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Original poster

Husband denying crush on woman at gym despite messages

112 replies

Vickiii88 · 24/10/2025 22:11

First of all I know people will probably disprove of me looking at someone else’s phone but I felt I had no choice because any time I’ve tried talking to my Husband about this he has dismissed me and shut me down as being ridiculous.

I’ve had suspicions he has grown close to someone at his gym for a while. It’s a national chain, quite cliquey with lots of classes etc and regular socials.

I’ve been suspicious because 1. I’ve seen this woman’s name flash up on his phone on several
occasions and he has been vague when I’ve asked about her, 2. A friend who goes to the gym attended the same class as them once and said they were very tactile and 3. He has been increasingly dismissive of me to the point of rudeness/snapping.

The messages go back months, this is one of the early ones:

‘Friend’ (F) and Husband (H)

F: Why haven’t you been on any of our nights out yet, they are not always at gym name you know? Next Friday is at X
H: Is that an invite then?
F: You know you are always invited
H: Will be odd seeing you not in your gym gear 😂
F: I can scrub up well you know
H: I don’t doubt that
F: Bit cold at the moment to be all dressed up, I need my layers 😂
H: Just wear your usual leggings then 👀
F: Oh yeah
H: Probably be a bit chilly in your sports bra mind
F: Yeah true

Another as recent as two weeks ago, which he instigated:

H: Do you feel like the classes have been a bit off recently, instructor name seems so abrupt
F: I was literally saying this earlier
H: Might start going to the later class where it’s a different instructor
F: What, and miss seeing me? 😂
H: You’ll join me, you know it’s not the same without me
F: Yeah when you were on holiday I did miss our chats after
H: Feel like all the extra classes are paying off and I am feeling fitter
F: yeah you are
H: Not quite at your level yet though 😂
H: I don’t think I’d squeeze in to some of your outfits
F: Oi 😂 sure I could find something you could squeeze into
H: As long as there’s no photos for evidence 😂

I told H I had seen these and he said they are completely innocent and clearly two friends having a joke, and that I’m paranoid/suspicious for no reason.

My mind is going mad, would you be annoyed if your H had sent these?

OP posts:
MeganM3 · 24/10/2025 23:49

He’s waiting for something to happen there. I wouldn’t be surprised if it already had.
It’s not harmless.

Cherryicecreamx · 24/10/2025 23:48

Yep he's gaslighting you into thinking they're not flirting! It's all there in black and white.. talking about another woman's bra! I'm not sure what person would be ok with these messages. "Banter" or not I think it crosses a line and he should stop simply because he knows you - his wife - doesn't like it.

Sleepyandtiredandlazy · 24/10/2025 23:46

That's not the way married men talk to women. That's the way single guys talk to women they fancy and are trying to get off with.
It's totally inappropriate OP and he is taking you for a fool if he says there is nothing going on between them.

Mistyglade · 24/10/2025 23:45

Blump2783 · 24/10/2025 22:59

It is flirting but I have some male colleagues who I might exchange messages like that with jokingly, and although it is flirty there is no chance of anything going on or anyone wanting something to go on. However, obviously not everyone is the same.

I bet they don’t think that.

Mistyglade · 24/10/2025 23:41

I have a strong platonic friendship, those messages aren’t platonic. The thought of sending that guff is nauseating. I’m sorry.

Yesitsmeimback · 24/10/2025 23:37

Im sure i could find something for you to squeeze into, blimey that full on flirting.

TheUsualChaos · 24/10/2025 23:28

Both flirting in those messages and DH making it clear to her he's attracted to her, trying to disguise it as banter. I don't think anything has happened but if he goes on one of these night out you can be sure it will. Think this would be enough to be a deal breaker for me. The trust would be gone.

nam3c4ang3 · 24/10/2025 23:28

He's literally showing you what he is - wake up and run. Shitty behaviour on his part - what a fucking creep.

MissKitty0 · 24/10/2025 23:24

Darby3785 · 24/10/2025 23:22

I would hit the roof if I saw texts from another woman to my DH like this! I would demand he stop speaking to her immediately and change gyms and if he refused, he can get out! That's how I would deal with my DH!

If your DH isn't willing to stop, its because he doesn't want to. He's choosing his "friendship" with her over his marriage which to be honest says it all. None of which is down to you, he's disgusting.

But what’s the point? He clearly wants to cheat and will just find another woman to behave this way with, why waste time on this man when there are plently who won’t be trying to cheat

WilfredsPies · 24/10/2025 23:23

My mind is going mad, would you be annoyed if your H had sent these? Annoyed? I’d be shoving his stuff in bin bags. I admit I have a zero tolerance policy for any shenanigans and can potentially be a bit unreasonable in this sort of thing, so I did show DH and he said ‘fucking hell, that’s full on flirting’. So that’s the verdict from the Pies household.

Essentially though, I don’t think it matters what anyone else thinks because we all have different boundaries. The only thing that matters is how you feel about it. It doesn’t sound like it has gone beyond flirting from the sound of those texts, so maybe you could tell him that he’s playing with fire, he’s about an inch away from losing your trust and fucking up his entire life, so whatever he does, he needs to be very sure that it’s the right decision because there will be no second chances. And then keep a watchful eye out.

