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Original poster

Birthday party dilemma

42 replies

HayceeDeeCee · 24/10/2025 23:14

I'm celebrating a big birthday early next year and i'm fortunate to know a wide circle of friends and acquaintances.

I'm having a party in a local venue with a very popular local band i've hired, food, etc and so far I've had over 150 acceptances with about a half of those with a plus one. Only sent out invites last week and another 100 or so yet to respond.

It has somewhat escalated with friends asking if they can bring friends, people I don't really know but perhaps in passing, at the pub or music gigs etc.

Having been to far too many funerals recently I wanted all my social circle/family/colleagues to get together whilst we are alive, not dead but i'm a bit unsure about the 'extras' that might turn up.

I'm a generous kinda soul but this feels a step too far and i'm not sure how to say no. Any advice ? I'm a massive people pleaser.

OP posts:
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Nearlyamumoftwo · 01/02/2026 19:33

@HayceeDeeCeeJust realise d I'm a few months too late to reply! Glad to read it all went well 🙂

Nearlyamumoftwo · 01/02/2026 19:32

"Oh yes I remember meeting your friend Jimmy last year - a nice guy from what I remember!! The venue are quite strict with numbers so need to keep it at you and your other half, but let's grab a drink with Jimmy another time"

Original poster
HayceeDeeCee · 01/02/2026 19:22

Just thought i'd update as I've had my party and it was fabulous. Nearly 200 people came, despite losing about 20 on the day and days preceding for various reasons.

I did all food, bar a huge number of costco deli sandwiches yet there was loads left, rather too much than too little.
Despite my anxieties it was just the best celebration and I wouldn't have done it any differently.

Truly blessed to have so many awesome people in my life:-)

OP posts:
JRM17 · 29/10/2025 10:39

Just say No!! The venue may say it holds 350 but that's at max fire safety capacity, as a former wedding planner and events manager I'd estimate that with a capacity of 350 you will comfortably fit maybe 290-300, one of the venues I worked in had a capacity of 250 but if u had anymore than about 190-200 it was crowded and uncomfortable. People need space to move especially if there is a band playing and people will be up dancing because the dance floor will also eat in to your space lowering the capacity/space. If people have a plus 1 and they want to bring a friend then they need to forgo their partner.

Original poster
HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 16:20

ByTwinklyDreamer · 25/10/2025 16:15

Well done, nice and assertive, now transfer that to real life. Have a fantastic party, I only about 5 friends so I’m impressed you know so many people.

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I have no issues being assertive at work, it's actually my job in a roundabout way...personal life is a whole different bag of beans unfortunately.

I'm still regularly in touch with 12 or so school friends from Primary, they're all coming with partners too:-)

OP posts:
ByTwinklyDreamer · 25/10/2025 16:15

HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:47

I think i'm at capacity 😅😆

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Well done, nice and assertive, now transfer that to real life. Have a fantastic party, I only about 5 friends so I’m impressed you know so many people.

Original poster
HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:51

BallerinaRadio · 25/10/2025 15:39

Well now you're just adding further to your problem 😂

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Yup, my own worst enemy usually 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:49

BallerinaRadio · 25/10/2025 15:35

Is this a humble brag about how many friends you have? 🥴

No, I appreciate it comes across like that but no... I'm very fortunate to have such a lovely social circle and I want to give them all a damn good party. .nothing wrong with that

OP posts:
Original poster
HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:47

ByTwinklyDreamer · 25/10/2025 15:42

Can I bring some friends?!

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I think i'm at capacity 😅😆

OP posts:
Original poster
HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:47

Just to answer a few questions, yes there is security, it's a stand alone entrance above a bigger venue below. I can give a list of names and anyone who definitely isn't coming in.

Because of watching a lot of bands around our area and another hobby I do which involves a lot of people i've become friendly with, I've ended up with a lot of social friends (Fairly big family too)

A bit outing potentially but my DP is in the band I'm hiring (sorry, didn't mean to dripfeed) and they have a large following in our area and again, I know most of them well. This is how it's kind of escalated.

Yes there will be catering, mostly Costco but a friend is a chef and is topping up with grazing platters of Mediterranean type food.

My background is food and events related so this is all within scope.

Someone nailed it , i'm the girl who can't say no and this will be absolutely the last birthday party ever and I wanted a good turn out but not a free for all. I need to put some boundaries in place.

You've all given me some great advice, thank you 😊

OP posts:
ByTwinklyDreamer · 25/10/2025 15:42

HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:36

Consider yourself invited :-)

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Can I bring some friends?!

Nestingbirds · 25/10/2025 15:41

Get some beefy cousin to stand at the door 😎

Nestingbirds · 25/10/2025 15:41

HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:36

Consider yourself invited :-)

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It’s not difficult to see why you have so many coming op! You sound lovely, hope you have a great party and birthday 🥳

TimeForTeaAndG · 25/10/2025 15:39

Lesson for next time, don't tell people about the band. And I agree that you might need bouncers with a strict guestlist in case a ton of folk just show up.

BallerinaRadio · 25/10/2025 15:39

HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:36

Consider yourself invited :-)

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Well now you're just adding further to your problem 😂

Original poster
HayceeDeeCee · 25/10/2025 15:36

Soonenough · 25/10/2025 15:08

Sounds like a blast ! Can I come too ?

Consider yourself invited :-)

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 25/10/2025 15:35

Is this a humble brag about how many friends you have? 🥴

ConnieHeart · 25/10/2025 15:08

Just remember, it's your party and the priority is for you to enjoy it with the people who are important to you. If you let just anyone in you're asking for trouble. Stop pleasing others all the time and please yourself

Soonenough · 25/10/2025 15:08

Sounds like a blast ! Can I come too ?

ByTwinklyDreamer · 25/10/2025 15:08

No sorry the venue is at capacity now.

Ilovemychocolate · 25/10/2025 15:04

I had the same at my 50th!
Really bloody cheeky, I was fuming at the nerve of some people, but I find it easy to stand up for myself, so it was a firm NO to extras!
You will have to grow a backbone OP!

Nestingbirds · 25/10/2025 15:01

This has disaster written all
over it, unless op has a guest list and secure entrance.

SmallPotatoAdventCalendar · 25/10/2025 15:00

Just say "sorry guys, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. This is a private party, not a free gig, and it's invitation only."

FuzzyWolf · 25/10/2025 14:12

I know every one on my invite list but it's the extras that friends want to invite...not just a plus one but their mates and people that follow the band.

You will very quickly go over the maximum limit and find you are feeding and providing drinks to people you don’t know who are only there for the band, whilst those actually invited are turned away because the venue has reached capacity.

Just explain to everyone who asks that you are having to say no to everyone due to venue numbers and because you want to be able to spend time with your friends. Point out that some people are asking to bring several people to watch the band and so you decided it’s a blanket no to any additions (obviously you can say yes to the occasional few at your discretion).

It’s really rude to ask to bring friends and people who follow a band to a private party.

Gingercar · 25/10/2025 14:07

Just say you’re already up to quite a large number and you don’t want it to get any bigger.