Dh saw old images of my ex ex and I

@Megifer
The op said he was going to recycle the phone - not sell it. I always clear down old phones and check what’s on them before recycling them. Isn’t that what most people do?

Obviously you used the stuff in the box from time to time,you must have seen the phone there..why keep it.

Thank god he did wipe it, those photos could have ended up anywhere !

I mean, sure he was going to wipe and recycle a phone years old to get £5 for it 🙄

I'd feel uncomfortable and probably upset if I were your husband. It's wrong of him to treat you like this though. He really needs to distance himself from those photos, not you.

You didn't do anything wrong, OP, it was an unfortunate situation but not meant to harm anyone. He obviously knows this himself as it sounds like there's a gap between what he's saying and what he's doing. People are imperfect though and sometimes our feelings cloud things. It'll blow over.

You've both had a bit of a shock and are both feeling a bit emotionally bruised right now.

It'll pass.

I agree with the date night this weekend idea.

Enough time will have passed to allow emotions to be a little less raw and a good chance to reconnect.

Well it is what it is. Not very nice for him but he can't sulk for too long nor can you be resentful of him for feeling how he feels! Perhaps a nice date night this weekend.

Next time you can wipe devices clean/system reboot from the boot menu rather than going into the phone and deleting files manually.

no more apologising please. understand yes its not nice to see images but these are from a time when you wernt together (and might not have even known eachother). its down to him to get over this OP

Try to focus on what he said, not what you think you feel.

He's saying the right things because he knows, rationally, they are the right things. You know, rationally, they're the right things too. No blame should be attached to either of you, no one did anything wrong, nothing should be irreocably changed.

Neither of your feelings have quite caught up with your rational brains yet - and that's also fine. It will just take a bit of time. That's why we say the right things - to encourage our feelings down the right track. He's probably saying them for his own benefit as well as yours.

Perhaps she has "grown up".

But there must be a lot of questions going through her H's head about what other sexualised images exist of his wife and who is in possession of them.
For all he knows these images and similar might be still currently available for viewing on the Internet somewhere. Because presumably OP's ex had access to explicit images involving her.

He shouldn’t have been looking no matter how old the phone is or just because you’re married now. Serves him right. It’s your phone did he ask if you wanted it wiped? Maybe you would have liked to look at your old memories first.

Is he a bit controlling?

You have nothing to apologise for (except being a little careless with your photos) and your husband has no reason to be off with you for having a life before him.
Did he think you were a virgin when you met?

He needs to get a grip.

He was snooping. Was he a virgin when you married him? If not then I can’t see what his problem is.
Snoop and ye shall find.

He had no reason to look in those files. He knew it wasn't his phone. Assuming he didn't ask you first? He's breached your privacy and owes you an apology.

You haven’t done anything wrong, he should have asked before wiping your old phone. He will have to work out how to get over this.

But you can't say to someone:

"you shouldn't have been looking so it's your fault you got your feelings hurt (get over it this minute)"

Emotions don't work like that. He has done something which is presumably within normal boundaries in their relationship and now he has got some processing to do.

@Kazane I think he will need time but should come to accept that you are blameless, I am sorry you feel like this at such a sensitive time, but I think it would be a mistake to tell him to hurry up.

She’s different because she’s grown up.

But it wasn’t his phone to wipe. I don’t think I would look at the images on someone else’s phone no matter how old it was - unless they were deceased. And even then I might not.

Perhaps not. But perhaps his perception of his wife wasn't that she was in the habit of taking pornographic pictures of herself.

I don't blame him for taking a bit of time to come to terms with realising he is married to someone who is actually slightly different from the woman he thought he was married to.

Did the phone not need a pin or something to open it?

Sorry this happened, I agree to just give him some time.

Yes but unless the OP had set the photos of her and her ex at it as her screensaver he had no need to go looking through the camera reel, did he? He knew it wasn't his phone so he didn't need to look through everything to know whether it could be wiped, that was OP's decision.

Looking at photos is also a perfectly normal thing to do. The op says he saw a couple and stopped as soon as he realised what they were.