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Original poster

Sensitive - Do people believe that male rape is worse than if a woman is raped?

186 replies

Spookyseason13 · 23/10/2025 17:34

There was a soap on last night and it featured a man being raped. It was quite graphic and obviously a horrific thing to happen to anyone in real life.

It’s being discussed a lot by the shows fans online. From the comments I’ve read, a lot have either said that they couldn’t watch it as it was too upsetting, or saying how the storyline was too much, or just generally saying how awful it was.

I’m interested to know if people feel that somehow a man being raped is worse than a woman being raped.

The reason I ask is because sure I feel that sexual violence against women is fairly normalised and commonplace entertainment on TV and doesn’t seem to attract the same level of shock and horror. Often the woman is even blamed for putting herself into a dangerous situation.

OP posts:
Isdpabullyingknob · 23/10/2025 18:37

Namechangetheyarewatching · 23/10/2025 17:44

A woman being raped is normalised, its played on TV quite regularly, its in films and almost mainstream.

I almost think, people -men- feel that as woman have sex anyway, what difference does it matter if there is a little force there, its just sex.

Where as a man doesn't have sex done to him, IYGWIM, he is the giver of sex, therefore rape is somewhat seen as worse, a violation of his body.

Yep. An ex once took offence at how many men id slept with because, quote, "its different for a woman as youre the one getting done"

I find a large amount of men have this view.

Original poster
Spookyseason13 · 23/10/2025 18:32

EveryMeandEveryYou · 23/10/2025 18:27

I do think boys aren't warned about it happening to them by their dads, whereas I suspect most mums have spoken about it to their daughters.
Maybe that is what needs to change.
A friend's teen son let himself out in the middle of the night a month ago and was wandering around town oblivious to the dangers. She told him he might have been mugged, whereas I said to her separately that he was lucky he wasn't raped - it hadn't even crossed her mind!

Yes you’re right.

I imagine we probably don’t know the true numbers due to victims not coming forward also.

OP posts:
TheignT · 23/10/2025 18:32

TheRealMagic · 23/10/2025 18:26

The implication of this is that the rape of a young, fertile woman is worse than the rape of a woman who is infertile or post menopausal. Is that really what you believe?

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Yes that seems to minimise the rape of anyone who can't conceive, does it include prepubescent little girls?

tigger1001 · 23/10/2025 18:31

i think all rape is abhorrent and perpetrators found guilty should face face harsher penalties.

do I think wider society sees one worse than the other, yes it's likely. As op has said violence against women is very normalised on tv/films etc.

that said, I was on a jury , albeit a number of years back, for the rape of a male and the judgments my fellow jurors had were the same as if if was a woman, asking for it, why did they go back to the guys house etc

Samna · 23/10/2025 18:30

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 17:57

Nope it’s the same for men and what happened at my son’s perpetrator’s trail. There was strong evidence and he was a repeat offender. The police said they absolutely knew he’d done it. My son( still technically a child )was grilled and the ‘ asking for it’ portrayal was very much in evidence. This is particularly so if the victim is gay.

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I'm so sorry that's awful 💐 x

AliceTheCamelHasTheHumpSoGoAliceGoBomBomBom · 23/10/2025 18:30

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 18:25

‘In the case of a man raping a man they may have some degree of empathy as to what it would be like to be the victim and so it seems worse because they know that it could also be done to them.‘

You’re talking bullshit and have no evidence for this. .

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Not sure why my post made you so angry, or why I would need evidence for something so obvious as a man being able to empathise better with another man.

Might be time to take a wee step back from the Internet for the evening.

EveryMeandEveryYou · 23/10/2025 18:27

I do think boys aren't warned about it happening to them by their dads, whereas I suspect most mums have spoken about it to their daughters.
Maybe that is what needs to change.
A friend's teen son let himself out in the middle of the night a month ago and was wandering around town oblivious to the dangers. She told him he might have been mugged, whereas I said to her separately that he was lucky he wasn't raped - it hadn't even crossed her mind!

TheRealMagic · 23/10/2025 18:26

StokePotteries · 23/10/2025 17:43

I remember daring to tell DS that female rape was worse than male rape. He glared at me, until I pointed out that horrific as it is, a raped man can't get pregnant from his abuser, would never have to carry to term and give birth to his abuser's child or raise that child and try to love them whilst seeing traits of their abuser's features in the child's face and perhaps in the child's behaviour too. A raped man could conceal this fact from society if it would culturally isolate him or cause him to be beaten or imprisoned. An impregnated raped woman couldn't. Many raped women the world over have to endure this. DS hadn't thought of this. It's awful. But it's not as potentially awful as female rape. End of.

