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Original poster

Sensitive - Do people believe that male rape is worse than if a woman is raped?

186 replies

Spookyseason13 · 23/10/2025 17:34

There was a soap on last night and it featured a man being raped. It was quite graphic and obviously a horrific thing to happen to anyone in real life.

It’s being discussed a lot by the shows fans online. From the comments I’ve read, a lot have either said that they couldn’t watch it as it was too upsetting, or saying how the storyline was too much, or just generally saying how awful it was.

I’m interested to know if people feel that somehow a man being raped is worse than a woman being raped.

The reason I ask is because sure I feel that sexual violence against women is fairly normalised and commonplace entertainment on TV and doesn’t seem to attract the same level of shock and horror. Often the woman is even blamed for putting herself into a dangerous situation.

OP posts:
BigBoots67 · 23/10/2025 23:14

I am not sure. But having seen the scenes you watched OP, it was pretty traumatic to watch. The comments online did make me wonder too.

It may not be the first time such a story was told on the show, but it was shocking, and a level unexpected from them - I had to skip a bit, it was so upsetting and it has stuck with me all day.

Bringemout · 23/10/2025 23:12

Tuttutt · 23/10/2025 23:02

I think there's a view that women's bodies are designed for men to have intercourse with. It's a natural act and part of their natural, everyday role in life, and it's natural and even good for men to want to have intercourse with women. Rape - having intercourse with a woman without her consent - isn't so very different from this everyday act, especially as arguments are often made about whether she did in fact consent or not. Whereas buggery of a man is seen as an unnatural act which, if done to a "normal" man, must be violent, and emasculates him. In the Catholic church, it's said that they took the sexual abuse of girls far less seriously than the sexual abuse of boys. Priests weren't supposed to have intercourse with anyone, but doing it with girls was seen as essentially a natural urge.

I think thats right, thats what I was thinking, theres an element of “unnaturalness”. I don’t know if I would call it homophobia but it’s something parallel to it. When a gay man is raped by a man is that seen as less bad than a heterosexual man being raped by a man and I think for women do people care if the woman was straight or gay? I don’t think it’s seen “as bad”.

It’s difficult to articulate but yes I think you are right.

Boudy · 23/10/2025 23:05

How do we know male rape is less common? Perhaps it is not reported.

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 23/10/2025 23:05

StokePotteries · 23/10/2025 17:43

I remember daring to tell DS that female rape was worse than male rape. He glared at me, until I pointed out that horrific as it is, a raped man can't get pregnant from his abuser, would never have to carry to term and give birth to his abuser's child or raise that child and try to love them whilst seeing traits of their abuser's features in the child's face and perhaps in the child's behaviour too. A raped man could conceal this fact from society if it would culturally isolate him or cause him to be beaten or imprisoned. An impregnated raped woman couldn't. Many raped women the world over have to endure this. DS hadn't thought of this. It's awful. But it's not as potentially awful as female rape. End of.

😡😡😡

HRTQueen · 23/10/2025 23:04

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 22:43

They’re all questioned on their behaviour .Have you ever sat through a rape prosecution? It’s what the defense do regardless of sex.

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Yes I have

and I am making a point about the general wider issues in our society and the deep rooted misogyny this plays out in the system

Tuttutt · 23/10/2025 23:02

I think there's a view that women's bodies are designed for men to have intercourse with. It's a natural act and part of their natural, everyday role in life, and it's natural and even good for men to want to have intercourse with women. Rape - having intercourse with a woman without her consent - isn't so very different from this everyday act, especially as arguments are often made about whether she did in fact consent or not. Whereas buggery of a man is seen as an unnatural act which, if done to a "normal" man, must be violent, and emasculates him. In the Catholic church, it's said that they took the sexual abuse of girls far less seriously than the sexual abuse of boys. Priests weren't supposed to have intercourse with anyone, but doing it with girls was seen as essentially a natural urge.

Lionfisher · 23/10/2025 22:59

StokePotteries · 23/10/2025 17:43

I remember daring to tell DS that female rape was worse than male rape. He glared at me, until I pointed out that horrific as it is, a raped man can't get pregnant from his abuser, would never have to carry to term and give birth to his abuser's child or raise that child and try to love them whilst seeing traits of their abuser's features in the child's face and perhaps in the child's behaviour too. A raped man could conceal this fact from society if it would culturally isolate him or cause him to be beaten or imprisoned. An impregnated raped woman couldn't. Many raped women the world over have to endure this. DS hadn't thought of this. It's awful. But it's not as potentially awful as female rape. End of.

