To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

Depends, if close friends are saying, “what shall we do for your birthday?” Then saying shall we meet up in a restaurant is fine making it clear everyone pays their own way (if you can afford a round of drinks or wine on the table that is great but don’t if you can’t). If you send invitations to people you don’t regularly socialise with to attend your party at a restaurant then unless they are the kind of people you know always want to pay (because it’s normal in your circle) it’s fine to ask them to pay there own way but make it clear what the situation is then they can decline if out of budget

There are a lot of wealthy mumsnetters on this thread with wealthy friends.
In my world at parties at friends' houses they pay for the food and some drinks. People always take a bottle of something along as well.

Meals out - no-one ever pays for the group. We have always paid individually for what we have had. It means that I can order fillet steak if I want to without feeling guilty and neck half a bottle of wine without taking the piss out of the driver.

I eat out regularly with three different groups and this has always been the case. The pubs and eaateries round here are used to 14 people presenting their debit cards to pay for their portion of the meal. We also always make sure that the bill is covered and they get a tip. I guess I am lucky that none of us a are piss takers. They would get short shrift if they were.

I’d be really interested to see the age breakdown of the responses. I’m in my 40s and it’s quite unusual for my friends to have a spare - let’s face it nowadays - £1,000 to just whack down for a meal. It would mean a lot of pain for the birthday person whereas spreading it out would just bit a little for everyone.

It’s only on Mumsnet I’ve come across you invite, you pay.
I’ve always paid for my own meal. At my friend’s recent 40th meal, we all chipped in to cover her share when the bill came.
Possibly slightly different if it’s a family birthday meal. My parents or family of the older generation would probably pay for all.

I’d pay…. If we were eating a Tesco meal deal each. Never in my 45 years have I expected to be paid for of invited out for bday food. I’d label anyone who was expecting to be paid for a cheeky fucker in fact.

Most times I’ve been out, even for big birthdays, everyone pays. Once a friend paid for all the drinks and we each paid for our own food.
But I don’t move in circles wealthy enough to pay for 15 meals and drinks!

I planned and paid for it, also my not so well off friends could come, £25 to chose from menu and drinks they bought themselves, very clear on invite, 3 yrs ago
Have tiny house, so couldn’t do anything at home

But you’re not paying for their celebration? You’re paying for your own meal and drinks.

I find it extraordinary that so many people have never paid for their own meal when gathering for a friend’s birthday. You must move in very very wealthy circles if people can afford to pay for 15 or 20 others.

We are all high earners but will typically pay our own way at similar events. We also bring a present - we’re acknowledging a good friends birthday, and enjoying a meal out with a group of friends.

I've always been of the 'you invite, you pay' school of thought. Otherwise it strikes me like expecting others to pay for what you've chosen to do, irrespective of what their financial situation might be. I'm fortunate to be quite well off now but I took exactly the same approach during the looong part of my life when I was perma-skint, you just cut your cloth accordingly.

A party - you pay. A meal out everyone pays for themselves unless otherwise specified

I asked the (quite spendy) restaurant to offer fixed price menu and then asked everyone to choose their meal choices in advance so they knew exactly what they were signing up for. I supplemented the cost by paying £20 a person deposit which helped keep the cost down but there’s no way I could afford a meal and drinks for 20 people. Worked well.

PS My DH and I paid for a meal at a hotel for our whole family to celebrate our 40th birthdays - we hired one of their function rooms to accommodate small children. And within our family my parents would pay for a family dinner, as we have done when taking our teens plus friends out.

Amongst friends - no. We only pay then if we host at one of our respective houses.

People have different expectations but wording is important. There is a huge difference between "inviting", meaning you pay the costs of the people attending, and "join us for a celebration" which means pay your own way.

The problem is that over the years the word "invite" lost their original meaning and these days is about attendance.

I'm always eating out and have never had the birthday person pay for everyone, not once. I'd find it bizarre if the birthday person paid, it's their birthday. They should be treated instead of being the one to fork out hundreds.

On his 60th my husband invited and paid for lunch for around 30 friends and family. It was in a London ‘gastropub’. We paid as people had to travel. We don’t have children so have never had to pay for weddings or be Bank of Mum and Dad and felt we could afford it. I think it depends on your situation and you need to make it clear to guests what the arrangement is.

I think it's lovely if you really want to - but no one I know would assume that was your intent, so do make it clear beforehand. Alternatively you could pay a lump sum off the bill or pay for one aspect - drinks, desert, main or whatever. 15 people will add up! Some might stint themselves to keep your costs down, others might take advantage?

If I was attending someone's birthday dinner I'd expect to pay my share of the bill and a portion (split between the other attendees (not birthday lady)) of the birthday lady's bill also.

Happy birthday.

I think if you invite people then you pay. I did this recently for a big birthday of mine for 12 people in a nice restaurant. I also paid for wine, beers and soft drinks. It was in a private dining room of a nice restaurant in London.
By comparison it was cheaper than hiring a venue, buffet, live music for a bigger group of frinends, which was the other option. I really enjoyed myself too as there was no work to be done!

In our friendship group everyone pays for their own meals. I think it’s a lovely thing to do if you can afford it though. When you send the invite you can say, my treat!

There's a difference in my opinion between agreeing with some friends to go to a restaurant to celebrate your birthday and sending your friends an invitation to a party or event.

At the former, costs are shared with possibly the birthday person picking up the tab for some fizz. At the latter, all expenses are paid for guests.

I have never been to a 30/40/50 where the host paid for a meal although Inhabe been to lots in venues where there was money behind the bar for a few drinks for the guests and some light food put on.
Also been to ones in venues where it’s strictly been alcohol only.
just make it clear to people know what to expect.

in our friend group - and there’s about 13 of us - we have a meal but everyone pays themselves! Theres no way most people can pick up the tab for a group that big.

The alternative is have a party at your house and provide some nibbles and drinks. I did this and obvs everyone brought a load of booze too.

It’s fine to ask people to pay as long as they know in advance. I would buy some wine for the table/cover the first round of drinks.
In order to avoid an unfair bill splitting scenario I would pick somewhere that offers a set menu or buffet.

The main thing us to be clear:
. Join me for a meal, should be around £30 each plus drinks, here's the menu
. Join me for a meal, my treat, but buy your own drinks
. Join me for a meal, my treat, wine included.

Normally in these situations you get the restaurant to do like a set meal for say £50 a head. Then ask the guests to pay you for in advance so no awkward splitting of bill at the end. Then buy a few bottles for the table as your “contribution” and then others can pay for drinks as they go on the night.