To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

I have attended dozens of birthday meals and always paid for myself, I would never expect the birthday girl/boy to pay! If anything, I would expect to be covering their meal.

If anything, I'd feel extremely uncomforable having my meal paid for, as I would feel there is an expectation of having the gesture returned. 15 guests at £40 ahead (average for dinner and soft drinks) would cost £600 - I could have a lovely spa weekend for that!

I think if you can afford to pay it's nice to treat everyone to celebrate your birthday with you. If you can't afford to pay then make it clear on invite they will have to pay for themselves.

When I was 17 I invited my workmates (8 of them) to a restaurant. I told them I could not afford to pay for everything but I would cover the drinks. Everyone bought their own food with no problem and there was a separate bill for the drinks. No one would expect a 17 year old girl in a junior position to have the money to pay for everything for 8 people.

So I dont think there is anything wrong with making it clear at the onset that people pay for themselves. Perhaps like me you could cover the drinks bill or provide x bottles of wine.

Among my friends, we would always pay for ourselves. At my mother's recent big birthday, we invited her siblings, godchildren, surviving in laws, my sister and I paid. My aunts and uncles said thank you, the godchildren tried to pay for themselves and cover my mother. So it can be a generational thing too

I’m confused. How do you ask anyone to go out for a meal with you without inviting them? (And seemingly paying according to everyone on here)

Surely 15 people wouldn’t expect you to buy all their meals? That’s bonkers!

If I invite people to my home I provide the food. Usually I cook it, but I would also pay if we got a takeaway. If we go out as a group of friends everyone pays for themselves, or, as with others on the thread, the person with the birthday is paid for by the others. If we go out with our adult children and their partners we always pay though.

It was my 50th birthday recently and I invited 17 friends out for dinner and paid for everyone. It was quite expensive but I always knew I'd want to go somewhere really nice for my 50th and that I'd want to pay. I'd have felt a bit cheeky if I'd invited them all to such a pricey restaurant then expected them to pay. Some my friends would have had no problems affording it but for others it would have been a bit of a stretch. So it was easier to just pay for everyone and I was happy to. It was a fab evening.

I think people are giving different opinions about very different situations. If someone sends a casual message to a WhatsApp group of friends asking the lines of, “Does anyone fancy coming out for a curry on my birthday (Sat 25th)? Tandoori Palace does great good and the set menu is only £20 a head” - then that makes it fairly clear that everyone will be paying for themselves.

However, if you are sent a formal invitation, “Please join me at Fancy Pants bar & grill on Sat 25th to help me celebrate my birthday.” - that to me is a formal invitation and the invitee will be paying. I recently received a formal invite to a very fancy restaurant for a male friend’s 50th in a few months, requesting a RSVP. There is no doubt in my mind that means he is paying.

Tbh, I get pissed off at the number of fully grown adults who still want people to make a big fuss about their birthdays, but expect those friends to fork out for it. If you can’t afford to pay for your guests, you shouldn’t expect them to mark your birthday. OR scale it down and just invite the 4 closest friends and pay for them. OR invite everyone round to yours and give them a home-made cottage pie/lasagne and cava (about £8 a btl). Cheap and cheerful. If you want more booze, just ask everyone to bring a bottle of whatever.

I'd pay. But we'd all be sharing two bags of chips 😂

If you're inviting people to celebrate your birthday, then you pay. If someone else is arranging it and inviting you, you don't pay for other people. If you're just going out with your friends for your birthday, then everyone pays.

It's her birthday! Why would she pay? Surely people treat the birthday girl?

in your friendship group maybe. It's really not a hard and fast rule, if anything I'd consider it quite outdated now. I don't think I've ever attended any meal with friends where the host has paid - if anything it's more likely attendees would cover the birthday person, although usually everyone just pays for themselves.

Apart from everything else it's illogical - what if someone suggests after work drinks to their colleagues? does that mean they're obligated to cover everyone else's rounds?

When does the hosting = paying obligation switch from a child's parent to the child themselves? 13? 16? 18? None of which most people have much money at. What if people want to do a joint event?

What if it's not a meal/drinks but going to the cinema or a gig - is the host still supposed to buy everyone's tickets like a teacher taking a group on an outing?

What if one friend in a group is in a different financial situation to the others - are they never allowed to celebrate their birthday if they can't cover everyone?

Whereas if the expectation is just everyone pays for themselves you always know where you are. You don't have to stress about whether your age/reason for celebration/type of event makes any difference.

I'd say either is fine OP as long as you make it clear up front.

Inviting people and not paying is really cheap!
If you invite someone to a wedding or wake or christening, you pay. If you invite someone to a party in your honour, you pay.
If you are a group of friends who meet up once a month for a meal, you pay for yourselves. But if you ask people to come to a venue you choose, to celebrate you, on a day and time of your choice, you pay.

Pay for the wine

I personally think that if you invite guests to celebrate a milestone with you, you should pay.

That said - my adult children and I were invited to a 60th birthday meal for one of their uncles (father’s family).

The celebrant and his wife chose the date, restaurant, time and menu.

At the end of the meal the bill arrived and was placed on the table in front of the celebrants wife who ignored it for several minutes, then opened it scrutinised it closely for several more minutes and said nothing. I felt uncomfortable so said ‘I can pay for us if you like’. Thinking she’d say ‘oh no, of course not, we invited you, we’ll pay’…….but no, she accepted, summonsed the waiter over and asked him to split the bill in 2. Fact is there were 4 of them 3 of us, but I ended up paying over £400 (half the bill).

I was pretty disgusted.

I agree, really surprised so many people saying you invite you pay. Not my experience and would never expect it to be paid for if invited for a meal for a birthday!

I would expect to pay for my meal, and often chip in for the birthday person's meal too. I don't think I've ever been for a birthday meal where that's not been the case and I am in my fiftiea.

Of course you have to pay.

I paid when I had mine. We all used to pitch in quite a bit and get a pretty nice gift for each other’s milestone birthdays.

Haven't read the thread, but I paid for the meal (and one drink each) at mine. It was in lieu of a 'proper' party.

If you are well off pay but it's not abnormal for everyone to pay for themselves.

If you are paying choose some kind of set menu, maybe tapas where they bring a selection. It's annoying if everyone orders the steak because its on you. The drinks bill will be huge.

I would never ever expect the birthday person to pay for everyone, and nor would any of my friends.
At my local naice pub the mains are £15/£20, that plus a couple of drinks and service charge for 15 people would easily end up being £500++. Who can afford that?!

Exactly this. We always chip in a bit extra to pay for the birthday person and often a cake too.

To me an invite means the person inviting pays, a organised event where everyone knows people pay for their own is another thing to me

I have no issues with either but a generic message to everyone explaining is needed

I do not agree with this. I would never expect a friend to pay just because she has invited me to a meal to celebrate her birthday! If anything, in my experience, we would all pitch in so that the birthday girl didn’t have to pay anything!