Dh saw old images of my ex ex and I

It's not that she "dared to have a sex life". It's that it was recorded for posterity. Why can't posters get their heads around this?

I wouldnt say pro-men tbf. Just potentially that you've made up a thread to prove your point.

If you take an old phone anywhere to dispose of, you'd be mad not to wipe it first

You can wipe a phone without looking at things. If he was going to be squeamish about things, he should not have looked through it.

If you have even just a small amount of emotional intelligence its usually very obvious when someone is being distant and off with you. Maybe take op at face value that she knows her DH well enough to know he is being a bit of a dick as a result of his own nosiness.

As a side OP, dont be surprised if you get this thrown back at you in future if your sex life does take a bit of a hit after baby arrives.

Oh you’ve got me, you’ve exposed me and my my pro men agenda

Well done 👏

Literally no one would go straight to a file folder and check there unless you were sniffing about.

I think you’ve just articulated what it is that bothers me. l wouldn’t say it was malicious snooping but l think there’s been an element of curiosity. I could understand flicking through the camera roll, but this says something else.

Why is he quietly punishing her? Maybe she’s expecting him to treat her differently and she’s interpreting his actions with that mindset.
Maybe he’s quiet because he feels awkward?

lt’s all there in OPs posts.

OP doesn't own her DH feelings and doesn't get to dicate how long he can be upset, angry, sad for.

If she had done something to hurt him then I would agree with you, but why should she be made to feel bad in this scenario at all?? Let alone for an unknown prolonged period of time??

SHE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG!!

This is exactly like someone asking how many sexual partners you've had, then treating you differently when they don't like the answer.. don't ask then! and don't snoop!! OP should not be held hostage to her DHs feelings because he was snooping in her old phones from before they were together and found something he didn't like!

Again I think it's a testament to how much her DH cares for her as to why he's quiet. And I also think he's taken a considerate and dignified approach to dealing with the situation.

You’re entitled to your opinion of course, but my feeling is that if these images bother him enough to treat OP so differently that she seeking advice on MN, that’s a significant problem. If he cares for her then he should recognise that this was in the past and has absolutely no bearing on their relationship. He should be putting it behind him, instead of which he’s quietly punishing his pregnant wife for something that is none of his concern.

Of course 🤣

Why is he wiping and throwing away a phone that isn't his?

Why don't you just speak for yourself and stop posturing about what other people would do or say!

If my BIL found compromising photos of my sister by snooping on her old devices from years before she even knew him, and then made her feel bad (OP is already an anxious type as she has said so, her DH is well aware of how unhappy his 'off' treatment will be making her feel). then YES I would be advising her that it was none of his business and he stop punishing her for something she can't change, in fact I'd probably tell him myself if it carried on any longer.

I most certainly would not be advising her to pander to his unreasonable response to his own snooping behaviour.

No one should be punished for having a previous sexual history, if you don't want to know about it or can't handle it, then don't bloody ask!! and if you don't think you'd like what you'd find then FFS don't go trawling through peoples PRIVATE photos from a time before they even knew you!!

That’s not the one I read

If it’s the same thread as l remember, she caught him pleasuring himself while watching them and it turned out he was cheating on the OP with the ex, so the advice was clearly appropriate.

Why does he need to get past it in a timeframe dictated by OP? Why can't he get over it when he's good and ready? It's literally been a few days. OP doesn't own her DH feelings and doesn't get to dicate how long he can be upset, angry, sad for.

Again I think it's a testament to how much her DH cares for her as to why he's quiet. And I also think he's taken a considerate and dignified approach to dealing with the situation.

The other way round, I would be telling a woman to get over it too.

It’s rarely about the act. Or the people involved. It’s because it makes some people insecure about themselves, “she had bigger breasts than me/was thinner/prettier”, with men, it’s probably a sense of ownership, how dare she have been with anyone else, or possibly “his penis is bigger than mine/he’s got a better body.”

It’s purely a problem on their side, but instead of addressing that, they throw a tantrum at their partner for something quite normal they did before they met them. It’s something I have little time for in life, regardless of the gender of the person.

I think i remember that thread.

If its the same one he was wanking to them and he still saw the ex. So wildly different scenario.

You have done nothing wrong. He also hasn't done anything terrible, assuming he doesn't have form for controlling behavior or jealousy, though that's the risk he took scrolling through someone else's phone... A heads up might have prevented this.

Just a bit of time will help I think. Don't feed the insecurity with constant reassurance. Just acknowledge that you wished he hadn't seen them and say no more.

How would her DH know what was sentimental or not? It's not his phone and it's from a time from before they were even together.

Op didn't want to look through it, she asked for the phone to be wiped and disposed of, her DH shouldn't have taken it upon himself to trawl through them looking for what he considered may be sentimental to her or not, as it is really none of his business and certainly not in his remit.

I'd actually be more understanding if it was a phone she had while they were together, but an old phone from before he knew her? He was snooping, pure and simple.

I find this very weird. If he knows youve had a relationship before him what's the problem? If it were me I wouldn't have wanted to see them but if I accidentally did it wouldnt have bothered me at all. Probably an 'ugh, wish I hadnt have seen that' and then forgotten all about it.

And the op would be told by most "its your own fault, he did what you asked"

The point is, if the phone predates the husband being in a relationship with the OP, how would he know what's important to her and what isn't? I know my DH had a friend at uni who died in their final year, but I wouldn't recognise him if I saw him on a photo on one of his old phones. He would likely choose to keep that photo if he stumbled across it again, so that would make him better placed than me to check his old phone for important memories and files.

Personally, I cba to go through tech I haven't switched on in years. If I've not missed a photo in all that time I can live without it. I'd be happy for my DH to hit factory reset without looking and he would do that if asked.

I remember a similar thread from years ago. A woman went on her partners old laptop for some reason and found photos/videos of him with a previous partner.
The consensus was that he was a pervert/sexual deviant who was absolutely abhorrent for doing those sorts of things and she had no reasonable option other than to leave him.
The double standards on here never cease to amaze me.