To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

You aren’t wrong. But neither are we.

In MY social circle there has never been an expectation that the birthday girl/boy pays for everyone’s meal. It’s just not the done thing.
If you do it differently then good for you.

What is wrong is telling people they lack basic courtesy or calling them rude, entitled or crass.

Not everyone is wealthy enough to be able to cover the cost of a meal for 15 of their friends. In fact, I have friends who would struggle to cover the cost of a meal for 3 or 4 people. These are not young people either (another ridiculous assumption) they are people who are struggling with the cost of living, have been made redundant or have been dealt a truly terrible hand in life and have lost family members in very tragic circumstances or have suffered illnesses or injuries which limits their ability to work.

Some people on this thread would benefit from looking outside of their own bubble.

She doesn’t HAVE to cover the cost at all. If you read the whole thread you will see that for many people this isn’t the norm.
The age is Irrelevant. Not all 50 year olds are wealthy enough to be able to cover the cost of a meal for all of their friends. Also, not all 50 year olds have a partner. I have a friend who was widowed by the time she was 50. She had very little disposable income as she’d been raising her children as a single parent.

The assumptions being made on this thread are becoming quite grating.

No. I'm not wrong either.
What you do might be the done thing in your friendship group, but it isn't the done thing in mine and that of many people who have responded to this thread.

So, neither of us are wrong. If you had asked me to join you in a restaurant for a meal for your birthday I wouldn't expect you to pay for me.

Most of us can't afford to pay for 15 people's meals and drinks, which it is why it is not considered rude for people to pay for their own meals, and in some cases cover the birthday person's meal because that is customary amongst us. It is an extremely usual practice among the different friendship groups I'm in, so it isn't being tone deaf at all.

@hopsalong Great. You can afford it. Good for you. If you had bothered to read some of the posts on here you will realise that this doesn't happen in most friendship groups and there is no expectation that everyone should get their meals paid for.

So, in YOUR experience I'm wrong.

But that doesn't mean I'm wrong.

It's a matter of basic courtesy. You don't put friends in situations where they're obliged to pay to please you. It seems to me that it's the "tone deaf wealthy posters" who would pull that stunt.

You’re 50, not 25. Of course you have to cover your guests’ meals! Anything else would be unthinkably rude in my book. But it’s your birthday, so the nice thing would be for your partner to cover it. And not just part of it, everything that people order while sitting at the table. My DH will be 50 next year and I imagine we’ll do something similar — with me paying.

"You people"

Good grief!

You people? As in people who don't have a lot of money?

No. Not in my circle. Again, no one would be able to afford it.

What do you mean by ‘you people’? Jesus Christ at least try and hide your disdain 🙄
Me and my friends are very generous with each other but in the opposite way to you. If it’s my friend’s birthday then I want to treat them. And they do the same.
We also treat each other throughout the year. I’m currently away working and I’ve bought my friend and her kids presents. I’ve actually gone out of my way to buy her son a local product i know he’d like.

Would you people ever buy a round of drinks on any other day of the year?

No. If it’s a big birthday then their husband/wife/partner might bring a cake but not always.
A regular birthday might result in someone telling the restaurant and they often bring out a small cake for the birthday girl/boy.
The custom is also that people buy drinks for the birthday girl/boy, not the other way around.

No it's not up to the birthday person to 'provide' anything. You really don't get it do you? You're not 'hosting' anything, not every celebration needs a host. It's 2025. The group go out together to celebrate someone's birthday, and usually people buy drinks for the person who's birthday it is and sometimes, if someone suggests it beforehand, they cover the birthday persons meal. It's about making a friend feel special on their birthday, going along to celebrate with them and making sure they have a nice time.

Birthday cake is the norm in my circle. No wine or rounds of drinks.

Do the people who have to have birthdays in restaurants but just pay for themselves, ever provide anything like wine, a round of drinks, birthday cake?

I’m interested to know why you think it’s ghastly to want to celebrate a birthday and treat people close to you because you’ve invited them?🤪 Is it ghastly because it isn’t what you do?

The clue is in your words "in my experience"

In my experience the person whose birthday it is doesn't pay for everyone else, and their friends have no expectation that they would.

Otherwise, to put it crudely, it's rather like: Come and fork over some money to do me homage.

No it isn't. It really isn't.

I see the tone deaf wealthy posters who live in big houses still don't understand that other people's friendship groups have different social norms that are acceptable to them.

I did type a sarcastic reply but decided to not take the piss, however tempting it was.

It might surprise you to hear that some people live in houses that are so small that a party of any size is impossible.

Or one meets up in a restaurant where everyone chips in, if that is the norm for one’s social group.

Then one invites fewer people.

Not everyone has a house big enough … this has already been addressed dozens of times 🙄

I‘m sorry your friends don’t adore you. Mine love me and vice versa so I’m always happy to spend money to celebrate them on their birthday.

From your username you’re in the US.

This could well be something where cultural norms differ.

Exactly! So you don't do it! You throw a party at your own house, where you control the budget and the menu. Or you find a restaurant that does a cheap brunch.
What one friend of mine did once was to have a party at a bar where, if memory serves, there was a clear implication that people would buy their own drinks. (It was a very disappointing party, by the way.)

Lol. You think I'm going to read 25 page of responses for something that's basically just a trivial etiquette question?
Just because people don't agree doesn't mean there's no traditional norm. People wear black to weddings now, but that doesn't mean it's the norm. If you expect people to pay, you should announce it upfront - but I still think it's tacky.

Paying for a dinner if you're inviting it to honor yourself certainly is the norm in my experience.

Otherwise, to put it crudely, it's rather like: Come and fork over some money to do me homage.

The woman was literally a stalker and she eventually went off grid.