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Original poster

To be ill AND have a nice, tidy home

61 replies

Incomingwinter · 25/10/2025 20:13

I’m a single parent with two brilliant kids and a fairly good ex husband who sees them regularly.

Over the past fortnight I have been ill, progressively worsening to a short hospital stay. I haven’t told the ex or children about this as it was at a time when the kids were with their dad so it didn’t affect them (and I hate drama of any kind).

I’m home, on the right meds and being told to ‘rest’. Whilst I completely understand this, the reality of my life just doesn’t fit with this. I am the sole carer of 2 young children. There isn’t anyone else. Yes I have a village, yes I have friends (who also have their own children especially with it being half term this week) but I cannot possibly ask someone to have an additional two children indefinitely.

My main problem is the house. The jobs are piling up and piling up and I physically cannot do them all. All of my systems are falling apart: the kids are running out of clothes, the kitchen looks like Snow White before the animal help, it’s horrendous. I physically cannot cope and I don’t know what else to do. I walk around from room to room crying at the mess. I’ve tried to break it down to the essentials but then found myself cleaning the living room windows half an hour ago (obvs it’s dark outside) and I think I’m losing the plot.

Any practical advice that isn’t ask people for help greatly welcomed. Please don’t tell me to leave the mess. A lovely, orderly, tidy home makes me happy. When it’s not nice, I spiral. Thank you all

OP posts:
EatSleepDreamRepeat · 25/10/2025 20:54

Incomingwinter · 25/10/2025 20:39

I would love to ask for help but my friends all have their own mega busy lives, children, elderly parents to look after etc etc. I couldn’t burden them with my hoovering 😳

Show quote history

Ahh bless you. My life is exactly like you describe your friends. But you have been in hospital. I would find the time. Probably only hoover the downstairs mind lol. But in all seriousness I'd bleach your loo, wipe your surfaces, do your washing up and a couple of loads of laundry. That would be enough to muddle you through wouldn't it?

KickHimInTheCrotch · 25/10/2025 20:44

Yeah agree with keep the kitchen fairly up together so you dont get more ill / vermin infestation. Ignore the bathrooms, carpets etc. Get a food delivery of lovely easy healthy nourishing food. Try and wash whats needed. Give the kids age appropriate jobs - dishwasher emptying, putting washing away. My 10 yo can make a decent cup of tea when I'm ill.

Original poster
Incomingwinter · 25/10/2025 20:39

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 25/10/2025 20:26

Get someone round to give you a hand. No one has to have your kids but they can come and do a load of laundry and the washing up. If you were one of my friends I would be devastated you hadn't asked for help. Would your ex have the kids an extra few days? Hope you feel better soon.

I would love to ask for help but my friends all have their own mega busy lives, children, elderly parents to look after etc etc. I couldn’t burden them with my hoovering 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
Incomingwinter · 25/10/2025 20:38

Unicornsandprincesses · 25/10/2025 20:36

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I feel ChatGPT is really helpful to help choose where to start and make a manageable plan for the week. Sometimes, the act of telling it what I need to do and how I feel is so therapeutic in itself.

I hope you get better soon. Definitely see if ex H can do a little extra childcare over half term and tell him you’ll do the same in return when you’re better, if he likes. even if he feeds the kids three nights, you can do yourself a ping meal and not add to the washing up.

We’re meant to be be going on holiday on Tuesday 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

OP posts:
Original poster
Incomingwinter · 25/10/2025 20:37

Mumofteenandtween · 25/10/2025 20:25

Ok - you need to prioritise here. You are too ill to get it to your normal standards but there are a few things you can do that will improve things.

  1. Kitchen - do you have a dishwasher? Get it loaded. Put it on. How old are the kids? Can the unloading become their job. Food away. Rubbish in bin. Bin empty. Spray and wipe anywhere that looks a bit manky.
  2. Bathrooms - chuck bleach down the loo. Spray and wipe anywhere that looks manky. If your bathroom is generally clean then that is enough to keep it going.
  3. Washing. Are you at the beginning or end of half term? If beginning then don’t worry about school uniforms until at least Thursday so leave them in the basket. What casual clothes do they really need for the next week? Let them pick out their top 3 items that they want to wear and add enough underwear to get you through.

That is enough to prevent environmental health closing you down and means no one has to be naked!

Thank you. This is sensible. To give you an indication, since I got back from hospital (at 4pm) the dishwasher has been on 3 times 🙈. I currently don’t have any surface to spray and wipe but eventually, the dishwasher has to reach its final cycle, surely? 🙈🫠🙈

Bathrooms are ok. It’s the washing. I am going to put on a wash now of just pants and socks, in the hope that they can dry by tomorrow.

thank you

OP posts:
Unicornsandprincesses · 25/10/2025 20:36

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I feel ChatGPT is really helpful to help choose where to start and make a manageable plan for the week. Sometimes, the act of telling it what I need to do and how I feel is so therapeutic in itself.

I hope you get better soon. Definitely see if ex H can do a little extra childcare over half term and tell him you’ll do the same in return when you’re better, if he likes. even if he feeds the kids three nights, you can do yourself a ping meal and not add to the washing up.

pushthebuttonnn · 25/10/2025 20:31

Gosh I would hate to think that a friend or family member would struggle on instead of asking for help. Aside from asking for help - does anyone you know have a cleaner who might squeeze you in temporarily? Even for a few hrs per week? It could reduce your workload immensely (if affordable)

justasking111 · 25/10/2025 20:30

I took in a friend's washing while she was really poorly. Collected, washed dried and folded at my own home. Find someone who can do that.

Find someone to clean your kitchen,

Get online food shopping.

Tell your ex, family. Friends.

RandomMess · 25/10/2025 20:27

Speak to your ex, tell him how ill you have been. Ask for help!!

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 25/10/2025 20:26

Get someone round to give you a hand. No one has to have your kids but they can come and do a load of laundry and the washing up. If you were one of my friends I would be devastated you hadn't asked for help. Would your ex have the kids an extra few days? Hope you feel better soon.

Mumofteenandtween · 25/10/2025 20:25

Ok - you need to prioritise here. You are too ill to get it to your normal standards but there are a few things you can do that will improve things.

  1. Kitchen - do you have a dishwasher? Get it loaded. Put it on. How old are the kids? Can the unloading become their job. Food away. Rubbish in bin. Bin empty. Spray and wipe anywhere that looks a bit manky.
  2. Bathrooms - chuck bleach down the loo. Spray and wipe anywhere that looks manky. If your bathroom is generally clean then that is enough to keep it going.
  3. Washing. Are you at the beginning or end of half term? If beginning then don’t worry about school uniforms until at least Thursday so leave them in the basket. What casual clothes do they really need for the next week? Let them pick out their top 3 items that they want to wear and add enough underwear to get you through.

That is enough to prevent environmental health closing you down and means no one has to be naked!