The implication of this is that the rape of a young, fertile woman is worse than the rape of a woman who is infertile or post menopausal. Is that really what you believe?

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 18:25

AliceTheCamelHasTheHumpSoGoAliceGoBomBomBom · 23/10/2025 18:22

I think this patriarchal society we live in does tend to deem male rape as 'worse'.

Mens thoughts and feelings are generally centralised so in the situation of a man raping a woman they give the man the benefit of the doubt, say the woman led him on etc etc because they can see situations they have been part of in the perpetrator.

In the case of a man raping a man they may have some degree of empathy as to what it would be like to be the victim and so it seems worse because they know that it could also be done to them.

Both are abhorrent, but one is very much downplayed and normalised.

‘In the case of a man raping a man they may have some degree of empathy as to what it would be like to be the victim and so it seems worse because they know that it could also be done to them.‘

You’re talking bullshit and have no evidence for this. .

Samna · 23/10/2025 18:25

LetsFlyHighAway · 23/10/2025 18:19

I think it is worse in many cases, firstly its going to definitely be anal which is naturally going to be more painful, secondly I think the psychological impact (as a general rule, not every individual will follow it) is going to be worse.

For a man I think it's much more likely they will feel more shame and avoid seeking support after, with professional or personal support.
Many women will speak to friends or family after, I can't imagine many men going to their friends to talk about it.

Lots of women are raped anally too. Lots of women don't feel able to talk to anyone about it too. I think trying to create a hierarchy of victims like that is awful. It reminds me of when people say 'date rape' is less bad than stranger rape.

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 23/10/2025 18:24

The rape scene in Scum 45 year's ago was graphic,id never saw anything like it before mind I doubt anyone had.
Regardless of sex rape is a despicable crime.

EveryMeandEveryYou · 23/10/2025 18:24

ohyesido · 23/10/2025 18:20

I’m sure you are not suggesting that I blame anything on the victim. I can say with certainty that when the word rape is used that most would infer a female victim and male perpetrator. Because that is the common scenario.

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I wasn't infering that was your view, I only tagged you to reply the first part of my response, the rest was my personal view.

I do think many men subconsciously blame a female victim, she was out late/what she was wearing/being on her own/being drunk etc, so seeing it happening to a man will be more shocking because - unremarkably to a woman - it could have been THEM!

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 18:23

EveryMeandEveryYou · 23/10/2025 18:17

Yes, would be interesting to know stats to compare. How often men who rape men are convicted vs those who rape women. I bet it is a higher percentage.

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Why? We were told that there is a massive stigma with juries concerning male rape particularly amongst older members

Original poster
Spookyseason13 · 23/10/2025 18:23

DoYouReally · 23/10/2025 18:17

I'm not but I suspect that you have very poorly chosen the words you used in your post to actually articulate your question.

By asking if something is worse, it implies something can be better. That's categorisation.

If your question is actually "do you think that society normalises sexualise abuse against women?" that's a fair and reasonable question but that's not what you asked.

You attempted to categorise rape but your choice of words and that implies that their is a better type of rape. Words matter and you've just them poorly and insultingly.

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I’m not attempting to categorise it.

However I do think that for a lot of people, even if they wouldn’t admit it, they probably do believe deep down inside that one is worse (for the victim).

Of course I can’t prove this. But I think that the fact that female rape and sexual violence is a very normal occurrence on TV certainly demonstrates that people aren’t as shocked or upset by it.

OP posts:
TheignT · 23/10/2025 18:22

EveryMeandEveryYou · 23/10/2025 18:17

Yes, would be interesting to know stats to compare. How often men who rape men are convicted vs those who rape women. I bet it is a higher percentage.

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I think it would be difficult to get accurate figures. Not all women will report rape. I imagine the goes for men, maybe they'd be even less likely to report it due to male macho feelings.

AliceTheCamelHasTheHumpSoGoAliceGoBomBomBom · 23/10/2025 18:22

I think this patriarchal society we live in does tend to deem male rape as 'worse'.

Mens thoughts and feelings are generally centralised so in the situation of a man raping a woman they give the man the benefit of the doubt, say the woman led him on etc etc because they can see situations they have been part of in the perpetrator.

