When did you start feeling “invisible” as you got older?

I’m sixty and definitely not invisible in the way you describe.

I am probably invisible to men as a sexual object, but in terms of work/customer service etc, absolutely not.

And my wardrobe is very neutral.

In what way being glanced up and down by men to be checked out is something anyone would miss? But perhaps you're onto something - I noticed with age I am much more picky in who I tend to notice 😁

I'm in my 40's and tend to be taken for younger than my age. I don't feel invisible.

God where to start with this one. When I started reading I thought you were going to say you were late 40’s or early 50’s not early 30’s. It’s interesting that so many posters have made this about attractiveness and their weight and hair. Does visibility equate to fuckability because I have to say… men will fuck
a literal corpse. If I work through this logically I’d say that western society worships youth and beauty over experience and wisdom. So in our 20’s and teens we feel like we’re where it’s at. We’re the arbiter of all things cool and relevant. Early 30’s is still young to the rest of the world but not the “cool” folks unless you’re blessed with being a DJ or other creative. ( just the fact I say folks shows you how far away from that I am). So I’d say there’s a bit of a mental switch that needs to be made for you to get into your groove into your 30’s and beyond. I’d say the women with the colourful clothes described by a PP aren’t desperate to be visible so much as feeling free to express themselves or are just bored to death of the neutral pallete that we were told we needed to have. It’s very freeing. Of course can clothes help with the “visibility“ if it makes you feel confident. Learning to walk through the world with confidence is the key to it all.

@babyboy520 You still there, OP? Early thirties is astonishingly early to feel invisible. Are you well, physically and mentally? Could you be a bit depressed? Do seek help if you are not sure.

37

Definitely when I turned 40 and it was an enormous relief. I have always been conspicuously unattractive, and when I was younger, used to get men - complete strangers - calling me 'ugly' and things to that effect on the street and other public places (e.g. barking dog noises).

It's strange but it feels as though it stopped almost overnight when I turned 40, although in reality it was probably more of a tailing off.

I'm in my 50s now and love being an invisible woman. I am long past what that type of man would view as a 'fuckable age' so they no longer have to prove to their mates that they definitely wouldn't be interested in fucking me, by loudly abusing me, just in case their mates thought they might fancy me and it reflected badly on them that they couldn't do any better 🙄

I'm in my late 40s and some time in the last decade I stopped getting unsolicited male attention AND I LOVE IT!!!
Years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I had a friend in her early 30s who described feeling similarly to you, @babyboy520. Now, looking back, I realise that she was actually very depressed.

I don't see this at all, but I know from experience that black can be less flattering as you age and turn grey

Ditto.

I don’t have this?

I have never relied on looks so perhaps that’s something I didn’t have to lose?

if anything I get seen more as I got older - I got more confident and happy to use my voice and I learnt how to use it - speaking louder , not stopping for interjections, pushing back on people , pointing out when someone takes credit for my ideas and woke.

work on how you project yourself

it’s hard because women are not trained that way - look at the habits of women around you- find the ones who have respect. Don’t care if it upsets someone ( that’s a thing that comes easier with menopause )

I am.59 and was very pretty when younger and have definitely noticed it from men and women too. Im happy in my own skin and always have been so I dont care but it's definitely noticeable

I am.59 and was very pretty when younger and have definitely noticed it from men and women too. Im happy in my own skin and always have been so I dont care but it's definitely noticeable

@fathomsdeep2025
”OP sounds like she has no confidence at all and based everything on her looks/youth and a certain sort of man's approval.”

How on earth did you come to this conclusion? OP literally didn’t mention the word “man” or “looks” in her entire post? Perhaps her confidence has been dented for some reason but there’s no evidence at all for your comment. Just because you feel fabulous doesn’t mean you have to put other women down.

I know what you mean, OP. For me, there were two stages - the first when I noticed I was invisible to some younger people (about 32-ish though there were a few exceptions later) and then when I was about 50 when it seemed I was invisible to any sort of person younger or not and was kind of brushed past on pavements and in doorways - it is an odd sensation. However I am now in my 70s and for the last 8 years or so, people see me again and talk to me and offer me seats on the tube! Also, I say what I like to people at bus stops and till queues, etc and they chat back and we all feel smiley - being old is excellent because you don't give a damn.

I think it may be more of a weight than age thing. When I was obese in my early 40s, there was a definite phase of feeling I was either invisible or there but just in the way. Men barging into me in the street or women asking me to move in shops when there was plenty of room for them to get by. It could also be that I moved differently - tentatively and slower (though I was out running regularly and never unfit). But as someone else said, it was infuriating as I'm still the same person whether there is more or less of me.

About 55. I always looked a lot younger than my age, until a series of deaths and dire illness among near family members really stressed and aged me.

It kind of hurts when men glance over and then quickly avert their eyes, like my 60-year-old visage is too awful to contemplate.

Perfectly visible here still at 48. I get served, doors opened men will flirt, taken seriously at work etc. I do try and make an effort with my appearance and am relatively confident so it may be that as I certainly look my age! I don't see why you should be any less visible as a menopausal woman 👠

I’m 67. Perfectly visible to myself and anyone who matters to me. No one barges me in the street either, that’s odd. I’m also visible to all the lovely people who offer me a seat on the tube (which I don’t need). Of course random men do not find me attractive. That’s a bonus as far as I’m concerned.

I did notice that attention from men calmed down after I had kids and in my early 30s, but this was a completely welcome development as far as I'm concerned.

I'm 50 now, slim and fit and still catch men having a second look. They just wouldn't dare try it on as I'm a consort battleship! I don't feel remotely invisible at work or in life generally.

Actually, now I think about it, I’m more visible to women now. Particularly middled aged and elderly women. They’re very interested in looking at the kids and asking questions. I guess they’re not interested in ME (which is fine!) but I’m definitely visible to them.

For me personally it was when I gained a bit of weight when I was 30 that it started . 5 years later and I have 2 kids and I’m absolutely invisible. I’m glad to not have wolf whistling, men leering etc but I do miss strangers (men) being more helpful/nice. I remember random men carrying bags for me on the stairs on the tube and now I’m battling pushing a pram whilst holding autistic DS’s hand and no one would even think to hold a door open for me in a shop now. Right when I actually NEED help it’s when it’s gone away

Absolutely this.
I do smile a lot at people and say Hello
if they answer great , if not , doesn’t matter (maybe they’re having a bad day ) that’s fine.

In the last few years. Am now 46. It coincided with me suddenly looking older. There was a definite change in my face around 44, combination of age and grief after a bereavement and very difficult period.

I’m visible at work etc where my skills shine, or in company where I can converse. Out and about in public, it’s a different thing. I don’t mean sexual attention etc, just the small niceties that used to be afforded to me.

No and I’m twice this.

The older women at my work all go very colourful at a certain age. Suddenly everything is like green and purple. Full on red suits, whacky coats etc. I suspect this is an attempt to be seen.

I'm 40 and have started to experience the gaze of men turn from a glance up and down to check you out to a glance at/through you. It's subtly different but perceivable.