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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I entitled or is this not ok?

33 replies

Abiggal · 22/10/2025 21:53

DP left me when I was pregnant. Said he didn’t want to be a dad (despite telling me he wanted a family for the first two years of our relationship). The pregnancy was not intended.

I didn’t want an abortion and so he left me. He refused to even communicate and accused me of sleeping with someone else when I claimed cms, so put me and his son through a dna test. When ds was 14 months he was desperate to get in touch and apologised over and over.

I know this sounds insane but I let him back into our lives and even had a relationship with him again for two years. He lived 300 miles away and came over every weekend. He promised he wanted me to move to him and that he would sell his place to get somewhere bigger so we could expand our family. Anyway DS turned five last month and I turned 40 so I said it’s now or never and he’s basically refused to try for another and on top of that totally gone off the idea of us living together like we planned.

I feel sick and so sad. I’ve obviously ended it once and for all now but I feel so awful. I’ve made some stupid mistakes and wasted so much time. We are both professionals and on the surface it looks like we had such a nice life but clearly he is emotionally fucked up and I must be too to have put up with it.

I don’t know what I’m asking really but my mum has criticised me for ending things as she says ds needs a dad. Even though the family dynamic if you could even call it that wasn’t even there in the first place. Ex is saying he still wants to see ds and expects to stay in my home to do that. That puts me in a shit position as I don’t want ds to miss out. He is actually a good dad and ds loves him. I can’t believe this is my life and I’m so shaken up and sad. I am right to end this, right?

OP posts:
Original poster
Abiggal · 22/10/2025 22:01

I’m 40. and I wasted the last few years of my thirties and the last of my fertility on a man who clearly didn’t give a shit about me and never did

OP posts:
GreenCandleWax · 22/10/2025 22:01

So sorry OP. Wish i had advice, but just wanted to say I know you can pick yourself up and be independent of this unreliable wastrel. Your DS is only 5 - he won't re member when he is older much about his DF before now, so hope you will make a nice life for the two of you. No way can ex expect to stay in your home!💐

DoYouReally · 22/10/2025 22:00

Well at least you recognise it's insane.

Mother's aren't always right....mine would say get as far away as you can from that absolute waster and go live the happy life you deserve.

Original poster
Abiggal · 22/10/2025 21:58

I am shocked at how deeply it’s affected me. When I look back I feel like it’s someone else’s life. All I ever wanted was a loving home and this is what I settled for.

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 22/10/2025 21:58

I'm sorry you've been criticised by your mum at a time you need support. Your ex can 'expect' all he likes but no don't house him! What happens when you might meet a new partner in time. If he wants to maintain contact with his son, he needs to take responsibility for that. It's ok to want more for yourself than a man who lives 300 miles away with no plans to change and on whom you can't rely or have trust.

Childanddogmama · 22/10/2025 21:58

You can end a realtionship for any reason you like. You want to live together and he doesn't. He has had plenty of time to make this happen/prepare for it.
he doesn't need to see the child in your house. He should make his own arrangements for that.

ClarissR · 22/10/2025 21:57

What a time waster

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/10/2025 21:55

You are right to end it and you would be right not to facilitate your ex staying in your home to see DS. It is his responsibility to maintain contact with his son, not yours! Obviously you should agree to contact but he needs to sort his own accommodation, not expect to stay in your home. It’s not on you to ensure your DS doesn’t miss out on his dad, it’s for your ex to sort - don’t let him guilt you into thinking the relationship between father and son is your responsibility!!