In the case of a man raping a man they may have some degree of empathy as to what it would be like to be the victim and so it seems worse because they know that it could also be done to them.

Both are abhorrent, but one is very much downplayed and normalised.

Samna · 23/10/2025 18:22

Rape is rape, its equally awful for male and female victims.

Emptyandsad · 23/10/2025 18:21

They're both terrible things and I don't think it's helpful to try and establish a hierarchy of which is worse.

People's experience of rape is very personal and of course individual people experience it differently, regardless of gender

EveryMeandEveryYou · 23/10/2025 18:21

LetsFlyHighAway · 23/10/2025 18:19

I think it is worse in many cases, firstly its going to definitely be anal which is naturally going to be more painful, secondly I think the psychological impact (as a general rule, not every individual will follow it) is going to be worse.

For a man I think it's much more likely they will feel more shame and avoid seeking support after, with professional or personal support.
Many women will speak to friends or family after, I can't imagine many men going to their friends to talk about it.

You can be orally raped, can't you?
I'm actually not sure on this.

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 18:20

peakedat40 · 23/10/2025 18:19

No, she’s asking if our (as in, the general public’s) perception of male rape is that it is worse / more shocking than female.

And as for your latter post - did you understand me at all? A woman who walks home alone and is raped can expect ‘well why did you’ type comments in the way a man wouldn’t.

The whole thread actually reminds me of the outrage over a cancer sufferer (I think it was bowel cancer) saying she ‘wished she had breast cancer’ - she clearly meant and explained that the funding and research into breast cancer meant that the survival rates were high, but this wasn’t true for the cancer she suffered from. Of course, half the population didn’t read beyond the headline and howls of outrage about one cancer not being worse than another went up and down the country.

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Rubbish men get the same victim blaming!

peakedat40 · 23/10/2025 18:20

I don’t think it was poorly worded. Quite a few people had no trouble understanding exactly what was meant, so it can’t have been all that badly worded!

ohyesido · 23/10/2025 18:20

EveryMeandEveryYou · 23/10/2025 17:57

I don't know if you can say that with certainty. Men may well be more conditioned not to talk about it than women, or feel they should have physically been able to stop it. I wouldn't be amazed if it happened just as often or much more than we think to boys/men too.

I think as a woman it is almost hard to believe men are more shocked by it, because we are almost always told men simply can't control themselves if we wear revealing clothes. We know all men could do it, so them being shocked about rape seems a bit disengenuous to me, more that it is about them being gay and gay rape is the issue. After all, not like a boy can show too much leg or boobs...so what's the excuse? Can't blame it on the victim.

Edited
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I’m sure you are not suggesting that I blame anything on the victim. I can say with certainty that when the word rape is used that most would infer a female victim and male perpetrator. Because that is the common scenario.

peakedat40 · 23/10/2025 18:19

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 18:14

She did- read the title!

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No, she’s asking if our (as in, the general public’s) perception of male rape is that it is worse / more shocking than female.

And as for your latter post - did you understand me at all? A woman who walks home alone and is raped can expect ‘well why did you’ type comments in the way a man wouldn’t.

The whole thread actually reminds me of the outrage over a cancer sufferer (I think it was bowel cancer) saying she ‘wished she had breast cancer’ - she clearly meant and explained that the funding and research into breast cancer meant that the survival rates were high, but this wasn’t true for the cancer she suffered from. Of course, half the population didn’t read beyond the headline and howls of outrage about one cancer not being worse than another went up and down the country.

LetsFlyHighAway · 23/10/2025 18:19

I think it is worse in many cases, firstly its going to definitely be anal which is naturally going to be more painful, secondly I think the psychological impact (as a general rule, not every individual will follow it) is going to be worse.

For a man I think it's much more likely they will feel more shame and avoid seeking support after, with professional or personal support.
Many women will speak to friends or family after, I can't imagine many men going to their friends to talk about it.

CopperWhite · 23/10/2025 18:19

I have been raped and 100% think that if it had been an anal rape, it would have been worse.

Im not sure what that means though, like would it be worse for a straight man instead of a gay one? That doesn’t seem right, but it does feel like there’s a difference.

All rape is horrific, obviously, but there are different circumstances surrounding each of them. The worst thing for men is probably that they’re already not very good about talking about their feelings, but even if they wanted to, there is very little support in the aftermath in comparison to what’s available to women. There are so many women that share the experience, they can relate to others and receive solidarity to help them cope, but men don’t have that.