Darby3785 · 24/10/2025 23:22

I would hit the roof if I saw texts from another woman to my DH like this! I would demand he stop speaking to her immediately and change gyms and if he refused, he can get out! That's how I would deal with my DH!

If your DH isn't willing to stop, its because he doesn't want to. He's choosing his "friendship" with her over his marriage which to be honest says it all. None of which is down to you, he's disgusting.

MissKitty0 · 24/10/2025 23:19

Definitely LTB. Awful. He’s so obviously trying to cheat.

Daisychain88 · 24/10/2025 23:16

Sense they have sexual chemistry tbh. I wouldn't let that go

2catsandhappy · 24/10/2025 23:05

She missed their chats? Whoa.

Is he having nice chats with you @Vickiii88 ?
At the least he is flattered by the attention, he is not cutting her off.
At the worst he is keeping his options open.
Any reason you can't turn up unexpectedly? her reaction would tell you alot.

devuskums · 24/10/2025 22:59

He doesn't care about you. Sorry but thats the truth. Nothing you say will help

Blump2783 · 24/10/2025 22:59

It is flirting but I have some male colleagues who I might exchange messages like that with jokingly, and although it is flirty there is no chance of anything going on or anyone wanting something to go on. However, obviously not everyone is the same.

IAmKerplunk · 24/10/2025 22:56

Would they joke around like that in front you? Of course not. Very inappropriate. Join him at the gym next time so you can meet her.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 24/10/2025 22:36

Op their flirting and your DH is crossing the line without a doubt if he's going to be like this and lie show him the door

Coconutter24 · 24/10/2025 22:31

They are flirting with each other, I would be absolutely fuming to read messages like that.

Netcurtainnelly · 24/10/2025 22:30

Vickiii88 · 24/10/2025 22:11

First of all I know people will probably disprove of me looking at someone else’s phone but I felt I had no choice because any time I’ve tried talking to my Husband about this he has dismissed me and shut me down as being ridiculous.

I’ve had suspicions he has grown close to someone at his gym for a while. It’s a national chain, quite cliquey with lots of classes etc and regular socials.

I’ve been suspicious because 1. I’ve seen this woman’s name flash up on his phone on several
occasions and he has been vague when I’ve asked about her, 2. A friend who goes to the gym attended the same class as them once and said they were very tactile and 3. He has been increasingly dismissive of me to the point of rudeness/snapping.

The messages go back months, this is one of the early ones:

‘Friend’ (F) and Husband (H)

F: Why haven’t you been on any of our nights out yet, they are not always at gym name you know? Next Friday is at X
H: Is that an invite then?
F: You know you are always invited
H: Will be odd seeing you not in your gym gear 😂
F: I can scrub up well you know
H: I don’t doubt that
F: Bit cold at the moment to be all dressed up, I need my layers 😂
H: Just wear your usual leggings then 👀
F: Oh yeah
H: Probably be a bit chilly in your sports bra mind
F: Yeah true

Another as recent as two weeks ago, which he instigated:

H: Do you feel like the classes have been a bit off recently, instructor name seems so abrupt
F: I was literally saying this earlier
H: Might start going to the later class where it’s a different instructor
F: What, and miss seeing me? 😂
H: You’ll join me, you know it’s not the same without me
F: Yeah when you were on holiday I did miss our chats after
H: Feel like all the extra classes are paying off and I am feeling fitter
F: yeah you are
H: Not quite at your level yet though 😂
H: I don’t think I’d squeeze in to some of your outfits
F: Oi 😂 sure I could find something you could squeeze into
H: As long as there’s no photos for evidence 😂

I told H I had seen these and he said they are completely innocent and clearly two friends having a joke, and that I’m paranoid/suspicious for no reason.

My mind is going mad, would you be annoyed if your H had sent these?

Wise up Op.
It's flirting. Pair of idiots they are.

Say you'd like to come along and meet her and have a coffee after the gym session.

NoUserNameNeeded · 24/10/2025 22:29

Your husband is awful sending those messges
amd if she knows he’s married she’s just as bad.

Branster · 24/10/2025 22:28

100% absolutely totally full on flirting and he's pushing more than her with his constant references about her body, plus angling for her to compliment him.
At this stage, I really wouldn't waste time on him any longer.

Namechangedforthis25 · 24/10/2025 22:27

It doesn’t sound like anything physical has happened

I also am not sure if it’s actually an emotional affair - as the texts are starting off quite innocently

I do think it’s banter between two people that is bordering on inappropriate

he needs to admit it wouod be rubbish if you did this - and stop this and move gyms

Slalomsfathoms · 24/10/2025 22:27

He’s testing the waters, he likes her and probably more. I’m sorry this is a classic making you doubt yourself and your gut. It’s a horrible thing to do and can send some women mad or do things they wouldn’t normally do and deplete their self respect/what they will put up with. Unfortunately, this is how a lot of people get away with it. You are not mad, if this was your friend in this situation, what would you say?

Gruffporcupine · 24/10/2025 22:27

I would end my marriage over messages like this. Others might feel differently but he wants to sleep with her and will at the first opportunity. Get away with your dignity intact x