Marriages don’t last anymore because..

I feel like he loves 1950’s values suit him to get meals, laundry and childcare but not feeling a responsibility to be a family man that was expected of men.

This is such a good point. They're doing the very opposite of taking the rough with the smooth. They're expecting the smooth 24/7.

Agreed. I do think though that with greater awareness of bad behaviour and people valuing themselves they are less willing to put up with bad behaviour.

You obviously don't read many posts on here, then. Because I see that all the time.

Women take up the majority of donestic labour in the home so they clearly see value in it. What they don’t do, is get financial rewards from it. Suggests to me that men do not see value in it.

Please are less religious, so there's far less stigma attached to it, and because women are now financially empowered in a way they weren't in that past.

There is also greater awareness of things like domestic violence and rape within marriages which further empowers women to leave.

Who pays the Piper calls the tune- a lot of it comes down to who has the financial power.
Women have been tricked into feeling that domestic work isn't real work and doesn't have any real value

I’m not sure I recognise very much of that at all.

I don’t think “people” are inherently very much different than they ever were.

Yes, it's not just women having more choice, I think men now realise they can jump out of marriage in middle age and re-live their youth, safe in the knowledge that if they have kids their ex wife will continue to be the prime carer.

If you are rich you marry and give more security to your offspring, if you are poorer you co-habit and are more likely to split up.

In the UK, there is a significant "marriage gap" where higher-income groups are much more likely to marry than lower-income groups.This disparity means that children born into wealthier families have a much higher chance of having two married parents compared to those from poorer families.

My parents marriage lasted 25 years before my father walked out, having had an affair for previous two years.

Looking back it's a miracle they stayed together that long, they were completely different people with different hopes and visions for the future.

In a different era , like now, I think they would have lasted 5 years tops and I wouldn't have existed!

And is your career exactly where it would have been if you had never had them? Because if so I would suggest that’s quite unusual.

@Badbadbunny yes, that is a fair point. I was with my DH for six years before we got married and we've been happily married for 22 years. Although, my parents were together for a year before getting married and they're been happily married for 57 years now!

That's what I was trying to say in my earlier post. Because living together is now socially acceptable, people can "try before you buy" and it's easier to walk away before you get stuck with the commitment of marriage. (and hopefully before other commitments such as having children together and buying a house before marriage/civil p'ship).

Haven't read the whole thread, but these are my thoughts.

The understanding of a greater variety of behaviour constituting abuse means that people are less likely to accept it as normal and acceptable - both experiencing it, and seeing another person victimised. It's no longer - 'well, you've still got all your teeth, and you can cover up the bruises with make up, so suck it up buttercup'.

In line with this, people are more knowledgeable and concerned about that the potential consequences are for children witnessing and experiencing abuse and poor behaviour in a marriage, and more motivated and more supported to leave when it is present.

Sad, but true!

Definitely. I learned this from my mother (and other women). Plunged into poverty after divorce whereas father went on to live a very comfortable life.

No way EVER was I not going to work. Being a SAHM is a recipe for poverty. The sociological term, 'The feminisation of poverty' is based on SAHM post divorce. Consequently, post divorce, I'm on a par with my ex. And I didn't get child support out of him.

Likewise. We thought long and hard about whether to have a child/(ren). We probably spent 2 or 3 years properly discussing it and planning it, on and off. We're "planners and thinkers" so pretty much considered all implications. We'd discussed, at great length, our respective roles/responsibilities, how working around a child would fit with our work and social lives, etc. Basically, every aspect planned with military precision (my father was in the RAF so I grew up with that mindset). If either of us had thought for one second that a child would be a "hindrance" to either of us, we'd not have had a child! We knew it would be hard and would limit our options for 18+ years, but we saw that as a privilege and decided to embrace the excitement of doing new things that opened up to us through the different ages of a child. People who regard kids as a hindrance (male or female) really shouldn't be having them!

basically, marriage is like everything else in life these days - disposable

I agree and I'd go further: All relationships seem to be disposable these days, romantic or otherwise. Casual sex. Ghosting. People using dating apps for hookups and thinking that’s OK (it's not, it's cheap and tacky and thirty years ago if they'd existed you would have got a reputation as such for doing so). People treating others as someone just to hook up with for their own fun and gratification. People who can't be bothered to respond to well-meaning messages because "a phone is for my convenience, not theirs". People who see friendly communication as an unwanted intrusion. People dispensing with their friends as soon as they find a partner and are too busy getting laid to remember they have them. People who only want friends who bring “fun” to their lives and don’t stick around to support them in bad times because it's "too draining". People who see no use for their friends once they have children and “my little family”, yet expect them to still be there pathetically waiting in the wings when the kids are older and they're bored and decide it's time to pick them back up again.

This is why marriages fail - because people are like this now. No compromise at any point. No comprehension that other peoples' feelings exist.

When, and why, did people become so awful, and so self-centred?

Women are now allowed to earn their own money, take out their own loans, have access to contraception, can initiate divorce.

Men are no longer women’s jailers (though we still have quite a way to go)

Divorce rates are actually declining. That’s a statistical fact. Anecdotally one of theories is that couples are taking their time before getting married maybe living together first finding out if they’re compatible. So a lot of marriages that would have ended in divorce are not happening in the first place

IMO, it's because women have changed, but men haven't. Even women who are very family focused work, bringing in a huge part of the family income. As a result, they expect more equity. Not to have to do all the domestic labour. Not to do 99% of child rearing. Definitely not to have to take care of another adult.

Whereas men ideally would like the woman to shoulder most of the domestic burden, while also working and contributing a full-time wage. This equation is played out on MN pages day after day, year after year. And eventually women work out life is easier without a lazy husband.

The couples that stay together EITHER have some degree of settlement on this issue OR the woman accepts she will never get that equity.

Selfish men are risking their life satisfaction now. Because as we all know, married men are happier and live longer than single men.

I’ve never felt hindered by raising my own children, it was a privilege.

Fair comment, but some women DID keep working back in the day too. My mother never stopped working, and that was in the 60s. I remember my best friend's Mum at primary school also worked. Both full time too!

Of course, lots of mothers worked part time too, i.e. in shops, pubs, offices, and self employment like dress-making, etc, and of course, farmers' wives typically always worked.

I think there are a multitude of reasons why marriages fail and most of us will pick the reasons that reinforce their views of life.
personally I think Human being are inherently selfish creatures (regardless of gender) all you have to do is look at things like climate change, poverty, war, genocide etc to recognise that.
traditionally men were in positions of power so they could then use those levers of power to make sure their needs were met, as women move into more position of power and responsibility they will do the same, (that’s generally been my experience) as humans we need some form of pressure on us to put a stop to our selfishness and think in a more altruistic way, this has previously come from religion, society, financial pressure.
marriage requires lots and lots of compromise over a long period of time, without the previous pressure, our natural tendencies to be selfish and social media etc amplifying these selfish tendencies inevitably leads to the failure of marriages.
not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, humans have invented and produced some amazing things on the back of our selfishness, but also done terrible things

…because women aren’t prepared to put up with men’s shit any more and can make their own money.

that’s obviously a very simplified version but I agree with you OP, that’s what it boils down to.