopsrule · 25/10/2025 22:48

I was thinking of inviting around 15 pals out for dinner to a nice restaurant to mark my 50th birthday. Normally for ‘normal’ birthdays for mine or others we have all paid for our own meal. But given this is a big birthday I wondered if I should pay for everyone? When I’ve been out for other big birthdays sometimes folk have paid for everyone and other times people pay for themselves.

What’s the norm?? WWYD?

OP posts:
socialdilemmawhattodo · 25/10/2025 23:15

I've done different over the years. So eg for my (now ex) H 40th we set a restricted fixed price menu at a great local restaurant- guests paid for their food, we picked up nibbles/pre meal drinks, all wines/soft drinks,coffees/post meal liquers etc. For other big birthdays I've fully hosted smaller numbers. Definitely communication is key.

Nsky62 · 25/10/2025 23:14

zazazaaar · 25/10/2025 23:10

Literally never have been to a meal paid by the birthday person and Im 52 and go out all the time.
I have countless times paid for the birthday person's meal.

Show quote history

Seems rude

CrocusVase · 25/10/2025 23:13

zazazaaar · 25/10/2025 23:10

Literally never have been to a meal paid by the birthday person and Im 52 and go out all the time.
I have countless times paid for the birthday person's meal.

Show quote history

I’m 47 and have experienced both.

IME it tends to be the generation above me who pay for everyone and my generation we pay for ourselves and chip in for the birthday person.

Keha · 25/10/2025 23:13

I think it depends how it is phrased.

If you put on a group chat something like "It's my birthday on Friday, anyone fancy going out for something to eat?" maybe followed up with "Any suggestions where, or there is that new restaurant we wanted to try .." then I would expect to pay for my own.

If you messaged to say "Id like to invite you to my birthday, this restaurant, this date, please RSVP by such and such". Then I'd be imagining you has arranged something specific and might wonder if you were paying. I probably wouldn't be certain until I got there and waited to see if there was a set menu or if you said something specific about what was happening.

justasking111 · 25/10/2025 23:11

Family my husband birthday I pay.

Friends again my husband birthday we had a set price menu at the table in the hotel. I covered all the drinks at the table.

Otherwise we all pay our own bills.

zazazaaar · 25/10/2025 23:10

Nsky62 · 25/10/2025 22:49

You invite you pay

Literally never have been to a meal paid by the birthday person and Im 52 and go out all the time.
I have countless times paid for the birthday person's meal.

WildLimePoet · 25/10/2025 23:09

What are inviting them for then? How weird.

Allseeingallknowing · 25/10/2025 23:09

Nsky62 · 25/10/2025 22:53

Why?

Show quote history

Because it could be very embarrassing when the bill arrives!

paulhollywoodshairgel · 25/10/2025 23:09

We’ve just had a meal out for my DH 50th. It never even crossed my mind to pay for everyone else?! Nor did our friends/family expect to be paid for….

Tourmalines · 25/10/2025 23:08

If you ‘invite’ someone that means you are hosting something and should cover the costs . If you don’t want to pay then you are just technically organising a get together. Make sure you tell them also .

Nsky62 · 25/10/2025 23:06

NerrSnerr · 25/10/2025 22:55

I think it depends on your group. In my group of friends I don’t think anyone could afford to pay for 15 people to have a decent meal, especially with drinks.

I set a £25 limit, at a good pub for my 60th, 3 years ago, they paid for drinks, 17 in total, worked well

CrocusVase · 25/10/2025 23:06

I think if nothing else this thread is proving that there isn’t actually a norm!

Member869894 · 25/10/2025 23:06

I would buy a few bottles of wine for the table

User5306921 · 25/10/2025 23:05

I could not afford to pay for 15 people (and I don't have 15 friends) so would only invite a couple of my close friends. Otherwise cook at home for them. If you cook, they will arrive with the drinks.

Alternatively you could send a message asking if anyone would like to meet up and go for dinner in whatever restaurant you all like but I wouldn't have it centre around your birthday. You could say they have an early bird on etc so its clear they will be paying for themselves. If they are close friends they will know its your birthday anyway?

That said I have always paid for myself at any birthday meals I have been invited to. The only people that pay for our meals are our parents and in laws who can comfortably afford it.

ByTwinklyDreamer · 25/10/2025 23:05

I went to a 50th where the host paid for two courses (we had to preorder as we’re a big group) and we then all paid for our drinks.

Alwaystired23 · 25/10/2025 23:05

I'd pay. I did the same for my 40th.

DPotter · 25/10/2025 23:04

In our family, the invitee pays for drinks and everyone buys their own meal. Works for us

Tink3rbell30 · 25/10/2025 23:04

They pay.

PurpleThistle7 · 25/10/2025 23:03

We had a ridiculous situation one big birthday where my husband had about 20 friends go out for dinner. Nothing fancy but the norm in that group was to just split it out and everyone pay for the birthday person. So he didn’t pay. A week later we went out for a friend’s same birthday but his cultural norm was to pay for birthday dinners… so my husband didn’t pay again. This was a very long time ago and I still remember how awkward we felt about it!

Basically I think either is fine and most groups of friends have one way they trend. If you can easily afford to treat I do think it’s nice though - then you can pick somewhere within your budget and no one has to worry about it.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 25/10/2025 23:01

PaddlingSwan · 25/10/2025 22:58

You invite, you pay, in the UK.

This has never been my experience, born and raised in England.

CrocusVase · 25/10/2025 23:01

I think this is one of those customs that is changing and currently depends on your social circle.

Traditionally, if you invite you pay.

However, the more modern etiquette (probably to do with cost) seems to be that everyone pays their own way but the host gets drinks for the table or something.

I think as long as you’re clear on the invitation either is fine.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 25/10/2025 23:01

I’m really surprised at the responses, unless you’re very wealthy I’d assume everyone would pay for their own meals 🤷‍♀️

It would cost you loads otherwise.

PaddlingSwan · 25/10/2025 22:58

You invite, you pay, in the UK.

NerrSnerr · 25/10/2025 22:55

I think it depends on your group. In my group of friends I don’t think anyone could afford to pay for 15 people to have a decent meal, especially with drinks.

nauticant · 25/10/2025 22:53

Tiredofwhataboutery · 25/10/2025 22:52

I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules. The trick is being upfront when inviting so there are no surprises.

^ This.