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Don't have kids you can't afford!

895 replies

user793847984375948 · 25/10/2025 10:57

Hi all, this is meant to be an interesting discussion.

I keep seeing people say, “Don’t have kids if you can’t afford them.”

But in the UK, if someone works full-time on minimum wage, the state ends up paying thousands for childcare so that parent can work.
If that same parent stayed home, they would receive less support overall, yet they would be raising their own child hands-on. A single mum can work part-time and get rent and living costs for kids, around 500 a month in support if she works.

Nursery is about 1K a month usually. Then there's the wraparound care before and after school that could also be funded by UC.

So why is one scenario seen as responsible and the other as “sponging”?

Further, do people who say “don’t have kids you can’t afford” actually think only those earning £60k or more should have children, since that is roughly what it takes to cover childcare or a single income? That eradicates the above two scenarios and it's just those with independent wealth

If so, what would that mean for society long-term, both economically and socially? There would be fewer poor people over all and I think this would have an impact on our monetary system and menial jobs getting done.

And if you believe that only the wealthy should reproduce, you are effectively asking rich, white, powerful men to police women’s reproduction.
That is exactly what is happening in parts of America right now.

Genuinely curious how people justify this way of thinking.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
nearlylovemyusername · 28/10/2025 16:19

taxguru · 28/10/2025 15:43

But for someone living on benefits, the small proportion they pay in indirect taxes such as VAT etc will still be many times smaller than the amount of taxpayer funded benefits they receive. So they'll still be a significant net recipient.

It's much more than this - kids born in unemployed families on benefits are nearly certain to end up the same. It's very naïve to believe that these kids with help of welfare be the "other people’s children to look after you". They will not - they will keep on sponging from our kids the same way as their parents are sponging from us. Rinse and repeat

taxguru · 28/10/2025 15:43

Differentforgirls · 28/10/2025 14:37

Is Income tax the only tax you know about?

But for someone living on benefits, the small proportion they pay in indirect taxes such as VAT etc will still be many times smaller than the amount of taxpayer funded benefits they receive. So they'll still be a significant net recipient.

Differentforgirls · 28/10/2025 14:37

Crikeyalmighty · 27/10/2025 13:02

@Unrulyscrumptious now I don’t agree with everything that @No5ChalksRoad says - however I’m a little baffled by your assumption that anyone receiving benefits is paying their fair share of taxes , plenty are paying absolutely zilch and have for many years, simply taken from the system . Now that indeed ‘is’ the system, so it’s not illegal as you say, but the assumption that all are contributing in taxes and NI is way off the mark - a great many are not and if they have lots of kids are purely taking significant amounts out of public money

Is Income tax the only tax you know about?

Differentforgirls · 28/10/2025 14:31

Crikeyalmighty · 26/10/2025 23:57

My son in his 40s has an 8 year old that he adores and sees a lot - almost 50/50 - the mother , who I liked in all honestly , does seem to be a bit of a serial maintanance collector, - 3 kids now, all different dads- as my son says, she likes babies and kids, she doesn’t really want/need relationships but likes the financial support - none of which counts against benefits - all a nice add on -

Was your son tied down and made to have sex against his will?

Zavettimexico · 28/10/2025 13:00

Algen · 28/10/2025 12:56

You seem not to understand what a personal insult is.

I could give you an example, but I fear it would be against Talk guidelines.

Exactly

Algen · 28/10/2025 12:56

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 12:53

You need to train yourself to discuss topics in the abstract without personal insults toward those with whom you disagree.

Posters who resort to ad hominem attacks are essentially admitting they have lost the debate. And have nothing of substance to contribute.

You seem not to understand what a personal insult is.

I could give you an example, but I fear it would be against Talk guidelines.

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 12:53

Zavettimexico · 28/10/2025 12:46

So you have no children and call other people a waste of space but unless you plan on euthanising yourself you will expect other people’s children to look after you?

Or the answer is more immigration because you think you will be treated well when you’re in a care home where 90% of the workers are from abroad, potentially from a country that the uk had a bad history with?

You need to train yourself to discuss topics in the abstract without personal insults toward those with whom you disagree.

Posters who resort to ad hominem attacks are essentially admitting they have lost the debate. And have nothing of substance to contribute.

Zavettimexico · 28/10/2025 12:46

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 12:32

Please. That argument is so tedious.

