Husband denying crush on woman at gym despite messages

Work in an almost all male team, friends with them all going back years now. That's not how men talk to each other, they affectionately slag each other off that's male banter in my experience, and once they got to know me well enough that's how they spoke to me lol. He is being far too nice and commenting far too often on her body/clothes in my opinion.

I think they are having a nice old flirt. whether it escalates depends on a bunch of things but now you have seen it, it needs to stop

It's not her clothes she is talking about him squeezing into

This is so gross. He's not talking to Ned at the gym that way is he? or 70-year-old Betty in accounting at work?

Most people tend to just go to the gym do their workout and go home
They're not exchanging phone numbers and having flirty conversations

To quote you "would i be annoyed"
You should be incandescent with rage !!!!

As PP have said, it's the constant references to their bodies and being in and out of clothes that make this cross a boundary for me.
Discussing a group night out - fine
Discussing a bad instructor - fine
Discussing that she'll wear and her gym bra - nope!
Discussing him wearing her clothes - nope!

Join the gym, make it uncomfortable for them. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

So would I tbh. What is the point staying with someone that’s thinking of someone else while they’re with you? It’s just not worth it in my eyes. You might as well be alone, the irony is she’ll be doing everything at home so he can go to the gym! All for him to be flirting with someone who doesn’t NOTHING for him. Grim.

Don’t get caught up in whether you are right or he is.

Basically, he (the one that promised to love, cherish, protect blah blah blah you) is doing something that he really doesn’t need to and it is hurting you and making you insecure. Despite knowing that he won’t stop doing it.

That’s all you really need to know isn’t it? He wants to continue doing something that hurts you even though really swapping gyms and cutting her off really isn’t a massive big deal for him. I think your marriage is over if he won’t stop doing something when you ask him to. If I were you, I would file for divorce. I hope he has a lot more money than you and that you do well from the divorce. I hope he has to pay child support. I wonder if he’ll seem so attractive to her as a divorcee with big child
maintenance payments? Oh and children he has to make time for (no doubt he goes to the gym whenever he wants at the moment - at your expense / labour) let’s see him do that when he has to clean up his own house and cook for himself etc. I bet he’s a bit more tired then, too tired to text bullshit about fitting into her tight things 🤮

That's it
Had he said 'I'd like to see that' I'd get it but seriously?
If OP thinks he's straying she also needs to look at her own behaviour.
When women leave their husbands were always told on here that its not her fault and he's done something that made her do it.
Maybe this us the same.
Or maybe mumsnet is just weird.

Agree! The amount of people who don’t realise she’s talking about her fanny is astonishing!!

Sending flirty messages to a woman at his gym would be such a big turn off for me I’d have to end it. I couldn’t hang out with (let alone be married to) a walking cliche. Grim.

Absolutely agree, can’t believe some of the responses on here, borderline, banter, FFS, honestly, what some women tolerate on here never ceases to surprise me.

F: I can scrub up well you know
H: I don’t doubt that

This is blatant flirting and I would be extremely concerned if this was my Partner.
the fact that he is treating you differently is also a red flag.

What puzzles me is how you get to the stage of exchanging phone numbers with someone you chat to at the gym. I have lots of people I chat to at the gym - the vast majority are women - and I don’t have their phone numbers. There’s intention there in exchanging numbers. An intention to take it to the next level. In my case it would be to arrange a coffee with another middle aged woman. In this case, it’s to flirt / chat in private. That’s what makes me suspicious.

If they jointly own or rent a property she has no rights to show him the door.
She has every right to show herself the door and leave him if a couple of light hearted texts can tie her in so many knots.

Some wives need to grow up and stop being controlling.
Men and women are allowed to be friends with people of the opposite sex even when married.He hasn't said anything about her being hot just commented on how ridiculous going out in their gym gear would be.

I wonder how your male colleagues wives would feel if they saw your flirty (but ‘oh so innocent!’ 🙄) texts to their husbands!

Grow up!

… and he said they are completely innocent and clearly two friends having a joke, and that I’m paranoid/suspicious for no reason.

Said the gaslighter who is engaged in a mutual flirtation with this woman he fancies. @Vickiii88, your H and this OW are absolutely doing a simmering dance. They are both making moves.

I would blow this out of the water pronto. Their exchanges are loaded with sexual frisson, innuendo, and ego massages. He is indeed acting like a single guy — ogle-eyeing her leggings and mentioning her bra. When she makes the innuendo that she’ll find something that he can squeeze into, he laughingly responds ‘as long as there are no photos as evidence’. He knows exactly what she meant. They compliment each other, tease about missing each other, and she acknowledges missing him while he was on holiday. They clearly spend time together after each class. She wants him to come to the nights out [has he done so since?] and he wants her to join him in a later [evening?] class. Your friend has noticed how tactile they are.

He is treating you with utter disrespect and contempt, @Vickiii88. He has been carrying on this illicit flirtation that is clearly escalating. He has become snappy and dismissive of you, creating distance between you to justify and make room for his pursuit of OW. You have confronted him about the messages. If he truly valued you and your marriage, he would feel full of remorse for hurting you and would work to make amends. Instead, he minimized, gaslit, and shifted the blame to your being paranoid [you aren’t] to make you back off.

My advice: Get fierce and tell him you won’t be made a fool of. He is trampling on your boundaries and that is all that matters. Show him the door and tell him that you’re considering your options. Don’t even consider reconciling until he cuts off OW, changes gyms, and examines why he needs to pursue and lap up illicit thrills and is willing to shit all over you.

Yes i know i wouldn't actuarly do it lol

Agree. I banter with friends all the time, and it is never about fitting things inside me

Hes angry because you see through his lies. Hes defo trying it on with her. I’d not be happy at all. I’d be telling him to pack his gym stuff ABD all his other stuff and gtf.
sorry op.

Yes, that’s why I said it 🙄

but that wasn’t the context the OP gave was it…

No, for repeatedly commenting how hawt she looked in it.