To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

Lots of people spend "hundreds" to host parties, especially for milestones like weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. It's hardly unheard of.

The thing is to host what you can afford, and if that is pigs in blankets and crisps at home, then that is what it is.

I find it incredibly odd that you feel only your experience is really valid and no one’s else’s could really be true

This.

But I agree with others,
there's no hard and fast rules, but you MUST be clear on the invitaiton about who is paying for what.

It would be a very big expense to pay for 15 people wouldn't it? Maybe you could pay for the food (if there's a set menu, say) and let people buy their own drinks. Or pay for (say 5?) bottles of wine and some water for the table and let people pay for their own food.

Genuinely never happened to me with a restaurant meal, except for my dad paying at family dinners. I've been to birthday parties where the host has paid for some pizzas or finger food for everyone (e.g. when hosted in a room in a pub), but that's a different scenario. In fact with restaurant meals I've sometimes seen the opposite - the guests trying to pay collectively for the birthday person's share.

I find this thread incredibly weird. How can you expect the host to fork out so much money on their birthday! I never heard of this imagine it being your special day and you having to spend hundreds! A meal out is NOT the same as having a party. I would be really embarrassed if host wanted to pay for everyone and I would on purpose order the cheapest dish but that’s just me I suppose MN is a whole world apart

It might be cultural, regional or generational, but I don't class eating out with friends for their birthday as paying to attend. I class it as eating out with a friend who also happens to have a birthday.

It's the same as going for a social meal with my book group friends or any other social group I belong to. A party is different. A meal out is not a party.

And paying for your own meal is not paying for someone’s celebration.

An invitation isn’t a summons. If you don’t want to spend your money celebrating your friend’s birthday then don’t.

I enjoy spending time with my friends and I don’t need them to pay me to spend time with them.

See I find that odd. I would always think that the person surely has far better ways to spend their money so I should do a good job at providing food. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Host pays, it’s cheap to invite people and expect them to pay for your celebration.
why is it ok to do this for a birthday and not a wedding?

Why is that so strange?
I’ve had people pay for my meal or order special drinks but I’ve never attended a birthday meal where the birthday girl/boy has paid. People might have a party but even then the food would be relatively basic and everyone pays for their own drinks.

Very few (if any) of my friends have that sort of disposable income. They couldn’t afford to spend hundreds of pounds on a meal and none of our friends would let them.

Well it's clear that there's no consensus, and a lot of weirdly strong feelings both ways. One thing I find really quite odd is people saying 'I've been out for hundreds of celebrations and never once has the host paid'. Really? I wouldn't say it's the norm - I haven't been keeping a tally - but it's not that unusual is it? It's happened to me quite a lot, and that's across gatherings of my working class family and friends who don't have much money and the poncy lawyers I also now hang around with now who do. In my experience it's not unusual for people across all socioeconomic strata to want to provide something a bit special for their family/friends once in a while, it's just a nice thing to do, so like I say it seems odd for it to apparently never have happened to so many people.

If I received an invite to celebrate someone's 50th at a restaurant my assumption would be that I'd be paying for my own meal.

I would also try and find out who else was going so we could agree in advance to chip in for birthday person's dinner.

Madness

i always go out for peoples birthdays and pay for myself, just like they pay for themselves when they come out for my birthdays!!

Wouldn't cross my mind to pay for everyone else 😂

I always go buy if I invite then I pay with family. Friends we all just pay for ourselves regardless of who suggests the meet up. I wouldn’t expect the birthday person to pay as it’s their birthday so they should be the one that’s treated.

Aside from my dad, I've only heard of hosts paying on mumsnet.

I just don't see it as that different to a group of friends going out to a restaurant for a non-big birthday, or for dinner at any other time. No one is obliged to attend. If they fancy it, they attend and pay.

So what would you do if someone invited you to celebrate their birthday in a restaurant but didn't offer to pay?

Oh for goodness sake! Give your head a wobble.

There is nothing wrong in inviting friends to join you for a meal to celebrate your birthday. Millions of people do it. The majority of posters on this thread do it. Does this mean that poor people can never go out to eat with their friends on their birthday?

None of my friends host and pay for a restaurant meal and they don't expect me to.

If I had been invited to a restaurant meal where the host pays I would feel under pressure to reciprocate.

In my circle, the guests would pay for themselves in this situation. Can't imagine a host just paying for everything. My dad would definitely have paid for everyone though, I see it as a generational + income divide.

4 adults and 3 kids yesterday for Sunday lunch at a chef and brewer type pub set me back over £200. I’d say it’ll cost nearly £1k OP so decide if you can afford that before committing.

The norm is that people pay for their own in my circles. So if 3 family groups then we split 3 ways

If I was invited I would expect to pay.

If I were doing the inviting I would either pay for the food, or the drinks or both but I’d make that very clear on the invite. I’d also ask the restaurant to allow me to settle the bill away from the table.

For my 40th I had 20 guests and paid for all the food, which was the common MO amongst our group at the time.

What a lot of people seem to be saying on this thread is that poor people shouldn’t celebrate their birthdays or only in secret/at home.

Its awful when you look at like that - I’ve been to big birthdays where people have paid the bill but would never go expecting it. I’m there because Im happy to spend the money to celebrate a friends birthday. Most people I know don’t will choose a reasonable restaurant. If it was horrifically expensive then I’d send my apologies and take the birthday person out for breakfast another day!

I‘m also going to be 50 soon and have pondered the same thing. Whilst I agree that there is no hard and fast rule, and it’s ok to make clear in the invitation if people will be paying for themselves, in my group of friends such an event is very much “host pays”. I’m single with 3 kids and don’t have a lot of disposable income. It would cost me about £5k to host a dinner at a restaurant (with wine) for my friends. I’d rather have a holiday with my family, so that’s what I’m going to do. Later next year I might host something at home (my birthday is in winter so couldn’t be put in the garden then), which I can tailor to fit my budget. I wouldn’t invite my friends to a restaurant and ask them to pay for themselves.

And if your house wasn’t big enough /suitable?

If you have invited someone you pay, at least I see it that way. If I couldn't afford a restaurant I'd do something at home.