To be sad over absent grandparents?

@Mi55ingpiece like you I had a very close relationship with my grandparents, in my case it was my maternal grandparents. This was because my nan loved children, but my mother hated them and therefore was happy to get rid of me at every possible opportunity.
My mother (since she hated children) wanted nothing to do with her own grandchildren, not that I minded because I wouldn't have inflicted her on them any way!

My in laws were never interested- happy enough if we asked if we could visit (not an automatic yes by any stretch) and the kids were then sent to the attic to get some toys they had kept from when my DH was young. But it was best behaviour and certainly never would have them on their own.
My own parents lived abroad most of the year, but when around we had them for Sunday lunch every week. I never expected them to look after my kids (they were mid 70s when my kids were born) but we would visit them every year at their home abroad and my kids have good memories from then.
I do know GPs very involved in their grandchildren’s lives, some though caring but many just from seeing their children/grandkids socially.
Do you ask your parents to just come over for lunch/dinner? With no expectation? They can still have a good relationship - it doesn’t have to be from babysitting only.

You can be sad about this, that’s understandable.

but you’ve used ‘we went to our grandparents all time’ as a thought process of why they should do it. Um. There was a reason that you went to your grandparents all the time.

I'm a grandparent and, while I love and adore my grandchildren, I am still working two jobs and have limited downtime. I don't want to intrude by 'popping in' (and that would involve a 60 mile round drive) so wait to be invited. I know that weekends are precious to working couples and don't even get every weekend off myself so those are limited.

Grandparents often seem damned if they do and damned if they don't. And when time, energy and money are limited, this further restricts the ability to be what people seem to think of as the perfect grandparent.

So I think time, income, proximity, energy all have to be taken into account, and not judging the current generation of grandparents against what previous generations had and did.

I am a Granny with several DGC and I adore them and I am friends with lots of other grandparents.
We are all actively involved BUT all of us at some point feel taken for granted .
Example , one friend and her DH decided to go on a month long trip to New Zealand . They told family several months before they went and were still subjected to “ what are we supposed to do ? “ etc from adult DC wanting childcare .
In my own case, DS and DIL were very annoyed when we wouldn’t agree to a weekly overnight so they could have a date night .
Not saying all adult DC are like this but it’s certainly my and others experience.

I think so many people have to keep working longer (the days of retiring at 55 are gone for most) and both working (less stay at home Grans) mean their capacity for taking on extra duties is more
limited. My SAH Mum got us out of the house for every other weekend! Lucky duck.

You sort of get what you’re given.

It’s absolutely not a race to the bottom, but perhaps it’s helpful to remember that everyone has different levels of support? My close friends get loads, lots of childcare and the grandparents dote on the kids. My parents never got the chance to be grandparents, my in-laws wouldn’t babysit if we begged them, they’ve met our four year old a handful of times. They weren’t even on our list to ask when I had an emergency section with our second, DH would have missed it rather than have them decline.

It’s something you can’t control, at all, so it’s just an acceptance of what you have

Someone will get along in .5 seconds to tell you they're your kids, you should look after them yourself etc. But I'm in the same position and it's shit. Everywhere you look there are grandparents helping out, and my kids see it too. I've made my peace with it but your feelings are valid.

What age are the kids, OP? Perhaps they will be involved more when they are older and have retired?