Marriages don’t last anymore because..

The split up rate between non married people is higher. The divorce figures don’t show this but dc still suffer and often women do financially too. Many women are more financially secure being married but foolishly don’t see it and when partners split women are often worse off. Most women are better off in a divorce than being forced to walk away with nothing or very little.

I completely agree with you.

While I do think people are less likely to work at some things, I'm not sure I'd extend that to marriage. In years past did they have marriage counselling, date nights etc

I think in the past they, especially women, just put up with it because they didn't consider there was any other option. We have higher expectations for happiness now in our relationships, but is that a bad thing?

Because more women know that they can leave. I see this as a wonderful thing, and I have been happily married for 30 years.

As a pp said, it's a myriad of reasons. I think the divorce rate falling is a red herring though...fewer people actually marry in the first place so the relationship breakdown doesn't show in the figures.

I think the shift to both people working out if the home has been seismic. The expectation that both adults can have full on, demanding, fulfilling professional roles and run a home and raise children is , in many cases, unrealistic. It should absolutely be the case that either sexed parent could be home more, or both work part time but both working full time, with wraparound care, constant juggling and failing to do anything as well as you'd like is hugely pressuring.

I sometimes wonder did rigid gender roles and old fashioned social expectations create more structure to toughing things out.

My DH and I are currently separated after 20 years married. He goes away with his mates several times a year and spends a lot of his money on his hobbies etc. things are easier for him than our parents generation and he feels entitled to live like this. Meanwhile I have had to look after the kids and work and soldier on for the most part. I just have never been able to get him to realise that it isn’t fair or reasonable. I feel like he loves 1950’s values suit him to get meals, laundry and childcare but not feeling a responsibility to be a family man that was expected of men.

As for couples today not sticking it out, one person can fix things on their own. Plus why stay and be miserable.

Also there were a lot of deserted wives in years gone by that weren’t represented in the divorce statistics.

A lower divorce rate could also be because fewer people are getting married. Years ago, couples would have to get married so they didn't shame their families. Nowadays, it is seen as ok to be 'living in sin' so no need to divorce when the relationship breaks down.

Divorce rates have declined because the marriage rate is declining. People are living together - and splitting up. I used to tell my younger colleagues that the problem is that people today think life will be better with someone else. It won’t, it will just be different. But there will still be problems and issues. Gwyneth Paltrow said her famous parents stayed together ‘because they never both wanted a divorce at the same time’.

I think you’re both right. There are lots of different reasons for divorce being more common in modern times.
One is the fact that it used to be shameful but is no longer seen as such a scandal.
I also think you’re right about women now having more financial freedom being a factor too.
Your colleague is also right that people used to be more determined to put in the work for things (not just relationships) than they are now.

It seems to me that you are both correct. They are complementary rather than contradictory statements.

Couples used to have to put more effort into staying together because it would be hell for them (particularly for the woman) if they split.

I don’t think people were staying together for altruistic reasons, but for practical ones.

Divorce rates have actually declined over the past 30 years compared to now. I think years ago divorce many years ago just wasn't the done thing, there was societal pressure to remain together with it not even occurring as an option for most couples. I work as a Community Nurse and often find it interesting to witness the dynamics between much older couples - some clearly still love and care very much and some really don't. I am sure if they were young in todays society they would have walked away without a second glance.

There are still many women (you only have to look at the relationship board) who have few financial options and so feel trapped in their unhappy marriages. As for not putting the effort it I suppose they could be right but life is too short to be tied to someone because of vows said when their relationship was in a better place.