Dh saw old images of my ex ex and I

I agree with this ^
also some people are more visual then others so images are stuck with them for longer, it’s just the way their brain works. However he needs to do something about that not you, he needs to move himself from this and focus on realities of today’s life which are that you are expecting a child together, presumably he has a job and other responsibilities.

FFS he snooped and found something he didn't want to see. He needs to take responsibility for that. He could have deleted everything without looking, but he didn't. Natural consequences.

He's entitled to his feelings but he shouldn't make it OPs problem. People have been taking rude images of themselves practically as long as cameras became available to the average person. If it wasn't on the phone it could easily be a forgotten photo in a box. I've seen bits of these going through deceased family's things - there is a reason I tossed them without looking further. I don't want to look at something I couldn't unsee. He could have done the same.

He asked if he could wipe them and she said yes. Why was there a need to go through them first ? A simple factory reset would have done the job.

Presumably as "it takes two to tango" - does the "ex" in this relationship have these photos (or similar) on their phone as well ?

Have you any idea what they've done with their copies?

What right has anyone got to be upset about something that happened years before they knew their partner even existed? He’s ridiculous.

He asked her and she said yes, she even wrote that,

That’s fine , that’s how you’d do it, I’d also briefly check through folders before I deleted though just to be sure nothing in there required as you forget with time, I’d see no issue with that and not consider myself snooping.

He has a right to be upset, just leave it be and let him get over it.

@sandyhappypeople
He did ask her could he do it and she told him to crack on. It's right there if you read her posts properly.

Er, yes, l would ! OP gave her permission for the phone to be wiped. A simple factory reset was all that was necessary. Absolutely no need to go through it first. The photos weren’t on the camera roll, they were in a file folder, and the device was from before OP and he even met. He has no reason to treat OP as though she was cheating. He is not a victim of anything except his own curiosity.

It's not his to decide to 'get rid of'!!

You would do it with your OWN old phones, someone else's old phone (from before they were with you) you would give to them and ask them to see if they wanted anything saving on it before you wiped it for them!!

How would he know what photos were important and what weren't to OP before wiping? You wouldn't look through someone old photo albums and decide what to throw away or keep so this is exactly the same! Or read someone's old diaries/journals before deciding to get rid of them!!

Anyone who thinks he wasn't snooping was born yesterday!!

Jesus, hope you've got a back-up string of pearls, those ones are in danger of breaking.

It was only 'lost track of' in terms of a forgotten phone being in her home.

Obviously, there are risks in taking these kinds of photos, as OP knows only too well now, but taking a few intimate photos with a partner you absolutely trust is not that unusual.

That's really difficult for your DH. I can see why with the best will in the world he'd be having difficulty controlling his feelings which is coming across as 'off'. Because all the rationalisation in the world about you doing nothing wrong can't wipe out the visceral and involuntary reaction he will have had at seeing something he never should have seen, and can't unsee. The fact he is 'saying the right words' shows I think that he can't help himself but is making an effort. I think this is something you will need to wait out until the images fade for him. Its rotten luck for you both.

I think you need to be a bit more fair to him tbh. I’m sure you’re feeling vulnerable especially because you’re pregnant but he can’t know what that feels like but you can empathise with him.

If it were me I’d be mad, obviously all stemming from insecurity but I wouldn’t be speaking to you full stop so at least he’s trying to be reasonable. Just give him some time, he should come around.

Also don’t feel too guilty we all have a past and whether you’re embarrassed by it now or not it’s all part of developing and maturing so don’t be too hard on yourself.

You might want to check the photos to see if there are any you want to save rather than delete?

Omg stop making it about you. He isn't being awful. He understands as you say he has been saying the right thing. He logically knows nothing is wrong, however, emotionally he saw awful photos of the women he loves with someone else. He needs time to shake it off.

You haven't done anything wrong, neither has he. If he needs time to process and get back to normal let him.

Jesus the advice gets better and better 😂He owes her an apology for breaching her privacy 😂I swear some of these posters must work for the labour party. If not totally in the wrong careers.

That's my thoughts as well. I don't blame him for being curious and having a quick look and don't think he was being deliberately malicious.

On the bright side, I always assumed I was poor with tech, but I do know how to do a factory reset without accidently viewing porn, so maybe I'm not doing too badly!

I've got old phones which i haven't wiped, and i have old photos backed up on Google which I need to clear. It's so easy to forget about it when you get a new phone(and I keep buying more Google storage 🤦‍♀️). My phone backs up every day.

As for the husband, he'll be fine. He probably didn't expect to see that sort of thing.

Im sorry you are feeling so anxious esp when pregnant.I would give your DH time to recover TBF. Hes had a shock ,and will need time to come to terms with it. Everyone has a past , but men are funny creatures sometimes. And its one thing to have a vague idea of his wifes sexual history before they met .Another completely to see graphic sexual images! I think he will come round in time .You will have babe to focus on and he will be a Daddy!

Op out of curiosity how far into the file folder were these thumbnails?

He’s not a victim either. OP said he could go ahead and wipe it. A factory reset was all that was needed.

@Kazane @GreyCarpet @TheDisgustingBrothers have this nailed between them. Totally agree.

Feelings have been brought to the surface for both of you, but words help them to be processed. He's saying the right thing, because he knows it's the right thing to say. Sounds like he's doing his best to process his feelings. You're doing the right thing too, by allowing him space to be able to get his head around intimate images of his beautiful pregnant wife with another man.

Be there for each other, no judgement on either side, no one has done anything wrong, but a 21st century problem has landed in your world and ruffled a few feathers; they'll smooth over with time and patience. Don't allow your anxiety to take over.

Irony that you talk of double standards. Love the spin you're putting on this to make DH out to be in the wrong. A 7 year old phone that has admittedly sat in a 'dumping ground' box is checked for contents and it's classed as snooping. Lol.

That phone could have easily contained photos of a dead relative that had significant senitmental value to OP.

DH has honestly reacted the best way anyway could hope for, short of being a complete robot. He wasn't aggressive, was open and honest about his feelings and is quietly trying to heal with dignity.

I honestly would question how much a guy truly loved his partner if he simply got over this in a couple of days. He clearly loves and adores OP and will recover from this in his own time.

I would love to watch posters give the same advice on MN to people they care about in real life. No way would 'rosscameasdoody' tell her son, brother, best friend in that situation that they were snooping, and to stop pouting. Lol.

It will pass op. It's one of those rare time when no one is to blame, but he's been hurt anyway.
It's not going to be the last time where one of you inadvertently gets hurt by something the other did/does/said etc

Think of it in the same way as a misunderstanding.

The way you both process this now is what matters, and that's what he's doing. You said he said all the right things do his intention right now isn't to hurt you either.

Perhaps go out for a long walknor day trip somewhere nice together on the weekend to reconnect.