There is no shortage of human beings; there are more on the planet today than ever before. There will never be a shortage. Subsidies aren’t necessary and just encourage imprudent procreation among people who should be focusing on education and employment.

So you have no children and call other people a waste of space but unless you plan on euthanising yourself you will expect other people’s children to look after you?

Or the answer is more immigration because you think you will be treated well when you’re in a care home where 90% of the workers are from abroad, potentially from a country that the uk had a bad history with?

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 12:33

Lemonadepie · 28/10/2025 12:00

I doubt anyone would regret not having had a baby at 16!

At that age most people are still growing up and in education, learning new skills, considering what careers they might want to pursue and as well as starting to have a first relationships.

Exactly. Imagine being proud of such a thing.

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 12:32

Pickledpoppetpickle · 28/10/2025 10:33

It is not inherently selfish to have children. Or to want them. It could be argued that in a country like ours where the birth rate is not at replacement levels and therefore in need of immigration to support us (frequently taking educated and experienced people from countries that can ill afford a brain drain), it is not having children that is selfish.

And you get plenty back. You dial 999 and you will get the police/ambulance/fire service. You drive on publically funded roads. Your bins are collected. Social Services support the vulnerable. A court and punishment system is in place. Children are educated for everyone’s future benefit etc etc etc

Please. That argument is so tedious.

There is no shortage of human beings; there are more on the planet today than ever before. There will never be a shortage. Subsidies aren’t necessary and just encourage imprudent procreation among people who should be focusing on education and employment.

Zavettimexico · 28/10/2025 12:31

Lemonadepie · 28/10/2025 12:00

I doubt anyone would regret not having had a baby at 16!

At that age most people are still growing up and in education, learning new skills, considering what careers they might want to pursue and as well as starting to have a first relationships.

You’d be surprised I know a woman who had an aborton at that age and after knowing me and seeing how normal my life and family is when she told me about her abortion she said it as if she had some regrets.

And sadly some people reach their 30s/40s with a mediocre job not a career, barely any good friends and leaving a rubbish relationship so really having a baby at an acceptable age like 30 is no different to having one at 16 for these people

Lemonadepie · 28/10/2025 12:00

Zavettimexico · 28/10/2025 08:51

Exactly. I had a baby at 16 and grew up in a nice area too (I know it gets said that teen mums only live in shitholes) half the people judging young mums got pregnant back then too they just had abortions and maybe the reason they’re so judgmental is they secretly regret it and are a little envious of the girls who kept their babies?

I doubt anyone would regret not having had a baby at 16!

At that age most people are still growing up and in education, learning new skills, considering what careers they might want to pursue and as well as starting to have a first relationships.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 28/10/2025 11:58

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 10:26

I did. Any other questions?

That explains a lot.

Pickledpoppetpickle · 28/10/2025 10:33

Friendlygingercat · 25/10/2025 11:44

Meanwhile the unselfish people who are child free are funding everyone and getting nothing back in return! 25% off council tax does not really cut it.

It is not inherently selfish to have children. Or to want them. It could be argued that in a country like ours where the birth rate is not at replacement levels and therefore in need of immigration to support us (frequently taking educated and experienced people from countries that can ill afford a brain drain), it is not having children that is selfish.

And you get plenty back. You dial 999 and you will get the police/ambulance/fire service. You drive on publically funded roads. Your bins are collected. Social Services support the vulnerable. A court and punishment system is in place. Children are educated for everyone’s future benefit etc etc etc

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 10:26

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 28/10/2025 10:16

@No5ChalksRoad If you were that bothered about over population then why didn't you stay child free yourself?

I did. Any other questions?

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 28/10/2025 10:16

@No5ChalksRoad If you were that bothered about over population then why didn't you stay child free yourself?

Zavettimexico · 28/10/2025 08:51

Algen · 25/10/2025 20:04

I was a teen in the 90s and knew ar least three girls who had babies before they were 16. One of the girls had three children by the time the rest of us left sixth form.

This was an area people would probably consider “nice”, as well.

I think statistically the number of teen pregnancies have actually dropped, haven’t they?

Exactly. I had a baby at 16 and grew up in a nice area too (I know it gets said that teen mums only live in shitholes) half the people judging young mums got pregnant back then too they just had abortions and maybe the reason they’re so judgmental is they secretly regret it and are a little envious of the girls who kept their babies?

