To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

but it’s a meal in a restaurant? You seem rather insufferable. Perhaps you do not have any friends to invite to worry about such things

It’s infuriating!
Along with the ‘ only do that you can afford’. Well
some of my friends can barely afford to pay their bills. Does that mean they never get to celebrate with friends?

I can’t comprehend the mindset of people only being happy to celebrate a friend’s birthday if their expenses are covered. I’m surprised they don’t send them a bill for travel and babysitters 😂

Lack of reading comprehension IMO.

It ISN'T a party @No5ChalksRoad
It's a meal.

I honestly think some people on here don’t actually like their friends. I can’t get my head around the idea that if I choose a restaurant then I must pay. If I consult you, then you’re happy pay for yourself? Is that right?

Thankfully my friends aren’t so high maintenance.

Going out for a meal isn’t a party. It’s going for a meal. Why are people acting like she’s throwing a party and charging for tickets?

It’s a meal in a restaurant. With a menu where YOU choose your own meal. It’s not a catered party.

Depends what you can afford. Relatives of mine could and did pay for everyone's food. People got their own drinks from the bar - golf club

I couldnt afford that so Id probably pick somehwere with set price menu and say to people if they want to come its the full dinner amount upfront. Then pay for own drinks on night or find a byo.

Of course not but the fact is that the OP isn’t organizing a group meet, she’s organizing a party for herself, to her liking, but wants everyone else to fund it.

I wouldn’t expect to have a free meal either. You could say you’ll pay for bubbles and wine though which would be a nice gesture.

So if you don’t get to choose the restaurant then you don’t think you should pay? That’s utterly ridiculous.

Usually the restaurant can send you a menu with the price listed and you can send these out with the invitation saying the set menu is £50 or whatever it costs if they want to join you for your birthday celebrations. That way it will be clear that anyone attending pays for their own mea. You can buy some wine to start people off if you want to.

A mutually agreed upon meetup where everyone gets a say in the timing, choice of restaurant, etc, is quite different to one person unilaterally specifying a time and place “to mark my 50th birthday.”

But the OP isn't talking about hosting a party. She is talking about inviting some friends to enjoy a meal in a restaurant with her to celebrate her birthday.

Some mumsnetters can afford to pay for everyone's meals, but the vast majority of people can't.

Those of you with archaic views on this seem to think that you can never go out and enjoy the company of friends if you can't pay for them. What a miserable way to live.

For my 50th, I invited anyone who wanted to celebrate to a meal on the day of my birthday. It never crossed my mind that they would expect me to pay for them, and luckily, it never crossed their minds either!

But don't feel too sorry for these poor people that I ripped off, as I threw a huge party in summer which I paid for.

Sometimes MN is a different planet.

I know for a fact that even if I did try to pay for the full meal my friends would just transfer me the money anyway. And vice versa.

Nope. In practice, if it's a family group, the head of the family might pay, or I might pay because normally my parents do and I want to treat them and the other relatives (siblings, kids). But 15 women going for a celebratory meal? You think it's normal for one from the group to pick up the tab for 15 plus themselves? In my local restaurant that would be £800 or more. Pub might be cheaper. But seriously? No. That's not normal - everyone pays for themselves, and then it doesn't matter if Brenda's had a starter AND a pudding AND two £12 cocktails, and the birthday girl doesn't have to sweat about the bill.

It's not rude and crass to go for a meal with mates and expect everyone to pay for their own choices. This meal just happens to be on the occasion of your birthday and they are celebrating with you.

There’s a difference between a meal out with friends and a party. Something which is clearly lost on some people!

It’s rude and crass to hold a party for oneself at one’s guests’ expense.

Why would you assume that everyone behaves like you ? How odd

100% this.
The idea that you can only invite friends to celebrate your birthday in a restaurant if you can afford to pay for them all is such an alien concept to me.
There aren’t many people I know who could afford to do this. And none of us would want them to anyway.

Friend picked up bill for her partners 50th, nice restaurant, but only 6 of us. I transferred her the money for ours as I think she hadn’t really thought it through! She seemed grateful….

Hard disagree. So You are saying that people can't celebrate their birthdays with a meal out with friends unless they are wealthy. How mean spirited

You obviously aren't reading the many, many, many posts where the person inviting friends out for a celebratory meal does not see this as "etiquette" (an out of date and archaic "rule" IMO), nor do they see themselves as "hosting". They are merely inviting friends to join them.

Why should the birthday person stay at home and not celebrate their birthday with a meal because they can't afford to treat 10 or 15 people to a slap up meal with drinks?

You are so out of touch.

In my 40+ years of eating out in restaurants with friends for various celebrations - birthdays, anniversaries, hen dos etc never has the person celebrating paid for everyone else. We have always paid for ourselves, and in some cases paid for the birthday person.

A house party is different. The host provides all the food and some drinks, and guests always bring bottles of wine and beer as well. The same goes for a function in a function room with a buffet.

Would you decline an invitation to a birthday meal if they weren't paying for you?

Exactly! And people are choosing their own food and drinks. If I knew someone else was paying I’d feel like I should be mindful of that. Whereas when I’m paying for my own meal I choose exactly what I want with my own budget in mind.

What’s really clear from this discussion and the many other threads like this is, it’s absolutely not the default.

It might be in your social circle but it really isn’t in others.

I would either pick up the food bill or pick up the drinks bill . Have fun !!