And to prove it, I'm back.
I ended up as a SAHD because when we had our first DC I was not in secure employment but my wife was and we also had no family support; in fact, I was already taking on caring responsibilities for others as well. We are married and there are no health issues so we differ in that respect. We have two DDs, aged 8 and 5, both have no additional needs.
The arrangement works well for us. I was always going to be the only one who cooked, and while we previously shared other household tasks I do it all now, to a standard acceptable even to my wife. This was never an issue for me as I lived by myself for twenty years before we married so was fully house trained. Some of my friends have cosplayed at being SAHDs from time to time, and this was where they all ran in to problems. We don't agree a day to do the hoovering and then have an argument over whether I did it that day, because neither of us think like that. Hoovering is done when it's needed and fortunately my wife trusts me to get it done.
Staying at home means that my wife can concentrate on her career. She would readily admit that without our set-up then she would not be a realistic candidate for the career advancement she's had and can expect in the future, because she works in an industry where in her position she cannot just down tools to pick the DCs up - if something kicks off at 3pm then she can still be in the office at midnight. Her employer knows our set up and while fortunately they don't abuse it, they see her as much more reliable than she might have been, and it benefits them and her. Whenever anyone criticises me for not bringing an income in, my wife jumps down their throat with this, and it helps me enormously to deal with the guilt I sometimes harbour for not working.
The other big thing that being a SAHP has enabled is being able to prepare everything we eat from scratch because I have the luxury of time. It also means that I can shop opportunistically for the best prices: I can go to the supermarket at any time to take advantage of red/orange/yellow stickers, and when our local community centre posts that they've got 60 boxes of eggs close to the 'display until' date to give away then I can be down there in minutes to pick a dozen up. And, if I end up with a weird collection of cheap or free food I can take the time to research what to do with it. When the cost of living crisis hit we were able to tighten our belts considerably without feeling the pinch too much.
In terms of finances, obviously my wife is our main source of income. It helps that we both live very frugally and come from families that did. Our finances are joint and very transparent, although we maintain separate accounts. Household bills go straight from DW's account. All day to day expenditure goes on my credit card and DW transfers enough over every month to pay the bill. I don't have 'spending money': if I can't buy it in Lidl or Aldi then I don't need it. On the very rare occasion I want to buy things like new shoes I discuss it with DW, and it goes on the card like everything else. Child Benefit is paid to me; although we lose most of it because of DW's income it gives me NICs towards my state pension.
Downsides: when the DCs were much younger some women did not even bother to cloak their hostility to my presence in activities and classes. Others were very curious or took pity on me. Now they're both in school it's not really an issue with other parents, but there have been practical issues: I have a bank account overseas (long story, not relevant) and every year the tax authorities there ask me to declare my employment status and provide proof of it. I cannot actually do this, and it has caused me no end of grief. Also, despite it being crystal clear in files, the school and the NHS always contact my wife first.
I have daughters, and there have been a couple of times where they've wanted to invite friends for playdates after school etc. When DD1 was in reception there were a few parents who did not appear too thrilled that their own daughters might come here with only me for supervision, but it's no longer an issue now. Also, when the school or my daughters' dance school ask for volunteers they turn my offer down more often than not because they don't want men chaperoning girls. On the other hand, the parents I have become close to know full well that if they are going to be late for a pick up then they can phone me and I'll help out. My father died abroad last year and I've had a few extended periods out of the country as a result, and it has been easy to call in favours from them because they know I'll return it with interest.
At home, because I'm the one enforcing rules and discipline, I tend to be seen as strict parent/bad cop, while my wife is the fun one. I can live with that, but it does grate sometimes. It also means that evenings and weekends are all about mummy for the DCs, and I can sometimes feel ignored or taken for granted but again I can live with that. On the flip side every grazed knee, playground mishap, or whatever results in a beeline for me, which sometimes pisses my wife off. We both often say "or you could ask your other parent who's standing right here."
The final downside which may or may not be relevant to OP is that from time to time I do think about going back to work but even with an MBA and years of senior management experience I'm clearly not a serious candidate for the sort of work I used to do. I've not even had a reply to a job application since March 2022 and, aged 50 with what is now an eight year gap on my CV, I have to acknowledge that there is a very real possibility that I'll never work again. This really does get to me sometimes and reading MN reinforces the vulnerability of being a non-working parent. I would not have considered it if not married, and if it wasn't for the fact that we have considerable capital behind us - most from me - I would not sleep as soundly at night.