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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let PIL look after DS (4) ?

127 replies

Mojk · 25/10/2025 09:22

Maybe slightly inflammatory title and it's my DH who has come to me with doubts.

PIL are supposed to be having DS for 2 days next week in the half term- (not overnight). This was their choice as an opportunity to spend time with him and we are facilitating lifts there and back, I was ok with paying for holiday club.

Now on the phone to his mum MIL has slipped in that our nephew will be there too as there has been an issue with the childminder. Our nephew is just turned 2- we love him but have concerns about them looking after him at the same time as DS. DN is a giant and a little bit developmentally delayed boy- he's unsteady on his feet and yet climbs, needs spoon feeding, and has a handful of words. DH thought it was going to change the dynamic, and although his parents are only in their late 60s they are not the sprightliest of people, they struggle to walk distances or even lift nephew. He's not necessarily worried about our DS coming to danger but feels he's going to be sat there bored as won't be able to do a lot when PIL are caring for DN.

MIL was a bit affronted when DH suggested perhaps it was a bit much and insisted they could have the pair of them at their house fine. I'm not sure they are the best surveyors of their own capabilities.
There is a space bookable on holiday club.
Would we be unreasonable to pull the plug and say DS is going there instead? At least he can have a run around and do something he enjoys. I feel like he's going to bestuck in the living room watching the telly whilst PIL change nappies etc.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 25/10/2025 09:28

YABU.

Let your PILs enjoy their time with their grandsons.

If the experience is mildly less than perfect for your DS it doesn’t really matter - if he had a sibling he’d be having to sit and wait, do different activities etc. And they’re 2 and 4, not 2 and 14.

You are being a bit precious IMO.

ResusciAnnie · 25/10/2025 09:26

YANBU, I’d do the same. FIL used to offer to have DS but he was completely incapable. Started banging on about his rights but that just made me even more resolute 🙂 I think you’re right op, trust your instincts.

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