Marriages don’t last anymore because..

@PictureImperfect indeed - whilst I do think women wanting top jobs need to be more flexible than the average - I’ve never forgotten a very very senior guy I know who actually admitted after he had moved on a lot of his travel wasn’t strictly necessary - he did it because he enjoyed business class flights and trips to US every month and getting away from home - there was little he couldn’t have got done on zoom but because the company was American his US equivalents didn’t speak up because they liked doing the reverse! I think a fair bit of that goes on

One way divorce rates are calculated is number of marriage licenses issued vs number of divorce petitions filed in a given time period, so less people getting married means both numbers would drop, but the percentage would remain the same.

Women are able to hold jobs while married, have a mortgage on their own, need no “reason” for a divorce - all things that only relatively recent.

Plus the line of “one in two marriages end in divorce”, ie you had a 50/50 chance, is a complete fallacy.

I see what you’re saying. Surely if the shared leave is being transferred to the mum then the issue lies with the dads and that’s a discussion parents have to have, though I do agree it is assumed that mother will take it.It’s not the employers problem though.
I agree in some instances things can be done remotely and should be if practicable but that is very industry dependent. As an example my husband has been away this week, goes away again on Monday for a week, then home for a week then overseas for two weeks.

Even if the welfare state claim is true, that is still a good thing. It gives people the choice to get out of dysfunctional marriages. It actually doesn't matter whether it's the man or the woman who wants out, the option needs to be there. The most functional couple I have ever known divorced when their DD was very young and ended up doing proper 50/50 co-parenting as friends. They worked better as friends than they ever did as a married couple.

And of course people like me and many others on this thread should always have an escape, whether or not with state support, from abusive marriages.

Husband & I have that conversation and both said it’s doubtful we’d ever remarry. Not because we’re not happy quite the opposite. We feel that nothing can reciprocate what we have.

Exactly this. ^ I said something similar on a thread a few days ago, and got some really salty responses. I dared to suggest that some women 'settled' some 35+ years ago, and were now in their 50s/60s and stuck in a marriage to a man they don't really love, but tolerate, and they stay because they rub along OK.

Also, they can't afford to leave, and will struggle financially, and for many, they will stay because it's easier than leaving all round.

I got berated and told women are not that dim and weak that they will stay in a marriage for 'convenience.' But many women do. I did say though, that younger women (born post mid 1980s) will be more likely to leave an unhappy marriage because they have way more opportunities these days. Indeed, women are more likely to not be regarded as some kind of weirdo if they don't get married these days. Some years ago - pre mid-late 1980s, many women were made to feel like some kind of anomaly if they weren't married by 21.

Some posters denied all of this. What I found funny - and very telling - is how some posters claimed to be deliriously happily married, and said they don't regret it one bit, and love the bones of their husband, even after 25-35 years of marriage. (Or more, like 35-45 years.) But then they went on to say if he left, or died, that they would NEVER get married again. (Even if they met/found a man they really like...)

Didn't add up somehow, and told me that they perhaps haven't found marriage as lovely and fluffy and rose-tinted as they tried to make out they did!!!

!

I agree. I dont think a lot of men in the 50s would have dreamed of behaving as they do now - as men lost some of their assumed priviledge, ways of keeping women down went underground - the cult of the superwoman who does everything. Now we have a few generations of inadequate or mediocre men not being able to coast by, the frustration and anger is peaking in the manosphere.

I also think that once something happens - divorce, suicide - in your circle, you are more likely to experience it yourself. Its almost like being around it makes it more of a possibility for you.

The welfare state claim sounds like bullshit, btw.

Agreed on abuse, domestic abuse is criminally ignored.

I can't agree on the marriage requirements - if those were the best and only three qualities I could name in my husband, I would definitely prefer life on my own - and would think that better for my children than modelling a relationship so unequal.

People are too quick to want to move on instead of working things through.

Divorce is easy. No shame or sigma anymore.

Makes you wonder why people bother getting married at all today.

I guess its like Christmas. People have been brainwashed for years into thinking they have to partake.

Better that than choosing an obviously unsuitable man and having children with him.

Where does he think all the men being prevented from being SAHDs are hiding?

We posted pretty much the same thing at the same time!

I think the divorce rate will continue to be high until society reaches a point where marriages are more or less equal partnerships.

Nobody wants to do all the gruntwork, or work themselves into the ground, but men haven't worked that out yet, the Neanderthals.

This perfectly

I divorced my husband because I was expected to have two full time jobs and he simply would not change, no matter how many rows we had.

i think a lot of women are sick of working full time and carrying everything at home too.

To answer the question, I think the reason for the high divorce rate (about 43% or similar for first marriages, I think) is because men have not adapted in line with societal changes. Women have many more choices these days and many don't want to do the lion's share of the housework, childcare, and life management on top of working. They don't want that sexist set-up, and they realise that to give up work makes them really vulnerable. Meanwhile, the gains made in getting men to do their fair share at home are small and have been won at a snail's pace, and in 2025, women still do significantly more, even as we work - often full-time.

Women do not want to do everything, and men won't step up, and here we are.

I do agree that attitudes need to change but how we make this happen I’ve no idea and I say that as someone who gave up their career when they had their children so that my husband could build his.

Its a lot easier to divorce nowadays, years ago women were trapped with children and a shortage of money. There was also the stigma of being divorced and children coming from divorced parents.

I remember women being told if they were unhappy that “they had made their bed so had to lie in it”.

expecting more than someone earns an income, who mows the lawn and who doesn't beat you.
If you have had kids, then I do feel this is perfectly adequate to settle for until they are adults.

Abuse is different entirely. I wish there were far more serious legal and social penalties for abuse.

EXACTLY!

I agree with some of what you’re saying in that women are expected to be the primary caregivers and maybe that’s what needs to change. Of course women can hack senior roles. My husband has 3 in his team and they’re perfectly fine with travel. It’s part & parcel of their role working for a global organisation that requires project managers to be on site. At the end of the day, male or female you’re getting paid to do a job and it’s not unreasonable for employers to expect employees to be able to fulfil their obligations and any childcare issues is not the employers problem. If everyone said (dad’s included) that they can’t be away from their children for that long who picks up the slack when the client requires you to be there. It’s unreasonable to expect that to fall on those with no children at home.

I think this is a horribly antiquated view of divorce.

I’m struggling to understand why the response is bizarre. I think a valid point has been made.

I also still don’t understand how women are meant to be making these excellent choices in partners? Perhaps even more should stay single and childfree?