Dh saw old images of my ex ex and I

This.

In two posts you have referred to them being shared on the internet when OP has clarified in an update that she guards against this. You’re assuming she shared them with her ex and that doesn’t seem to be the case - hence them being stored in a file and not on the camera roll. She’s anxious enough without these catastrophising scenarios.

Well, we know the answer to that dont we? 😬

I have a tiny amount of "ah that sucks a bit" for the DH as his own nosiness caused his feelings now, but full sympathy is reserved for the op.

I will never understand why people take such images. It just has the potential to cause so many issues, like this. But each to their own I guess.

Just need to give him time I think. It wasn't nice for him to see images of his wife shagging an ex. I'd be distant to in his place. Nothing you can do really

Of course everyone has a sexual past, but not everyone takes photos of it. It depends on how the husband views that as to how he reacts. He's still got to get over it though. He doesn't need to grow up. Not liking intimate pictures is not immature. He needs to come to terms with it though and move on.

OP isn't the victim, she said he could wipe it.

Don't apologise any more OP, just be normal and give him a bit of space and time to get over it. Focus on the pregnancy. If in a week he is still being distant then I would bring it up again and get him to talk about his feelings so you can reassure him.

He wasn’t snooping, Op said why he was looking through things

Losing track of which old phone they're on is very different to having them put online, as you well know. Again: you have deliberately brought a worst case scenario that wasn't the subject of the thread in order to further distress the OP.

I'm not saying she shared them on the internet.
But she said she had lost track of the images.
Presumably her ex also had access to these images and she has no idea of what he has done with them or who he has shared them with.

This is the bit that l don’t understand either. She gave him permission to wipe the phone, so why did he go through it first when there was no need ? A factory reset was all that was necessary.

Op is the victim here as she has had her privacy invaded. She certainly doesn't need his forgiveness as she has done absolutely nothing wrong.

This is what I'm struggling to understand, why not just factory reset if OP had given the ok to wipe and recycle? The phones I've had this has been in system setting not file folders/photos. If he was worried about losing important photos and it was OP's phone, why wouldn't he give it to her to check. I wouldn't assume to know what photos and files my DH would want to keep, so we just take care of that ourselves.

This. The onus is on the OP to make him feel better, not the other way around.

I understand the context and the anxiety, but he's the one that needs reassurance right now.

you know him best and what he may need from you - but I would be talking to him to acknowledge his feelings and reassure him of your feelings for him.

It was OP herself who said she had lost track of the images. So it was she who brought up the fact she had no idea of where these images are, and therefore who has access to them.

Where has she said she has shared them on the internet ? They weren’t even on the phones’ camera roll, they were stored in a file folder. Even uploaded to the cloud they can’t be viewed unless you give access.

I don't think the OP's husband did anything wrong. He asked permission to charge and wipe the phones, it was granted. In that situation, I would look at the photos too, because I wouldn't want to wipe precious memories without checking - it's a kindness that he went in to look and make sure there weren't irreplaceable photos of family members that have since passed away, or whatever.

I also don't think he's behaving badly now, OP. I think YABU. He is doing his best after seeing something that in an ideal world, he would never have seen. You're expecting him to carry on as normal immediately. And if he's saying the right words, and can put them in context, he'll get there eventually, but you getting cross with him now because he isn't over it yet is a you problem, not a him problem.

It's one thing knowing your partner has had previous sexual partners, quite another to see graphic photos in the act. I would be destroyed if I saw photos of my husband having sex with another woman, even though I know full well he has, and have met some of them. It's not about imagining your partner never touched anyone before you.

I get the desire for it all to go away, but he's allowed a bit of time to lick his wounds. It sounds like he's doing his best. You just have to suck it up. I hope the atmosphere clears soon.

Oh cmon, it’s not he can’t get his head round the fact she wasn’t a virgin. What an odd comment, it’s he saw images of her having sex, and clearly she’s not specifically said, but exactly what sexual acts and the look on her face etc, no one wants to bloody see that, and that’s a long way from he can’t get his head round the fact she wasn’t a virgin.

The onus is on those men to get over themselves tbh.

It's reasonable for him to feel some type of way at seeing the pictures but if I was his friend I'd be saying he needs to move on from them because there's nothing actually wrong or unusual about his wife having had previous sexual partners. The feelings are reasonable but if he actually thinks the OP is "tainted" that's a huge red flag.

In fairness to him it sounds like he does know all this hence saying the right things. In a year's time he and OP will probably be laughing about all of this.

Was your DH under the impression that you were a virgin when he met you?

Obviously no one wants to see photos of their spouse with another lover, but what has it changed? You had sex with another man before you met and married him; if he honestly can’t get his head around that then that’s bizarre.

You don't go into file folders to wipe a phone.

All the snooping accusations are ridiculous. It is no different to looking through a physical file before dumping it in recycling.

The only 'wrongdoing' here is neither giving things a second thought, hence OP's DH seeing something he shouldn't have. In my house, DD does all the tech wiping and she always looks first - to ensure nothing important or sentimental is lost.

I feel sorry for them both, but @Kazane it will blow over. Very few wouldn't be shocked in your DH's shoes, however, you have done nothing wrong other than not delete them at the time

Give it some time.

Sharing explicit images on the internet is not the subject of the thread. It happens sometimes, unfortunately - the problem is with those who share the images, not those who are in them. It also doesn't necessarily happen. I would say the majority of people who've taken explicit photos of themselves have not had them shared online. And there is no suggestion that it's happened to the OP. So yes, you are introducing an unlikely worst case scenario into a thread simply to worsen the OP's anxiety. Not a good look.

Of course there is an atmosphere, if you were horrified by what you saw how do you think he feels? You say you would act differently but it's unlikely that you would.

For now those images will be in his head and although we all have a past actually being confronted with photos of your OH having sex with someone else is not the same as knowing.

Whether these photos were of acts that you and your DH do together or stuff you haven't tried there are some things that you cant unsee. You agree that this was an accident, he doesn't snoop and is a good man,

So give him time to process it.

Sorry just seen he did ask op and she said fine to wipe it. Even worse then he should have just got on with it but he fancied a little snoop around instead.