To complain that Halloween party was too scary

I think it sounds a bit too much. I’d say something like “wow you went all out on that. A lot creepier than we expected. Next year what do you think about calling it a haunted house so parents can have a chance to explain it more to their kids? I told delicata it was a party so she wasn’t quite ready”

I agree

I grew up in a place where Hallowe'en was celebrated and now live in another place where Hallowe'en is really big.

The sort of decorations you're describing were not at all age appropriate. A party for kids aged 4-6 here would feature lights at most dimmed, friendly looking pumpkin faces, scarecrows, maybe some cobwebs with large spiders, maybe some big eyeballs, maybe Hallowe'en themed familiar figures like Bluey, Snoopy, Mackey Mouse, lots of black, purple, and orange crepe streamers, maybe a soundtrack heavy on The Monster Mash and other G rated songs.

Saccharine, yes. A pleasant experience for pretty much everyone - also yes.

I would complain. What you went to sounds more like a haunted house experience.

I was in Spoons having breakfast and a Mum came in with a kid in a pushchair about 2 and she saw the huge fake spider in the corner of the room and screamed her head off.

Yes that sounds too much for the age bracket. 4 year olds are not much more than toddlers really!
My 7 - 9 year olds would absolutely love it, probably. Far more appropriate for that sort of age.

I was at an infant school disco this week and I was astounded at the number of kids dressed up as terrifying clowns.

I don't think this is something to complain about, no. But there's space here to offer informational feedback while (genuinely) not complaining. Be brief and friendly, explicitly frame as individual feedback to consider in the future and acknowledge that it seemed like the vast majority of kids weren't bothered. Then tell them your DD found specific decorations scary enough that the event wasn't enjoyable.

Every activity/event can't be expected to cater to every child. But you'd expect them to be trying to make it fun for as many children as possible and they need a range of feedback to know how to do that.

As for DD, I would make sure to talk a bit about scary things in terms of personal likes/dislikes. Some people find it fun to be a little scared by things that they know can't actually hurt them, but not everyone. Comparing it to food may help - some people like food that's spicy, or very sour candy, but for others those things feel really bad in their mouths.

Does she like McDonalds? You could show her pictures of 'Ronald Mcdonald' to give her an emotional tie that clowns are not really scary.

I sympathise though OP- as a 4 year old my toes were tickled by some weed in a lido, and I thought sharks were hovering to gobble me up 😂

I mean… I’m not incensed by it but… a clown covered in blood?! It’s making me lol at how inappropriate that is for a 4-5 year old…what were they thinking?? My 5 yo niece reallllly wants to hear about the scary zombie game I play and is desperate to see the “clickers” but do I want that to be in her visual memory?? No! Let her imagine her own scary monsters! Like scary is all good, but blood and gore…errr

I wouldn't say anything in this case then, or maybe volunteer to help out. That way you will be able to make a valuable contribution to the activity group and be involved in the decisions for events and activities.

I agree OP totally inappropriate for children that age.
They should only be doing 'Happy Halloween', that's what I would have expected (although I might have checked first).

A lesson learned to ask more questions next time.

Hope your DD will be ok soon

I wouldn’t necessarily complain but I’d give feedback. It’s helpful for them to know. I agree that there’s a difference between childish spooky (witches in hats, pumpkins etc) and creepy spooky (evil clowns, blood, disfigured faces etc).

I wouldn’t expect a party for kids 4-6 to have anything too frightening and I’d let them know your dd was really upset which resulted in you leaving early. Maybe they’ll tone it down next year.

Is this an activity centre run by volunteers or a paid for business? I think I would be more likely to complain if paying a lot and it's a business, but if it was a voluntary organisation I think I would leave it as without volunteers you won't have an activity centre to go to and it won't be a problem in the future!

I think you can give feedback constructively.

I have done lots of these events large and small from littlies to adults only.

Generally for that age group it’s all about pumpkins, broomsticks and black cats. The odd white sheet ghost.

A bit older (primary children) you move to Scooby Doo.

Then older than that into frights and classic movies.

Some of these Halloween decorations are really scarey. Somebody had a life size horrible skeleton in the front garden one year. Ridiculous.

Who are you to decide this when only the OP's and one other child was scared?

Seems I’m in the minority here but gosh, that sounds completely inappropriate for that age. But my DS would be terrified. I think it depends how it was advertised as to whether to complain or not.

I hate Halloween. I hate the idea of scaring people. I hate the association of dead bodies with evil and that ghosts etc are out to terrorise us. I hate the endless plastic tat everywhere and I absolutely hate seeing kids with costumes that include fake blood. I would never and did never take my dc to Halloween themed events. YABU to complain about a Halloween event being scary as that’s the whole point these days.

I think you should complain!!
totally inappropriate for that age range.

A ridiculous comparison, not even remotely comparable. 🙄

But no, OP, I don't think you should complain if most children enjoyed it. I'm sorry your DD was frightened though.

Just because your daughter didn’t t like it doesn’t mean you should complain.