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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, honest advice about complaint again social services

41 replies

LovesFood1987 · 23/10/2025 18:39

I was abused severely by my parents for years growing up. The local authority knew all about it and never did anything to protect me (they had police reports, NSPCC referrals, plus I told social workers about our abuse).

I have a complaint meeting coming up with them (it's very historic now but still affects me daily).

Anyone any words of wisdom?! AIBU to expect something from the local authority (eg apology, paying for my counselling) a long time after the event?

OP posts:
PersilPower · 23/10/2025 19:25

Bullet point every failure and detail where they went wrong. Then with each failure, tell them what outcome you’re looking for. Agree at the meeting a timeline for each agreed action.

Is this a meeting following a stage 1 complaint? You are entitled to take it to stage 2 if you aren’t happy with their response.

I hope your meeting goes well. Are you taking anyone with you? I’d also suggest taking notes if they don’t have someone taking minutes. You should expect however a formal letter afterwards.

Kitkate21 · 23/10/2025 19:22

You've got zero chance of them paying for your counselling services. They may acknowledge that they could have done things differently. However, depending on the circumstances, they are unlikely to have been the only authority involved. Your parents are to blame here too. Presumably you have zero contact with them now. Employers often have EAPs to access counselling as does the NHS. Social service budgets will not cover this.

Original poster
LovesFood1987 · 23/10/2025 19:18

Soontobe60 · 23/10/2025 19:11

Surely you could access counselling via your GP?

Thanks for all the replies 😊

The GP waiting list is years long and only offers 6 sessions which is not even 1 session for each year I was abused, just no where near enough sadly 😢

OP posts:
Ohdearwhatnow4 · 23/10/2025 19:14

I was told for historical sexual abuse you have a time scale to apply for compensation, even if it can be proved their were people that failed you. Might of changed now

tripleginandtonic · 23/10/2025 19:14

Words of wisdom, move on. I say this as someone who suffered an abusive childhood, schools knew about it but nothing happened. It's hard to remove children and being in care is often very difficult too. Your parents are to blame but they are the past. Your life is yours now, make the most of it.

Soontobe60 · 23/10/2025 19:11

Surely you could access counselling via your GP?

LizzyEm · 23/10/2025 19:06

LovesFood1987 · 23/10/2025 18:58

I want a formal written apology accepting they failed (which they absolutely did), an explanation of how children are better protected now and them to pay for some counselling for me.

Thanks very much for your reply 😊

Good luck with that. I doubt you'll get any of that. They won't apologise as it can be taken as an admission of guilt that can then be used to sue them.

Lanzarotelady · 23/10/2025 19:05

LovesFood1987 · 23/10/2025 19:04

I agree children are probably not better protected now sadly but I feel it may put pressure on them if I bring this up.

I have accessed counselling myself but it's £50 per session and I don't see why I should pay it when I was the victim of the crime and they were complicit in my abuse for 4 years. They had absolutely loads of evidence of my abuse and they ignored my suffering. This local authority budget is over £1.1 BILLION PER YEAR!!? They can afford the counselling a lot more than I can 😢

I really hope you get the answers you're looking for.

girl pink GIF
Original poster
LovesFood1987 · 23/10/2025 19:04

I agree children are probably not better protected now sadly but I feel it may put pressure on them if I bring this up.

I have accessed counselling myself but it's £50 per session and I don't see why I should pay it when I was the victim of the crime and they were complicit in my abuse for 4 years. They had absolutely loads of evidence of my abuse and they ignored my suffering. This local authority budget is over £1.1 BILLION PER YEAR!!? They can afford the counselling a lot more than I can 😢

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 23/10/2025 19:02

What were the outcomes of previous complaints and referrals?

Lanzarotelady · 23/10/2025 19:01

With due respect, they will tell you children are better protected, but are they?
I am sorry OP I really am but I don't think this meeting will get you what you need.
Can you access counselling yourself?

Original poster
LovesFood1987 · 23/10/2025 18:58

I want a formal written apology accepting they failed (which they absolutely did), an explanation of how children are better protected now and them to pay for some counselling for me.

Thanks very much for your reply 😊

OP posts:
HedwigEliza · 23/10/2025 18:57

You have a meeting scheduled but don’t even know what you want from it? I’m not sure how this is supposed to help you at this point.

Lanzarotelady · 23/10/2025 18:54

What do you want from this meeting OP?

What can they do/offer that will redress their part in this?

Original poster
LovesFood1987 · 23/10/2025 18:51

Great advice, thank you 😊

OP posts:
Anditstartedagain · 23/10/2025 18:40

If you’re should seek compensation then you need legal advice before you meet with them.