To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

It really hasn't been an expectation. I worked in restaurants for about 5 years and it was unusual for one person to pay for a birthday table.
I don't know many people with the spare cash to pay a few hundred quid for a meal.

No you don't.
No-one that I know does that.
There is no expectation to do that in my different circles - ever.

If you "invite" people to a meal to celebrate your birthday then you pay regardless of the venue; yours/pub/McDonald's/restaurant. So you chose something you can afford. I would be quite miffed showing up with a gift and still being expected to pay for someone's birthday celebration. Just keep it small and affordable.

Then again we have offered to take someone out for their birthday. In that case we pay.

Which is why we each pay for ourselves in bigger groups @CoffeeCantata
It really is the norm where I live to do this.

If DH and I just go out with another couple we split the bill in half because the difference might only be a pound or two, but if there was going to be a significant difference we would just pay for our own.

I’ve never been out for someone’s birthday meal at a restaurant and expected them to pay… where are pps getting this idea from?! Everyone has always just paid for themselves or we’ve split the bill and paid for the birthday girl’s meal. Other pps must move in much wealthier circles than I do!

I think it depends on what’s the norm among your friends/family. We always pay for ourselves but that’s always been the case so nobody expects otherwise

I suppose it depends on your background, but as far as I know (which may not be very far😀) big parties at restaurants is a newish custom. I mean, well-off people might treat another couple to a restaurant dinner, or possibly a few family members, but anything more than that and you’d either cook at home for them or hire somewhere and get caterers in?

To me, big parties in restaurants are the stuff of glamorous films. I don’t think you can ‘host’ in a restaurant AND expect your guests to pay, personally. If people are paying individually then it’s not your party! If you can’t afford the Hollywood largesse, do something else you can afford.

None of my friends would pay.
Except my richer family members.

I'm 65 and old fashion. If you invite, you pay.

I’ve got a few different friendship groups and we take it in turns to host the group. This way the cost of a get-together for the host is comparable to one share of a restaurant bill, often much less. Why don’t more people do this? It’s so relaxing and doesn’t strain anyone’s bank balance.

As a vegetarian non-drinker I hate group restaurant meals. I end up subbing the steak eaters and the boozers and no, I’m not going to go out on a limb and insist I only pay for my meal - that’s just embarrassing. I’ve been invited to a couple next month and I will not be going.

No there isn't. There really isn't. It is very much the exception to do this.
You must move in wealthy circles.

I agree with a pp that expecting to pick up the tab for everyone's meals is a mumsnet thing, but there are many mumsnetters on 6 figure salaries.

That's not the norm in my circle. A load of us went out to a local Indian restaurant for DH's 40th many years ago and everyone expected to pay for themselves.

Id pay if I was doing a big group thing. This is different to just a group of friends where we pay our way then cover the birthday person.

We haven't done this in a while if im honest. A friend did something last year but picked out dishes for the group (chinese). Im pretty sure the bill was around 1k. Would have been tons more had we all ordered separately.

Only on mumsnet would you have to pay for everyone's food if you invite people to a birthday dinner 🙄

I have a mix of well off and not well off family and friends. All different circles. When we go for dinner and invite each other out for birthdays/get togethers we know we are all paying for ourselves. It's never been assumed because we been invited that they have to pay? Actually if its a friends birthday we would all split the bill and pay the birthday persons meal! If we all have to pay for everyone's meal everytime we went for dinner, no one would meet up 🤦‍♀️

It's clearly not the norm though.

Thanks. I must admit the attempted class shaming of the previous reply was amusing to me, considering I am from a background of poverty and I've never met a poor person who would ask their invited guest to pay for a thing :)

It's always been a UK expectation that you pay for your guests.

People who have always had money are often tight fisted and oblivious to the fact that everyone can see it, in my experience.

Yes, have the party you can afford is a great motto. But as I originally said, if OP doesn't want to, or can't afford to pay, she just has to make that crystal clear and make sure they understand that paying for their own dinner is her gift.

im 46 and in the UK and this has NEVER happened in my friendship and family groups 🙄. It’s not a U.K. rule at all.

This isn’t a concrete rule in all circles. I’ve never experienced this at all. Wouldn’t expect it either. If anything i’d be buying the birthday woman or man a drink or two.

I think you’re right. My family were wc and the attitude was ‘Have the party you can afford!’

I think people (if they’re good friends) just enjoy getting together and frankly the poshness or otherwise of the catering is not the point.

OP - I would personally have them round to my house for food if money is tight rather than go out and ask them to pay for themselves, but if you do go for a restaurant meal you could say ‘No presents, please - your presence is all I want’ if they’ll be paying for their own meal.

This.. I don’t know anyone who could so it would be normal to pay for yourself.

Working class people, the ones I was born and raised by, would indeed NEVER be so cheapskate and rude to expect their guests to pay to an invitation to dinner.

Posher people do often try to take the piss though, though they are also well aware it's a rule.

My original comment is absolutely accurate.

Ime, the posher you THINK you are, the more expectation there is for the host to pay.

Genuinely wealthy people don't give a shit and go with flow on the night.

In my experience if you're ordering a meal from a menu you pay, if it's a buffet or set meal with only dietary preferences as option that the host has chosen they pay. Usually you buy your own drinks. We hosted a big birthday recently and covered buffet and a decent amount of booze that we'd preordered and had available. Once the drinks ran out or if people fancied something else they paid. It made the costs predictable and was a fab night.

My friend has invited me to a fancy restaurant for her birthday soon but we'll choose what we have. No way I'd expect her to pay for me and I'll probably buy a bottle of nice wine for the table.

In my circles if you invite everyone out for your birthday in the same way you’d invite to a party - you pay.

If friends suggest a meal to celebrate your birthday then usually everyone pays for themselves and covers the birthday persons meal. There’s a subtle difference in the set up.

I agree with others that you can invite and have people pay if it’s explicit at the start.

Mind you in my circles there is also no bill paying angst, no picking over bills. If anything people fight over wanting to pay for everyone -no CF’s.