Going out while unwell?

If you've been that ill then I certainly wouldn't appreciate you coming but if you asked and I could see others had said yes I probably would feel an arse for saying so.

As a manager if I knew you'd been off the last 2 days then felt well enough to go out on Saturday I'd have some questions as well. Even if I couldn't do anything about it, you'd be 'kept an eye on' and I probably wouldn't believe future illness or that you had been as ill as you made out. Can't do much about it if it's a weekend but would effect my opinion of you.

Finally as a partner, yeah I'd be pissed off if I've waited on you hand and foot because you're ill and then, before you're better, you're well enough to go off out with your mates.
I would never say I wouldn't allow you though, quite controlling language, but I wouldn't have a partner who'd behave that way either. I'd have probably gone 'it takes the piss a bit if you're too ill for work and I'm looking after you but you're well enough to go out' and they'd be brave to still go out lol and I'm the type of person who encourages my other half to go out/arrange something without me usually.

I think your partner is feeling disrespected here and I can see why burt they've handled it wrong.

The OP’s partner chose to pander to their every need… they didn’t ask for it!
This is massively controlling. I think she’s jealous or insecure or both!
If you feel well, your friends are aware… go, have fun and don’t rush back!

Your partner is being really weird and controlling. No need to make such a song and dance about looking after a sick partner. As long as you weren’t actually rude there’s no need for huge displays of gratitude from a sick person. A simple thank you should suffice and it can def wait till you’re feeling better.

I really hate people who do things or buy things that weren’t asked for but then expect the other person to be indebted to them.

This may come across as harsh
but if you’ve been mopping around all week and they’ve had to put up with that
then all of a sudden your well enough to go out with friends because you want too
id be pissed off

Your partner sounds intense and controlling, but I do think you are massively unreasonable to go to a social thing like that when you've been that sick. Seems pretty shitty to expose your friends to it when it's not something urgent and unavoidable.

Your DP is totally overreacting.

But if you’ve been that unwell please stay at home, even though your friends still want you to come. Spreading bad germs is just wrong.

And by the way, Covid tests now give a lot of false negatives (a doctor told me this when I was quite unwell and said my illness was almost certainly Covid despite several negative test results.)

Read the last paragraph 🙄

2 seperate issues here

1. Your DP sounds like a bit of a nightmare, I can understand her not wanting to leave the dog if there are fireworks going off, however she shouldn't make you feel guilty about going.

1. I'd be really annoyed if I went out with friends who were unwell and I caught something that they knowingly had, however if they are fully informed of your illness and still encourage you to go then no problem.

I’d love to hear her side though. ‘I’ve been waiting on my partner all day , cleaning up and cooking while they lay in bed, didn’t get so much as a thank you. I told them it would be nice if they at least thanked me’

Uh your problem is not whether to go or not but your partner. You’re not grateful enough? She can’t handle working, a dog and the odd meal prep/tea for her sick partner? Wow.
Go. And reassess this relationship.

DP sounds controlling. But if you've been that poorly, don't spread it to your friends.

Gross misconduct? wtf?
You lost me at ‘not enough gratitude’ I’m afraid.
If well enough I’d be dosing up and going out.

So I would enjoy being single from here on in!!! If you feel well enough to go out, then deffo go!

The illness is neither here nor there. If I'm well enough to go out then unless there is someone in the group that actually needs to avoid illness I go out.

Dump the DP and do what you feel up to.

Your dp sounds like she thinks she's your mother.

Did you miss the part where OP’s friends know that she’s been ill and still want her to go?

I think she’s being OTT but I think you’re being selfish. To be feeling as ill as you have and meeting up with people and passing it on, just seems a bit like oh well, im not missing out, they’ll just have to risk getting it.

I appreciate that the Mumsnet misanthropes reading this might disagree here but I feel that being part of an adult relationship should involve going to your partner's events with their friends and family at least some of the time. Someone who's never willing to do this is a red flag.

Your DP is controlling and abusive.

Sorry OP but I have to agree that's controlling behaviour and it sounds like your partner just doesn't like you going out and is trying to make you feel guilty for socialising. Have you been together long? Has this happened before? I do think you need to be clear with your boundaries that you are an adult and will make your own decisions around fitness to socialise.

She sounds very controlling, I agree. Of course, I admit that I have been a bit annoyed with DH a few times as he sits around half dead apparently, unable to so much as make a cup of tea, for 2 days... and then miraculously, he's well enough to go out or he wants to take an extra shift at work or something!

But i obviously can't stop him! It might be a bit less likely to be quite so attentive next time he's "sick" though!

She sounds a right weirdo.dump her.

It sounds like her ‘caring’ behaviour is just part of how she controls you OP.

@Autumngreen

Go out if you feel well enough & talk to your friends about the situation - I bet they give the same advice you're getting on here - end it - it's toxic.