Finity · 28/10/2025 08:40

No5ChalksRoad · 25/10/2025 13:04

Oh, give over.

this poor planet is dying under the weight of excess human beings. As are myriad other species.

there is no shortage of people, all we need is less restrictive migration laws around the globe. and if humanity has to suffer a bit in order to reduce our population to less direly destructive levels, so be it.

stop kidding yourselves that you are doing the world a favour by producing offspring.

Well, if everyone takes your view I'd hate to see what humanity looks like in a generation or so.

No5ChalksRoad · 28/10/2025 01:08

nearlylovemyusername · 27/10/2025 20:22

Do you know that Scandi tax bottom and middle income levels much higher than we do? and that there is no restrictions on access to services, e.g. subsidised childcare for all, not just low-middle earners?

As it should be.

1dayatatime · 27/10/2025 22:40

Oh dear the OP looks like yet another "plop and run " thread - usually along the lines of "I don't know much about [politics / economics/ Middle East etc] but could someone explain why [insert controversial statement like above].

The OP is then never heard from again- they are basically there to shit stir and cause division.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/10/2025 22:30

nearlylovemyusername · 27/10/2025 20:16

It won't. It's going to be Brexit 2 - people who voted for it are mostly affected. Now those who go for protest vote for Reform will be mostly affected as well. Reform will only benefit those at the very top of the ladder.

Yep and I don’t think they can see it - the fact that he hates foreigners ( apart of course from rich dodgy ones who can fund him) is enough for many of those only hearing the bits they like

Crikeyalmighty · 27/10/2025 22:27

nearlylovemyusername · 27/10/2025 20:22

Do you know that Scandi tax bottom and middle income levels much higher than we do? and that there is no restrictions on access to services, e.g. subsidised childcare for all, not just low-middle earners?

Absolutely - it’s across the board - my view on this is at least those who are contributing a lot do feel they get some benefit - personally if I was getting good childcare for £300 a month I wouldn’t give a monkeys if someone earning 3 times as much was getting the same - it’s actually an incentive I feel to earn more . - and it’s one reason i felt that most couples with kids worked full time or at least a very good number of hours ( often starting early but finishing at 4.30) - however it wouldn’t necessarily suit mums who want a teeny bit of part time and lots of non nursery fun classes with babies and toddlers - if I’m being totally honest I really didn’t see much of that being advertised . They did all seem to be at work

nearlylovemyusername · 27/10/2025 20:22

Unrulyscrumptious · 27/10/2025 18:37

There I totally agree with you, there's systems that we can see work and aren't replicating here and it's the mindset of people sadly.

Do you know that Scandi tax bottom and middle income levels much higher than we do? and that there is no restrictions on access to services, e.g. subsidised childcare for all, not just low-middle earners?

nearlylovemyusername · 27/10/2025 20:16

Crikeyalmighty · 27/10/2025 17:15

I’m fascinated why you think the far right will suddenly make it bonanza time for the working/middle classes - and very ironically a fair old amount who vote that way are more than happy to take advantage of the system at points it suits them too - plenty of over 70s moaning about the WFA who certainly didn’t need it but felt entitled to it , whilst owning their own homes outright and stuffed up ISAs - I fail to see why they should get it and my 27 year old son paying rent with his GF in London on totally average wages shouldn’t get it - personally I would find it ironic if a load of PIP receiving ( substitute different benefits) Reform voters suddenly found an awful lot of benefits going out the window - because at the moment they’re making totally uncosted suggestions based on fresh air !! Greens just as guilty too by the way from a different angle.

It won't. It's going to be Brexit 2 - people who voted for it are mostly affected. Now those who go for protest vote for Reform will be mostly affected as well. Reform will only benefit those at the very top of the ladder.

Firefly1987 · 27/10/2025 19:53

Unrulyscrumptious · 27/10/2025 12:51

This is essentially the bitterness underneath PPs comments "I have self imposed X restriction on my life, by choice, and I'm unhappy with my choices. Everyone who doesn't self imposed this misery on themselves and who claims any support from the government that is there for that reason, and that I could access too if I wish, is wrong and evil. How dare they do what I want to do" 🥱

No the point was it's laughable to claim only the well-off can have kids whilst the poor are deprived when it's actually the other way around. I doubt they're miserable with their choices, most people wouldn't want four kids that close together and then be left alone raising them. Hardly something to aspire to.