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AIBU?

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Haunted by a mistake from years ago. Help!

32 replies

Anothermistake2 · 23/10/2025 19:26

About 18 years ago, I went on a night out with family and friends. We were very young. Quite a few of us camped out that night in one of the friends flats after having many drinks. I was 21. I can’t remember exactly when this happened, and feel like I have blocked it out for years, but I woke in the night and was kissing someone. It was a friend of my sibling who was about 30 at the time. I either had a boyfriend or was engaged, and immediately stopped when I realised what was happening. I don’t know how it happened, but can only assume he started kissing me whilst I was asleep and in my drunk/sleeping state, I initially thought it was my husband/fiancé who wasn’t even there that night.

Like I said, I stopped it instantly. Others were asleep in the living room where I was and so I didn’t make a fuss, was also mortified about this so didn’t tell a soul. I rolled over and went to sleep. When we all woke in the morning, the man was gone.

Since this memory popped into my head, I’m feeling like I’m an awful wife. Deceitful. I feel like I need to confess to this, but no that no good could come from it. I just feel wrecked with guilt and don’t really know what to do.

Im hoping you can all help me through this, as I can’t open up to anyone in real life. But I’m also afraid to get flamed on here, because I don’t think my mental health can deal with it. AIBU to feel like the worst wife and mother alive right now? Please be gentle.

OP posts:
Sarover · 23/10/2025 19:36

Your feelings about this incident are totally out of proportion. It was a very long time ago, you did nothing wrong and you are certainly, definitely not a bad wife. Nobody rational would think that.

Your reaction definitely does not indicate that you did anything wrong, but it is something to be concerned about because it is a sign that you are very fragile and anxious. Feelings of guilt about something which really isn’t bad is often a sign of depression. You do need to act. You need to concentrate your thoughts not on what you did ‘wrong’, but what you can do to take care of yourself. A trip to your GP and some counselling would be a good idea plus paying attention to things like your sleep and diet.

Ankleblisters · 23/10/2025 19:33

If you were asleep when he started kissing you, that's sexual assault OP. This is NOT your fault and you have done nothing wrong. Please, go easy on yourself.
Are you sure there is no one you can speak to in real life? A therapist or counsellor maybe? Or a helpline?
I'm sending you a hand hold xxx

PersephoneParlormaid · 23/10/2025 19:33

These things tend to come out when you’re anxious. It happened to me around peri, having flash backs.

ZippyPeer · 23/10/2025 19:32

This was never your mistake, that man took advantage of you

Keroppi · 23/10/2025 19:32

Awww, be kind to yourself! Say out loud you forgive yourself and it was an unfortunate moment.

You're holding onto guilt and shame, when really the man should be feeling shame for drunkenly coming onto someone he knew was in a rship. Perhaps write it on a paper and burn it immediately and envision your guilt being burned. Sounds a bit woo but can really help. You can't keep beating yourself up about it! Definitely don't confess as it's simply not worth it.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/10/2025 19:31

This is a bit of a non event, OP. Has it really been on your mind for 18 years, or is it that youre currently dwelling on it because your mental health isn't good?

BreadstickBurglar · 23/10/2025 19:29

You feel awful because you were sexually assaulted. I had a friend do that to me once and I can imagine how much more of a muddle it would have been if I’d been in a relationship.

It was wrong of him to do that, it wasn’t your fault, it’s not a kiss if one person is asleep and wouldn’t consent to it. Please let go of shame on yourself. ❤️