Am I entitled or is this not ok?

I agree with the previous poster who said be kind to yourself. I too got back together with the man who dumped me when pregnant. I had reasons but it seems mad now. Look after yourself and your son, facilitate contact with his father but I wouldn’t have him staying at yours. Good luck.

Yes. End it. He's a liar and a child.

You do not have to let him stay at your house. He needs to facilitate his own contact. Ask him to set out what contact schedule he wants. Go from there. Ignore anything that isn't what contact schedule he wants.

Example:

what contact you want?

i need to stay in your house for it. im mad at you. you suck bla bla bla but i want every Friday for 6 hours plus you're fat

every Friday for 6 hours, that works thanks see you then

Ignore your mum. Don't even speak to her about it.

I wouldn’t say it’s entitled like you said in your title. If you don’t want to be with him, don’t.

It's fine to come to your senses.

But don't be too hard on yourself for what went before.

You have a lovely son and you've facilitated a relationship with his father which will be important to him.

There's no guarantee you'd have met someone else or had another child.

You are in the what if stage which is completely understandable but late 30s, with a toddler in tow doesn't make for easy relationship building. There's too much at stake in terms of introducing them, moving in etc before even considering the dynamics of a half sibling/step child etc. These risks didn't exist in the same way with his dad so I can see how you feel into this more easily.

Yes some people make it work but these boards are also filled with hundreds of examples of the opposite and people putting their own wants before the child they actually have.

What I'm trying to say is be kind to yourself, focus on what you do have and try not to look at the imaginary alternatives through rose coloured glasses. You have done your best to do the right thing for your son so far and I'm sure you will find a way through this that continues to do so.

Tell your mum she is welcome to him if she thinks so much of him.
She is letting you down with her facile and shortsighted comment.
He doesn’t need to be in your life anymore than as your child’s father and certainly not in your home.

End it.

As a grown up man and a "professional" he can:

a) make his own arrangements to day trip (yes, long day for him but it is to spend time with DS)

b) find accommodation e.g. local guest house and stay over? (edited to add "on a regular basis) e.g. Guest House but his choice so don't sweat it

You are not responsible for solving his problems. He is.

Good luck x

You've done nothing wrong.
You put your all into your relationship.
You wamted to move to the next step.
You forgave him which is a hard thing to do.
You communicated your needs.
You now, finally, have an answer and know that isn't what you want.
You are teaching your son to not settle.
You will teach your son that being single and happy is far more important than settling in a relationship with someone who isn't really your partner and doesn't show you the love you need.
Your son is 5, same age my son was when we broke up. Almost 2 years on and he struggles with us not living together... but your son already is used to that. He's used to not seeing dad everyday.
End this relationship. Focus on what you and your son need, not your soon to be ex.
Do NOT let your ex stay in your house.
Do initiate a plan where dad can have son every other weekend. Maybe more during the school.holidays if that works.
Organise a plan for Christmas now, if he won't agree then share your plan for this Christmas and explain that discussions can continue about Xmas 2027.
Do not give in to his demands unless they are actually the best thing for your son. Go with your gut.
Also, go through your messages now and screenshot any that evidence the current parenting situation. The precedent has been set, child is in school, dad lives 300 miles away- every other weekend and more of the holidays is all that is possible.
Stay strong. You can do this!

Don’t stop him from seeing him. He can come visit , take him out for day, stay at a hotel or airbb.

Here for support, you will get through it. Try and get some real life support (not from your mother) so you can move through this and not pass the rejection and humiliation on to your son.

I don’t know what I’m asking really but my mum has criticised me for ending things as she says ds needs a dad.

I’m sorry but your mum is a total cow.

You and your son will be better off without his dad in your lives.

you are possibly in shock of sorts op, it’s normal if so. Feeling detached is normal too, but you will process this and you’ll get through it. You tried your best. Ignore your mum, views like that are why women stay in abusive or unhappy relationships. You need a clean break from ex so no he absolutely can’t see your son at your place. Don’t even let him cross the threshold. Everrtthing happens for a reason . You will meet someone better for you. X

You’ve got an emotionally depriving mum and same dynamic with partner maybe? Be kind to yourself first off. You’ll survive this and grow from it. Get some therapy if you can x

Well done for making the right decision even though it’s so hard. With luck you are not even halfway through your life yet. You have so many years of happiness ahead of you. When you look back on your life I am sure you will be glad you pulled the plaster off now and not any later. And thank goodness you have your son.

Could you afford to see a therapist to help you process all this?

Fuck him.

I’m really sorry. I dated a man a bit like this. He had another woman at his work location. When I found out, she was about to give birth.

You’re still pretty young so plenty of life left to live the way you want to. We make mistakes and stay where we shouldn’t sometimes. But at least you have taken control of the situation. Oh and him saying he expects you to stay at your house to see his son tells us everything we need to know about the type of bloke he is. Sounds so much like the type of twaddle my ex would spout. If you think he’s going to be an intermittent arsehole I’d consult a solicitor about your rights and access arrangements. I’d do that anyway as it will serve all of you. (And you can bet he will too).

He’s definitely been future faking you as well, ie, telling you want you want to believe.

As gamerchick said, he doesn’t get to call the shots. Start taking control of your life and making the decesions.

Exactly this. Sort himself out. Don't worry about future children, concern yourself with DS and be grateful u got DS imo. Maybe u will, maybe u won't. Ds is here.

Sounds like he used up your childbearing years in some sort of fucked up control thing.

He doesn't get to call the shots and he certainly doesn't get to stop you moving on with your life.

Take control. He can still be a dad to his bairn. Set in stone and child support. Definitely not in your house.

You'll probably find he drifts off. It's shit that you'll have to pick up the pieces.

I am so sorry OP. Its so sad. Am thinking positive for you and DS.

I’m sorry you’re in this mess.

You’re right to end it. He’s been playing at fatherhood, without the commitment.

However, going forward, don’t let him stay at your house. He needs to sort himself out, and start taking responsibility. It’s not your job to make life easy for him.

YABVU for wanting another child with this man.