To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

I don’t think there’s a rule really but do make it clear as different people may have different expectations.

Eg “I’d love it if we could all go out for dinner for my birthday, I’ll pay for a few bottles of wine/£x towards the bill etc etc”

You would have to include the menu and prices if you expect them to pay. You could pay for the meal, but drinks to be bought after the first 'welcome' drink, which could be a choice of juice / white wine. I think a small party in a hall with a buffet would be a cheaper idea if money is an issue. Or how about a 'Bring a bottle party' at your house. That was how we celebrated everything back in the 60's/ 70's Just provided the buffet food.

They sound clueless!

It kind of makes it worse... A glass of warm white wine, doesn't it!

It is expensive... Usually in my experience... People either pay the total bill or pay the first 30£/whatever... Then if folk want expensive cocktails they can cough up.

Or you do something at home..

Not classy... I'd be unimpressed...

He should host at home if can't afford to host

Nah!

Sorry this is bad form...

If you want everyone to go to restaurant the default is you host/pay.. (unless you explicitly say... Can we all pay for ourselves...but some people may not come as can't afford it...

If you can't afford, do something at home...

Also if you’re going to a restaurant you’re not ‘the host’. You are a customer along with everyone else.

I can’t imagine ever being able to celebrate my birthday with friends if this was the case.

I agree with this. Just make it clear either way.

Personally I’d pay because in my social circle the last few milestone birthday events I’ve been to, the host has paid for all the guests. But it more depends on what the norm is in your circle and how you feel and if you can afford it basically.

Come on. You don’t understand that hosts foot the tab?

I think it takes a lot of gall to ask people to spend their discretionary funds to “celebrate” oneself. Anyone who wants a party in their own honour needs to pay the bill or do without.

I do think family is different for some reason.

So we invited 10 family members out for DS birthday and we paid.

But for our own birthdays with our friends everyone pays for themselves.

For DH 50th we had a party at home and obviously we paid for all food and drink, although people did also bring things to contribute

I’m 56 and have I’ve never heard of the “you invite, you pay” rule, but maybe I’m just not posh enough to know anyone who could afford to pay for 15 people at a fancy restaurant!

Pay for some bottles to wine to last the evening for you and your guests. Including a bottle of cheap champers or similar to toast your birthday.

But let them pay for their meal

If they bring you a present, that will be a bonus

Have a Great Birthday

Best Wishes
🍾🍴🎉🎈
X

I had my family out for a curry, can’t quite remember how many people - but I paid for it, beats having a relative start arguing over only having 1 drink and no starter…

When we invited 10 other couples to a very nice restaurant to celebrate my husband‘s big birthday we said to everybody could we split the food bill equally and then we would pay for all the drinks? Everyone was very happy with that. I must point out that when we all normally go out for special occasions, we do just split the entire bill equally, but as this was a big birthday we wanted to push the boat out a bit. It basically meant that we paid for half of the evening and the other couples paid for the other half between them. Maybe you could consider something along those lines?

Just had similar...we all paid for the food we eat. No issue as it was expected

You pay if I was invited to a 50th birthday party I would expect the host to pay.
My Brother in law organised a meal out for Sister in laws 40th and made a big announcement when we all got there that we paid for our own food and drinks. Even telling the bar staff and waiters. Tight fisted sod.

This is an unusual custom in uk I've only had it a couple of times the organiser paid. I think it's a bit more of a thing in some European countries in terms of inviting and paying for everyone but I also find the cost equivalent about half price at the places we eat - nice restaurants but not in posh or touristy towns

Depends on your social circle. There is no way I’d be able to afford everyone in a restaurant. I can only just afford myself! But my friends and family are all in the same boat so we’d all expect to pay for ourselves.

I paid for everyone's meal and drinks for my 50th. They were unaware as we announced it at the end. Everyone bought their own drinks from the bar but drinks bought with the meal we paid. It was lovely and everyone was really grateful. There were about 15 of us. I had it in a Spanish tapas and we had a private room. If you can afford it do it. Makes the evening all the better

The most stingy couple I ever met - the people who never buy a round of drinks or coffees, ever - tried to have a 40th party once. In Reading of all places, even though everyone lived in London. Why? Because the DH happened to work in Reading 😐 So they asked people to go to a bar in Reading on a Friday night. The invite stated - "Please arrive for 7.30 for .... wait for it .... A FREE GLASS OF WHITE WINE." Woohoo!!!

They actually expected people to finish work (mostly in London) on a Friday evening, then get to Reading for 7.30 by train or car. Those who have kids would need babysitters and then obviously people would have to get home again.

So, costs for guests - travel, babysitting, gift, drinks after THE FREE GLASS OF WHITE WINE, food (if indeed there was any available at this bar) and possibly a hotel if they didn't want to drive home.

This couple were genuinely baffled as to why nobody wanted to go.

I completely agree with this. I'm surprised at how many people think you should pay for everyone's meal and would also be more inclined to expect them to pay for your meal if anyone's doing any paying.

For a friend's birthday meal out it's always been a case of we pay for ourselves, with family mostly paid for by the parents bt not always.

No one would expect you to pay for it all IME. If you feel awkward about it just say you will be providing some bottles of wine for the table or pay for their first drink. This denotes pay for selves but kind gesture of free drinks? Xx

OP I’ve just spoken to to my sisters and friends about this (as I also have a big b’day in 4 months!) they were shocked when I told them about this thread that people saying the host pays for everything. This is what my sister said which I agree with: you only pay for everything if you are hiring a venue then of course food would be paid but people buy own drinks, if you going to a restaurant then it’s common sense in real world everyone splits the bill and sometimes you would cover the birthday person, one of my friends said she would never have a birthday dinner if she had to honour everyone’s drinks plus food there’s just no way anyone would do this.

That's the amount I can afford, the point is it works for any budget. I've hosted parties that are just bowls of Tesco crisps when that's what I could afford.