This is utterly sick.

God forbid your son ever goes through this. You even sound proud of yourself, “daring” to tell your own DS that if he were raped it still wouldn’t be as bad as if he were a woman.

I simply cannot believe you would do this. You’ve genuinely made me feel sick. Rape is rape. It’s not a competition to prove whose was worst.

Mistyglade · 23/10/2025 22:56

Just coming on to say I’m so so fucking sorry for pp / sons who have suffered. I cannot imagine how horrendous it must have been. Flowers

Bringemout · 23/10/2025 22:48

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 20:32

Rubbish. It’s the same for boys. Boys are also groomed, sexually abused and raped. They are granted no more personhood than girls. I don’t think there is the same sympathy afterwards for boys as there is for girls. There is less support too.

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I can well believe for individual boys thats the case and I am so sorry for your sons experience, I really truly am.

I just think if it’s on a large scale people seem to sympathise more with boys than girls. I really don’t mean to diminish your sons experience when I say that. I’ve seen people express more disgust at bacha bazi than they do at underage marriage of girls when it comes to Afghanistan. There seems to be more visceral disgust at the rape of men and boys than of girls.

I’m really sorry your son didn’t get the help and support he should have. I do think male rape victims face stigma and barriers in a way that’s unique to them. I’m talking about public perception rather than the impact on individual victims.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 23/10/2025 22:43

Personally, I rate them the same.

There might be more abhorrence of male rape due to the reasonably high chance of it also violating a person's sexual preferences.

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 22:43

HRTQueen · 23/10/2025 22:41

Well we shall have to agree to disagree

I never said there wasn’t any stigma or claimed one is worse than the other I said that women are automatically questioned on their behaviour what they were wearing, had they been drinking because deep down there is still a belief by many that men can’t control their sexual urges towards women and it’s women than need to not tempt them.

I do not think this will happen to all men

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They’re all questioned on their behaviour .Have you ever sat through a rape prosecution? It’s what the defense do regardless of sex.

HRTQueen · 23/10/2025 22:41

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 22:34

You can’t say that, There is a huge stigma with male rape and there is an idea of oh they must be gay and asked for it.

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Well we shall have to agree to disagree

I never said there wasn’t any stigma or claimed one is worse than the other I said that women are automatically questioned on their behaviour what they were wearing, had they been drinking because deep down there is still a belief by many that men can’t control their sexual urges towards women and it’s women than need to not tempt them.

I do not think this will happen to all men

logplant · 23/10/2025 22:39

PilatesAndLattes · 23/10/2025 21:12

I think men will see male rape as worse than female rape. My DH and I listen to true crime often and he is always horrified by the crimes involving male victims of sexual assault and murder, whereas he isn’t as bothered by crimes with female victims.

I find his views very worrying.

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 22:34

HRTQueen · 23/10/2025 22:32

I am sorry what happened to your son

and yes I agree non heterosexual men will be treated as badly as women are by the system at all stages I should have stated this

but I do not believe heterosexual men are

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You can’t say that, There is a huge stigma with male rape and there is an idea of oh they must be gay and asked for it.

JazzyBBBG · 23/10/2025 22:33

I think last nights is being discussed so much because it was extremely violent and came out of nowhere in the somewhat erratic storyline. It was totally unnecessary and unlike when they did the Luke story years ago unclear if it will get the follow up and sensitive treatment to how the character is after. It felt like it was just there to shock, not to be a real storyline.

HRTQueen · 23/10/2025 22:32

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 22:08

And that happens with men too.I’ve seen it happen with my son and we were told it’s common. Homophobia is rife in all areas of society.

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I am sorry what happened to your son

and yes I agree non heterosexual men will be treated as badly as women are by the system at all stages I should have stated this

but I do not believe heterosexual men are

JustSawJohnny · 23/10/2025 22:28

Elsvieta · 23/10/2025 22:08

I know it's about power etc, but doesn't the fact remain that straight men (so most men) will rape women (if they're the sort of person who would rape anyone), and gay men will rape men?

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Doesn't work that way. They see it as the ultimate disgrace - not sexual.

It has also been used in some football hooligan firms in Eastern Europe.

