Husband denying crush on woman at gym despite messages

I think some of these responses are very over the top. Very few people would end a marriage for some mild flirting

Noone is suggesting OP run to see a divorce lawyer right now, they are saying she needs to tell him she feels disrespected.

If he wont do anything about it- prefers to carry on flirting with a woman from the gym than care about his own wife's feelings then yes, that indicates a far deeper issue in the marriage that may well not be fixable long term.

Yeah draw a boundary on flirting first and then being boring second. You can't live with a boring man.

They are flirting with each other and its not ok.

Imagine if you were texting a hot male PT from the gym and saying things to him like "looking forward to the gym night out- you might be cold in those tiny cycling shorts though! 🤣" and this carrying on. I highly DOUBT your husband would be perfectly ok with this.

Sorry but if it were me, I'd be drawing a hard boundary- this is not ok.

That’s gym people for you. Dull AF.

Would I be annoyed? I’d be divorcing him.

They are both pathetic, "I miss you"
"you can wear your leggings"

I mean classic, super-dull affair partners or what?

I found my local gym full of lonely and predatory men. It was obvious from the looks I got from my first visit only to use the steam and spa.

Men tried to strike up conversations and I was watched all the time.

Could easily see how women could end up with phone numbers and drinks invites.

For me those messages would be very unwelcome from a married man.

There would be competition from other men at the same gym so she may well feel part of a group and safe to flirt. She may be getting these messages from a number of different men. It may be a competitive thing in a way.

That said I would be sad and disappointed if my DH was sending them. He does have female work friends. They talk about pets and children and holidays. They know about me. Not their clothes or appearance. That's where the line is crossed.

Definitely flirting. I would be EXTREMELY unhappy.

Borderline!!!!

I think it’s possible he’s being off with you because he feels guilty. And he wants to just have fun with his flirting with her and in his mind you are getting in the way of that. So he’s displacing his uncomfortable feelings on you.

To me that exchange felt like testing of the waters from both of them. If he went to the drinks I think things would escalate. If you confront him his feelings of shame will likely make him gaslight you. Ideally he’ll open up and you can discuss what’s going on. To me they were flirting,

Depends how much dignity you have I guess.
I might not end the marriage but I would be making it clear that if the messages didn't stop then I would

I don't need a man. So i am only going to be in a relationship with one if they behave respectfully

H: I don’t think I’d squeeze in to some of your outfits
F: Oi 😂 sure I could find something you could squeeze into
H: As long as there’s no photos for evidence 😂

Err? innocent banter NOT! Pretty sure they’re not talking about her clothing

I think some of these responses are very over the top. Very few people would end a marriage for some mild flirting.

they are flirty messages op, but that doesn’t mean he’s planning to cheat or this is some deep emotional affair. He obvs finds her attractive, likes her, they get on, have some flirty banter. Now on saying that, most people wouldn’t want their partner to do that. But again it doesn’t mean he’s testing the waters and fully intends to cheat or that she would cheat with him. He maybe, but those texts don’t mean that for sure;

I don’t actually think it’s that bad tbh but then I’m quite chill about that kind of thing.

In his head he's already out the door.

As others have said, the constant references from your DH about her leggings and outfits makes these messages very sexually charged.
I'd be gutted if I found them on my DH's phone.

YANBU. Any conversation about a female’s body and outfits is inappropriate chat when you are a married man!!!

If this was an open friendship around you I wouldn’t think anything of it. But the fact he doesn’t want to talk about a close enough friend that he’s catching up in other contexts to you is weird

OP, you need to find your spine now – seriously.

Stop doubting yourself. These messages are COMPLETELY unacceptable.

You know it, and you know the consequences. You’re just afraid of what that looks like (understandably).

Time to face it. I’m sorry.

I also think this is much more than friendly banter. I think it looks quite clear that they fancy each other. Sorry! I think I would probably deal with it by asking him to stop texting her in this way (or at all) because it is hurtful to you. I'm not sure that will work though and I think I'd probably be looking at possible finances for splitting as a possibility.

Op this isn't a crush, because he's acting on it. As a minimum he's testing the waters for an affair. He's crossed so many red lines.

Ugh. How unprofessional

I would be livid at these messages. This is flirting and he knows it.

They are BOTH flirting in those messages.

Say you are going to join him at his classes and see his reaction.

Obviously we don’t know your circumstances but you would be well justified in showing him the door for those messages. If leaving is not an option at the very least he changes gym and cuts ties. To be honest though, at this point the trust is gone and you would just be waiting for him to start up his next “friendship”