Cancelling friends at short notice because of a better offer is very rude...

Bizarre, I'm really surprised (as dishonest as it is) that they didn't lie and say they were ill. I'd never dare say I was seeing someone "better" because that's just awful. Unless they invited you along "just realised such and such is on, shall we cancel the restaurant and go there instead". To just say "let's rearrange because I want to do xyz with michelle" is the height of rudeness, and understandably makes you feel shitty too.

Sod them. Go to the cinema, try for tickets to a play, eat somewhere new, have a great evening out.

I don't know where you are that you can't get dinner reservations for this weekend somewhere decent. I suspect that's more about you being (very reasonably) put out rather than an accurate reflection of the restaurant scene.

A friend did this to us on NY eve last year ... we had dinner booked in a local restaurant, arranged prob October time. Early December they dropped into the convo that they had 'double booked' and were now going to a party at another friend's. Incredibly rude. DH was more pissed off than I was and he's incredibly laid back usually.

Actually I would have a bit of sympathy for that if they are a shiftworking couple or such who genuinely didn't get much time alone, as annoying as it would be, but my children are grown up so I don't need to arrange childcare. What would annoy me is if they blew me off for another friend. That would be the end of the friendship for me.

Ah so you usually host and the one time she is doing it, she can't be arsed?
So has used the excuse when something else has come up?

She's not a friend. NEVER host again.
NEVER trust again with a long term arrangement.
Double check a fortnight and a week before that everything is still in place.

It has happened to me a few times years ago and they never got the chance to do it again.
We were just never available on a Saturday night with a babysitter.

OP, friends who do this to you are user friends.
Don't waste another decade on them.
Cut them loose and focus on those that have the basic decency not to do this.
You are a convenience to them, not a priority.
Realise that and you will save yourself a lot of annoyance.

So you usually host them and now that they were going to cook for you they cancel? Maybe they are invited to a place where they can just put their feet under the table, no effort required? Please tell me you're not inviting them again 🤦🏼‍♀️

Not being unreasonable at all. I remember when I was about 8 I was playing with a friend then a new girl from school who I wanted to be friends with asked me to play so I sent my friend home and went off with the new girl. Still remember my mum ordering me home and reading me the riot act on how bad mannered this was. This reminds me of that time and I would never do this again. Basically it is just bad manners and being adults they should know this.

Yes, it is very rude.

Yes, I try very hard not to do this.

I did do it once recently, however, when a group of local friends who meet up once a month could only meet on a night where I had planned dinner and a catch up with an old friend, and I'd messed up and given that as a date I could do. I knew the right thing would be to stick with the arrangement eith the old friend.

What I actually did was made the excuse that I had a work event I'd forgotten to put in the calendar with the old friend, and we managed to rearrange for the following week. That way I got to do both, but couldn't quite face telling her that I'd changed our arrangement for another group of friends. A work event seemed more unavoidable. I also have to say that I don't think I've ever cancelled and rearranged anything with this friend before and we've known one another for 25 years. Plus it was not done at short notice.

The new group of friends is also important to me as they are a lovely bunch and I haven't made new friends in a long time before this, not having had the time nor headspace fir ages.

Old friend and I also resolved not to leave it so long next time, and we are meeting up again next month.

Be more chill. You sound hard work in the post. Merge friend grouos, do things without them. Im not saying it isnt disappointing but you maje it sound like a chore rather than fun.

I think because your initial post comes across as if there was no arrangement for a meet up and that you’re only now trying to arrange a meet up for (this?) weekend, and we’re getting huffy over the fact that your friends already had plans (and not willing to cancel those to meet you). I thought the title was a reverse thingy. At least that’s why I voted yabu.
I now realise it’s the other way round. I wonder whether these are really friends? You also mention teachers wanting to stay, are they really friends or are you just a convenient place to stay for a holiday? Ask yourself who would go into a burning house for you. That are your real friends. Focus in them snd ignore the flaky prople and tjose just using you as a bed and breakfast.

My ex decided to go on holiday with his friends instead of having the weekend away with me. We'd put the weekend in our diaries weeks before but not actually booked anything. When he told me about the holiday, he said people put dates in their diary in advance so that there was time to cancel them if need be. I still can't understand his reasoning. And you can see why he's an ex.

I have severe social anxiety but I'll show my face if I said i was going to be there and just bob out early on

If you've made plans then you stick to them its incredibly rude to bail for something different

YANBU, it's very rude to cancel without a good reason. We had a friend who moved to the other end of the country and he would visit our area once a year. Every year we invited him for dinner and the evening and he would end up changing the day at the last minute, because he got another invitation. I always accommodated him. Last time it happened, the only nights he wanted to change to were not doable for me- one was the first night of an evening course, the other my friend from Australia was visiting and and I hadn't seen her for 10 years. Selfish friend went mad, said I should cancel my Australian friend's visit because he's more important. I told him where to go, we haven't spoken since, I don't miss him one bit!

Why bother with her at all?

This has recently happened to me for the second time with someone I classed as a good friend. Both times we were supposed to be going to something that was important to me. First time I went on my own but this last time I was so upset I didn’t go - regret that now - but I haven’t spoken to her since. We have tickets booked for something in December - I’ll try and get another ticket and go with someone else.

Yeah it’s becoming more common and acceptable to just flake on people. People don’t stick to firm commitments anymore. If I have a night out booked with friends, I won’t just cancel because I have a better offer!
Maybe you should let your flaky friends know they’ve inconvenienced you and don’t just let them get away with it.
Friend: sorry can’t do the 24th anymore cos Tom that I’ve not seen in ages is in town just for that one night and I promised I’d see him. Can we rearrange?
You: we had this planned for months and I’ve went and arranged a babysitter so it’s not as easy as just rearranging.

My family do this and it’s really rude. The other thing they do is not commit to events (like what they’re doing over Christmas) in case they get a better offer. It’s really hurtful and makes me dig my heels in when they do suddenly ‘summon’ us.

I have this all the time. Pisses me off no end, then I wonder if I’m being paranoid.

This! I agree Op & think you need new friends altogether as you deserve to be treated better.

There are two Mum’s in one of my groups of friends who do this constantly. We make plans, often many weeks in advance so we can find a date that works for everyone. And then they either just completely ignore all group messages the week of the meet up or message to say that they’ve been invited to a party/husband is going out instead/might be going away for the weekend. It’s so rude and annoying!

I’ve got one - had a heart to heart with a friend who had just become a mum about how hard it is to maintain friendships with friends without kids. I said she still had me and we made plans to go and see the Barbie film together. I arranged childcare. She then texted a week before and said the friend who had caused the upset asked her to go a few days before and she knew this wouldn’t be convenient for me so she’d not only not invited me but traded our tickets for a different film with her husband. I must say I was rather put out at the time but now I find it funny, our friendship didn’t last much longer after this though 😂

That may have been why they cancelled, because they were too tight to host.

I wouldn’t host them again.

I also ditch people like this and have plenty of friends. So there are good’uns out there!

I find what helps is not booking too far in advance, unless the other person is paying for a ticket, and then mentioning the event numerous times between planning and it happening. I think it’s mostly when you plan far in advance and then don’t check in until a few days before that these rude people cancel.