Dh saw old images of my ex ex and I

I'd check photos before I chucked a phone, there might be something precious. I wouldn't know if an old phone was mine or DHs as we have often had the same make and model so yes I'd check the photos in case I wanted to keep one.

You don’t need to be apologising for things that you did before you met.

I do think there's a big difference between having sexual pictures of your ex on your current phone/laptop and having them on a device that hasn't been turned on in years. If there was any suggestion that OP had been deliberately keeping and treasuring the photos I think the advice would, rightly, be very different.

Probably better that he checked it rather than recycle it with intimate pictures on it. Who knows who would have seen it.

How would he know what's important if its not his phone?

OP gave him permission to wipe her phone with no explicit intructions not to look at the contents first. The majority of sensible people would have a quick glance first to ensure nothing of importance was being lost, then again afterwards to ensure the wipe worked. The less sensible approach would be to wipe it blindly or not at all.

People can also get upset about situations where nobody is explicitly to blame and shouldn't be berated into 'getting over it' or labelled a baby etc for not coming to terms with it in the snap of a finger.

Yes.

You're a treat aren't you?

He is not valid to look through her personal pictures. He knew it wasn't his phone. It's a modern version of '"Eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves". He shouldn't have been looking and should have asked OP to do it.

She didn't shove the pictures under his nose, he took her personal property and looked through it.

Ahh this is a difficult one, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I were confronted with images like that. I don’t think either of you are in the wrong though. You obviously totally forgot they were on there, he was innocently checking before wiping it. I guess it will just take him time to process and move forward.

No point anyone saying he shouldn't of looked as he has and that can not be changed.
Of course we all have a history and it's one thing hearing about it and one thing seeing intimate pictures of it.
Op's DH knows she isn't to blame and that she didn't do it on purpose and due to the op's own admission she doesn't use her phone for those kind of photos, so he obviously was not expecting to see them so it was obviously more of a shock.
All the op can do is let him get over the process himself and reassure him that he is the person that she wanted to marry and have a family with.

And as a side note I worked for Nokia for many years and as standard you have to wipe data off customers phones for data protection, and after you have done this the quickest was to check it's worked is to open the gallery, yes about 1 in 200 used to fall so the process would have to be repeated.

He should have asked for OP's permission, it's her personal property.

OP has herself acknowledged she would equally have been upset if the roles were reversed. She said she would have behaved differently, but people are different. We're allowed to be different and we have no right to demand our partner processes things in a manner of our choosing.

PP are laughable in their description of DH 'actions'. He's been a bit quiet and distant for a couple of days FFS, which has been described as a 'big baby tantrum', or holding the OP emotionally 'hostage' among other things.

These same posters could seemingly shrug off seeing explicit photos of their partner with a former lover but would be too brittle to handle a bit of silent treatment without kicking off 😂

Exactly!
Plus, you do not dump or wipe any phone that is not yours! Without asking first, at least.

You’re focused on the atmosphere being upsetting for you but he is entitled to be upset by what he saw. It doesn’t matter if you apologised and it doesn’t matter that you didn’t do anything malicious, he is still completely valid to have those feelings. He just needs time and you pressuring him or guilting him into not having those feelings isn’t fair.

Give him enough time to stop picturing what he saw when he looks at you.

@Kazane you’ve said you’d feel really upset if you saw photos of your DH and his ex so you understand why he feels as he does. You just have to give it time. When DH and I have a significant argument, it’s over for him when apologies are exchanged. But it takes me a bit longer because I feel bruised by what’s happened, even though it’s resolved. My DH now knows I’m not sulking, I’m just processing. Perhaps your husband is the same.

I can get my head round that.

Whats wrong with doing that? So what? She recorded it before she even knew he existed and then forgot about them.

The big baby is now throwing a tantrum and punishing her for something she did before she met him. That’s mental.

For it to be double standards:

The thread needs to exist in the first place and be the same or very similar scenario

And

The same posters need to be on both threads contradicting themselves.

You have done nothing to apologise for.

Snoopers like eavesdroppers tend to end up upsetting themselves.

Good.

You don’t need to look through the photos to do that

Disagree, as I think it’s sensible. Before I wiped a phone I’d check there are no photos and if there were I’d check with the ‘owner’ if they wanted them saved somewhere before wiping. Maybe the OP could have had photos of themselves and a grandparent at grandparents 90th birthday on it! I’d have a quick flick through to make a decision on whether to ask someone or not - a few photos of a landscape and some tulips, I’d just forge on. Family photo’s or photo’s that look like they are from a trip to Thailand or somewhere, I’d go ask what they wanted done. So, I don’t think the OP’s DH has done anything sinister.

It just reinforces it’s very foolish though to take these sort of photos no matter who with. Very different to days gone by when there was just a physical instant polaroid that would pop out (and even then it was acknowledged as a stupid thing - what happens to those Polaroids if people split up/divorce, in some cases they could be posted to 90yo granny out of spite!). No idea why people think it’s a good idea to do this, and apart from the ‘electronic and could end up anywhere’ aspect, it’s this sort of stuff that becomes problematic. Too late for OP to understand that though!

If I'm about to swipe my phone or computer. I do a check on pictures and files just in case. If my partner said it was ok reset heir old phone, I would assume they game persuasion to check it unless otherwise stated. I dont think that is snooping 🤷🏼‍♀️

Remember, MN is the home of double standards!

Much the same as the numerous women who 'happen' to see something they don't like on their husbands' phones but MN accepts such 'accidental' viewings as acceptable. Usual double standards.

And it may be unreasonable of her DH, but there's one thing knowing that your partner has a previous sexual life before you and there's another thing seeing it.

And let this be a lesson - make sure you clear your old phone whenever you get a new one.