Am I a dickhead, friend and her child.

"Why, is Martin incapable of looking after his own child?" These people who do this as an utter pain. Also this is how we end up with kids who think they are little adults and monopolise adult get togethers.

I mean, I totally get it when they're tiny, 2 of my friends would always have brought their little ones along on nights out when they were breastfeeding and so did I because our babies all refused bottles so couldn't be left. The friendship mattered enough for it not to be an issue thankfully.

However, at 2 I think they are taking the piss and I agree if there's two parents there is really no reason why one can't manage solo parenting for one night to let the other have the night off. Could whoever is closest to Angela talk to her directly about this? I know I found it extremely uncomfortable leaving ds for the first while because I had awful PPA - I still did it because you have to, but it was horrible for me, so something like that may be going on behind the scenes. I'd also wonder if her husband is a twat who can't be trusted to parent alone and therefore can't be left. I think if you're good enough friends then it's worth exploring to try and understand it before calling her out directly and explain that people want her to be there but they want to be able to enjoy adult nights out as well with angela there. They may genuinely not have clicked that this is frustrating people.

That’s a great idea.

Hey everyone, fancy meeting Friday 14th at the white horse?
’oh we can’t get sitter that night/that’s not child friendly/can we do a different day blah blah blah….
”ok, sorry you can’t make that date work, hope you can make the next one!’ Or

Hey everyone, is anyone free on X day to meet @ x place… this one is an adults only one please……

Nope.I’m sure Lucy is as cute as a button, but dad needs to take her to the park so her mother can see her friends.

That.

So far if someone couldn’t make it, they’d catch the next one. Why has this changed?

Just organise an 8pm meet at a bar that doesn’t allow kids and when they try and hijack it say no sorry we are going here as we really want an adult evening, catch you next time? I’m not sure why people are so tone deaf. I love my dog more than most things but I didn’t expect to bring him everywhere……even though he’s the best boy and everyone loves him 🤣 they will
never get the ‘hint’ so stop hinting and star being as rude as the clearly are.

Just all make it clear it's for adults only, date and time, non negotiable. Oh these couples who can't do anything independently and without their child are so ridiculous! Do they really not realise it's for the friends to have fun together and kids change the dynamic. My DH looks after our dc when I see mine and vice versa and sometimes we will get a sitter to go together. Xx

That’s fair, it really was utterly bonkers!

Seems like you know you're NBU and know what to do about it.

Just arrange an evening out and when asked to swap to lunch just say 'Sorry, that doesn't work for the rest of us'.

Every single time.

The whole group dynamic shouldn't have to change for one couple and their child.

There is nothing worse than someone who thinks every other person’s life revives around their child and you need to call her out on it. Don’t tippy toe around her, the next time she’s suggests a child friendly outing, you all need to reply and just say no!! And I have 3 children.

Arrange a bottomless brunch.

If you don't say anything and continue to pander to Angela and Martin, they will never ever get the message. Some of our group of friends have kids and some don't, we do kid friendly things from time to time, like a beer garden with playground or a Christmas market with meal afterwards, but mostly it's adults only. Everyone's fine with that, that's what life as a parent is like. I imagine your situation is incredibly annoying for John and Linda, but prepare for Angela to flounce.

when you want to make plans you just say you’re looking to organise a child free girls day/evening.

This is perfect.

You: "Anyone fancy going for dinner at 8pm on xx date?"

Her: "It will have to be lunch to suit my DC and DH"

You: "Great, let us know what YOU are arranging for lunch, if anyone else is interested in joining me, I'm going to dinner at 8pm on xx date to Y restaurant".

Let her organize what she wants but you stick to your original plans @amiadickhead she will soon see how eager people are for chicken nuggets and a fruit shoot.

With group activities, whoever organises it gets to make the choices.

Angela is quite free to organise a lunch, and those who want to attend this kid-friendly event, can. Tell her that.

Just book a really “cool” new restaurant, the kind that turns into a club later on or has a cocktail bar attached and say you’ve managed to nab a table at 8:30pm and a table at their bar for after dinner drinks - who is free? Then it’s extremely clear it’s adults only and don’t have to awkwardly say “adults only”.

I have something of a soft spot for the hen do toddler lady because her level of batshit-ness made for a cracking thread!

We used to eat out with 2 other couples. Took turns choosing the venue. Met at local car park and just followed whoever was choosing.. Ended up at a Wacky Warehouse place. Where you might go so dc can pop off and play while you eat.. I refused to get out of the car!! Dh was fuming!! We had paid a babysitter.. No way was I eating while loads of dc ran round screaming! The couple who chose actually had no idea where to go without their dc. Sod that!! Assume they stayed. We got a take away.

Be prepared as I guarantee Angela will be one of those who proclaims that “you find out who your real friends are when you have kids”.

It sounds like starting of a falling out within my friend group when we had a legitimate expectation Dad might look after the baby for a few hours when she was a bridesmaid for one of our friends. Her, her husband and the baby were given the only other bedroom at the venue apart from the bridal suite, but she said she couldn’t attend the reception at all because her baby’s bed time was 6pm… even though it meant she would’ve been downstairs while baby and husband were upstairs, and she could’ve come and gone from the reception if necessary. That meant the baby shower we’d organised, the christening we attended, the gifts we’d bought the baby, the coming round in the early days to help with washing the dishes etc were forgotten and we weren’t true friends as we didn’t understand what having a baby was like because we suggested she might want to reconsider being there for her friend on her wedding day.

We’re all blocked now and I wonder what her support system is like now and whether she realises how much we did value her and her baby while not believing the entire world revolved around her baby.

Because they're plus ones - nobody except their own partners would miss them at the meet ups, as they weren't part of the original group.

I have two young children and absolutely think you are not being unreasonable. Children change the dynamic of this sort of meet up and I can't imagine its much fun for a 2 year old. You need to tell them that its not appropriate and they need to find a baby sitter or one of them stays at home.

There have been threads about women like Angela insisting on bringing their older child everywhere, including the spa, and another that brought her baby and her partner to a hen do when she’d been told not to…these things escalate. Nip it in the bud before it gets to that point! Adult only gatherings are completely acceptable, but you and the group need to put your foot down and make it clear before it goes on too long.

I think Angela and Martin are being unreasonable, but think they're only doing it because they think you're all OK with it.
You have no idea of the state of their relationship, Martin's ability or willingness to take care of Lucy alone, how controlling he may be, or Angela's willingness to leave Lucy. None of this is your problem of course, and you're right to draw the line at not inviting one child to an adults only meet up. But be careful not to freeze Angela out.
As long as she's always invited and occasionally there are family friendly meet up, even in smaller groups, it should be fine. If they're all adult only you may as well remove Angela from the group chat.