Marriages don’t last anymore because..

@chaosmaker "not nearly the proliferation there is today with every child having an internet enabled computer in their pocket. Also the sheer volume of pornography with more and more disturbing categories being added all the time and girls thinking that that is what sex is supposed to be."

How true !

Gail Dines' book "Pornland" exposes the porn industry for what it is - well worth a read.

@Badbadbunny not nearly the proliferation there is today with every child having an internet enabled computer in their pocket. Also the sheer volume of pornography with more and more disturbing categories being added all the time and girls thinking that that is what sex is supposed to be.

I think marriage is bad and wish it was an easy to break contract that benefitted both parties more like gay couples had before the law changed so they could marry instead.

Gulp. Very glad to be naive about this.

I think it's more of a matter of a struggling relationship where they think that getting married will miraculously save the relationship. A bit like how couples in a struggling relationship have a child to "repair" it. It seldom works.

I think sometimes people have been in a relationship for a while and start thinking, "Well now we either have to get married or split up" and it's much easier to get married. But then actually being married and legally committed is what gives them the push to do what they should always have done, and split. I know a few couples like that. It's very sad but in their cases I think they had to get married to reach the point of splitting, strange as that sounds. It gave them the "can't live like this the rest of my life" sense of urgency that was missing when they weren't legally committed.

Doesn't mean marriage is innately a bad thing.

"Marriage is not a good thing"

.I don't think you can come to that conclusion for everyone.

I can also think of people who lived together for years ( 7 years seems to be the optimum time ) who then got married and were split up within a year. Often there was a child involved, which was a shame.

It seems to me that only one party actually wanted to be married and pushed the other in to it (usually it was the women getting pregnant that forded the issue.)

Agreed - there is generally something already wrong in their relationship anyway and they are getting married as a sticking plaster. The same arguments apply for long term relationship break down as marriage breakdown imo

I don't think I follow. What about them? Why do they mean marriage isn't a good thing?

But in those cases marriage would actually have been a good thing because it would have offered protection to whoever was the main carer of the children and it would ensure equality in the sharing of assets once the relationship broke down, plus continued child care arrangements for the future.

What about the people who are happily together for years, kids included who marry later on and THEN split up. Marriage is not a good thing.

@Horsie the way i see it was back in the80sand 90s if your H was putting on porn videos 4 or 5 times a week or stashing dirty mags chances are you would know about it and most women would have taken a pretty dim view of it too but now it can all be done in secrecy as much as they want and much more hardcore stuff too - so most women are oblivious and if/when they find out about it then it’s a pretty big deal for ‘many’ women ( not all I know) -

I think that's common sense really. Most young people are naive and don't have real world experience, so they're more likely to enter into relationships without thinking through the consequences, i.e. "lust over love over reality", less likely to be settled career wise nor financially etc., so more likely to have a stressful relationship due to lack of money, living with parents, etc., and stress causes arguments, etc. They're still developing, so their interests, outlooks and attitudes will change, so more likely to realise that their "true love" wasn't fit for a lifelong relationship after all, once the initial lust/excitement has faded and they realise they don't actually "like" their partner. Everyone I knew who married young or had children young (i.e. under say 20) has divorced/separated and all have said the same, i.e. they weren't mature enough to make a life-long commitment, and when "life got in the way" of their effectively teenage romance, they quickly fell out of love and then the arguments etc started as they found they wanted different things.

"Hard" or extreme porn magazines were available in the late 70s and early 80s, as were "cine" sex tapes. Yes, it may have been more difficult to get access to what is now easily accessible online, but the "hard" magazines and cine films were going round our secondary school in the late 70s and early 80s. Yes, you couldn't buy the stuff "off the shelf" from your corner newsagent, but it wasn't difficult to find shops selling it "under the counter" and not difficult to find school friends with "older brothers" who'd lend it to you. I saw beastiality, penetration, anal, etc in porn magazines when I was 14/15 years old in the school yard/fields at breaks and lunchtimes! To say it didn't exist back then is very naive.

Top shelf magazines from your corner newsagent were tame by comparison, but that was just the pictures/images. The stories etc contained in them was often "hardcore".

People don't jump ship at the slightest thing. Out of all the divorced people I know, every single one experienced either cheating, abuse or both.

Benefits.sometimes good so if for example fleeing dv. But also means can jump ship at slightest thing

It’s not a straight 50/50 chance. If a couple marries as teenagers, has a child before or soon after marriage, lives with family members, etc., etc., the chance of divorce shoots above 80% and skews the numbers. Likewise, marrying later, with a steady income, having a previous serious relationship (but no children), waiting at least two years to have a child, etc., and you drop to a roughly 20% chance of divorce.

I hear the sound of bicycle wheels in reverse.

Lower than hell.

@PictureImperfect you are both right !
I mean look at the internet as a major factor backing up your friends point .Its like a sweaty shop for men .
Women breathes the wrong way and back on line swiping they go.

The reason is that they no longer want to be married.

Why would we force people to remain married when they don’t want to be? How do you think that would work out?

Don't be ridiculous. Plenty of people sacrifice their children believing grass is greener only to discover it isn't.

I said they’ve been enabled to. Not that they all do. Do you often have difficulty reading?

Marriages don't last anymore because the wives can get away now,

But it isn't easy. All the issues of finances and children still have to be dealt with. There has to be a cooling off period. The only difference is that blame has been taken out of the process - and that is a GOOD thing. It takes out some of the heat. My late husband was angry and uncooperative because I was divorcing him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, and when he received the petition he let me know that he was going to be as uncooperative as he knew how. It didn't matter that every word of what was in the petition was true, and that I had in fact toned it down from the reality. The only thing that saved the situation was me pointing out that I had evidence in writing (email) that he had received and read the petition and that he couldn't stop it, and that what was in it would only ever be seen by court administrators and the judge. If we had been able to have a no blame divorce, it would have saved us so much stress. Having blame free divorce means women are safer because there is less anger in the situation.