RawBloomers · 23/10/2025 22:28

Elsvieta · 23/10/2025 22:08

I know it's about power etc, but doesn't the fact remain that straight men (so most men) will rape women (if they're the sort of person who would rape anyone), and gay men will rape men?

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From the war time accounts I’ve seen, the soldiers who rape men will also rape women.

JustSawJohnny · 23/10/2025 22:27

Of course it's not worse.

I just think people are used to seeing violence against women on screen so it's not as shocking.

BrinkWomanship · 23/10/2025 22:22

Elsvieta · 23/10/2025 22:08

I know it's about power etc, but doesn't the fact remain that straight men (so most men) will rape women (if they're the sort of person who would rape anyone), and gay men will rape men?

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Honestly @Elsvieta I don’t know enough to be sure. I’d take an educated guess that if the motivation for the rape is sex / desire then yes, rapists will rape someone from the sex they’re attracted to. If it’s about power and humiliation then perhaps not.

Haz3lW00d · 23/10/2025 22:08

HRTQueen · 23/10/2025 21:03

i guess you are referring to a police inquiry and we are all well aware of the deep rooted misogyny within the police

this is only part of the process if the case makes it to court, there is then judges numerous have made sexist comments about woman leading on men and even children doing so, prosecutors who will use every opportunity to raise questions about the women’s actions and reputation as this is so deeply embedded into our society that men can’t help themselves if they are lead on and then there is the jury and how many are easily swayed because they themselves have misogynistic views

and the press if it becomes public certain areas of the press often treat women victims of sexual violence with respect and dignity

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And that happens with men too.I’ve seen it happen with my son and we were told it’s common. Homophobia is rife in all areas of society.

Elsvieta · 23/10/2025 22:08

BrinkWomanship · 23/10/2025 21:04

Not many victims who were raped survived the 7 Oct terror attack in Israel. But there are some accounts of men being gang-raped. It wasn’t because the rapists were gay, it was about power and humiliation. I think it’s interesting that very few people know there were male victims too. It certainly plays to this conversation regarding perceptions of male rape.

I’m so sorry to read the accounts in this thread of people and/or their relatives who were raped. I hope everyone is in a better place now.

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I know it's about power etc, but doesn't the fact remain that straight men (so most men) will rape women (if they're the sort of person who would rape anyone), and gay men will rape men?

FullLondonEye · 23/10/2025 21:55

TheignT · 23/10/2025 21:35

Well if rape is worse if you can get pregnant then logically it must be less if you can't get pregnant. You seem to think the aftermath of pregnancy is the worst aftermath, I disagree I'm pretty sure you'd be offered the morning after pill for a start and I think the aftermath for a child who isn't fertile would be horrific.

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I never said rape is worse if you can get pregnant or anything even close to that! I commented that I saw another poster’s statement in a different light to some of you and can understand the point I felt she was trying to make. I didn’t even say her point of view is right or wrong so again, don’t project that onto me.

Pregnancy or not isn’t the only aftermath of rape and I don’t know why some people are trying to quantify levels of horror here - HIV or other STIs are another potential aftermath of rape, who is to decide what’s worse? I didn’t feel the other poster was trying to judge the totality of this issue purely based upon pregnancy that’s all, but was using it as an argument to present another point of view to her son. Maybe she wasn’t and is centring pregnancy as the weight of the gavel but neither of us can be sure and putting words into my mouth is not going to make it any clearer for anyone. Yes, the subject is controversial but also interesting and this thread doesn’t need to be a race to the bottom like so many others.

Bedofroses85 · 23/10/2025 21:54

StokePotteries · 23/10/2025 17:43

I remember daring to tell DS that female rape was worse than male rape. He glared at me, until I pointed out that horrific as it is, a raped man can't get pregnant from his abuser, would never have to carry to term and give birth to his abuser's child or raise that child and try to love them whilst seeing traits of their abuser's features in the child's face and perhaps in the child's behaviour too. A raped man could conceal this fact from society if it would culturally isolate him or cause him to be beaten or imprisoned. An impregnated raped woman couldn't. Many raped women the world over have to endure this. DS hadn't thought of this. It's awful. But it's not as potentially awful as female rape. End of.

I completely disagree with your opinion. It’s not a competition to see who suffers more. There are different aspects to female and male rape but they are both as impactful