To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

Oh come on, some people are showing their privilege here!
Don’t make assumptions about the birthday child’s parents being CFers, how about being decent and quiet and paying it? can you imagine the embarrassment of asking other parents to pay?
And for the sake of the kids who probably don’t understand or care what normal has been so far, don’t make a scene. Don’t you remember being young & the kid at school who was always without stuff?

Absolutely NOT normal.

I'd reply in the group chat thanking her for the invitation and asking her to explain how much the party will be costing per child and when it needs paying. Surely everyone else will be wondering. If this mum is sure that what she's doing is reasonable, she won't mind clarifying. If not, she might feel a bit sheepish, but that won't be your fault.

if I’m hosting as party it would never even cross my mind to charge people. I’ve always been taught that if you’re inviting you pay… some people are unreal…. If you can’t afford it don’t have it..

I would message and ask what they mean by a deposit as you aren’t familiar with that at all kids party. And see what they reply.

The depending on what the explanation is I’d decide what to do. And absolutely I’d have already messaged the people I know well with a WTF message!

This is a very good point actually. It's a nightmare trying to cater for something like this when it could be 3 kids or 33.

Although it's odd, I'd just pay the fiver.

I definitely wouldn’t do this, it will go back to the birthday child’s mother and create unnecessary drama.

That’s definitely unusual, and it really shouldn’t become a thing. I wouldn’t skip the party as I’d be curious to see how it all plays out, but I wouldn’t pay the food deposit either. I’d take food/snacks and drink along for my child.

Why would being confrontational help ops child out? Her child could be ostracized from future class parties or playdates and playground would be so awkward. We really shouldn’t start fights with our children’s friends parents it’s awful behaviour. We can goad about being better brought up than them to our own friends, or on Mumsnet

Jeezo what cheeky AF fresh hell is this? I wouldn’t be paying, or going. Have the party you can afford. If you can’t afford a party at all, then don’t have one..

ps I don’t like how only the child’s mum gets the criticism the child’s dad should be paying for his child’s party too! But, as I said below, this is about a child’s social life not the adults friendship circle so don’t pull your child out of a party they’d enjoy if you can afford it just due fo
etuquette.
(I would take this back if mum sent a gift list round! I once got sent a bday invite from someone I’d only virtually met who was hosting a cake party in the park for her 2 year old and asked people to bring bits for a picnic… I didn’t mind that at all as it was a clearly stated that she wasn’t providing food for everyone … but then she gave a present list of girls clothes size 2-3, what kind of toys etc, that put me off going. However if my son was already friends with that little girl I’d have sucked it up)

DS dislikes pizza so I wouldn’t be paying for one for him. If you can’t afford a party then don’t have one

Naaah, that's not OK.

If DC isn't that bothered I'd swerve it, I think.

Totally agree. I would try not to judge the parents -maybe they are just desperate to give their child a party similar to their friends and this is the only way they can do it. Or maybe they are just new to kids parties and didn't think and will be super embarrassed when they realise. It you can afford it and your DC would like it, just go. Hopefully the birthday child will have a good party and not ever realise people thought it wasn't normal.

She’s a cheap skate cheeky fucker.

I’d message back “My child isn’t keen on pizza. I’ll send him/her with a packed lunch” and see what the mum responds with.

That’s really odd.

I wouldn’t set up a group chat, but I would message one of the Mums that you’re close ish too and ask if she’s had the same message.

I'd never ask for a penny towards something I'd organised for my child. Absolutely mental. Decline, the word deposit makes me think you'll be paying for the rest of your DC's meal too, I.e the full price of the pizza. If they can't afford to feed the guests, they shouldn't be organising something out of their budget. Unless you're happy to and are just shocked with the initial request.

I remember the days we'd just take a box of Malteasers with a few pound coins taped in the card. I was shocked when my kids were receiving £10s and £20s in their cards! Always happy to pay back the same amount in that case though. But charging guests... Psht, eff that.

I’d want to reply and say ‘sorry, I’m not sure what you mean - I thought for a minute you meant you wanted me to pay for the food at your child’s birthday party 🤣’

Very odd. If I couldn't afford to cater for a party, I would have it in the morning, and just offer snacks.

How embarrassing for the hosts. Why on earth would they charge? They should not be hosting a party of that magnitude if they cannot afford it.

I’m middle class and most of my kids class are too. There are some parents who are on the bones of their arse with kids in their class though. If they want their kid to have the same sort of party as all the others but can’t afford it, it wouldn’t bother me at all being asked to pay a contribution. The kids deserves a party as good as their friends party. Middle class parents can afford it.

Thats quite a specific situation though.

It’s not normal but it is perhaps a sign of the times - imagine that parents want a party for their child but can’t afford one & don’t want to let the child down. So they try this instead.
Not normal prior to the increase in the CoL but who knows, it may catch on!

If everyone just goes along with it and pays, it absolutely will become normal. Don’t do it!

‘Oh, sorry, we thought it was a party. We won’t be joining you at the paid event. Have a great time!’

This isn’t normal at all.
however, this are children and this is about your child’s social life, not yours.
if you can afford the £5 and your child wants to go, then I would pay it and take it off my present budget (just being a £4.99 book as present, or bubble bath or something) jf money is tight for you, you might also want to check if there will be any other costs to transfer first before you commit to attending.
£5 to have your child fed and entertained and socializing with their peer group is a bargain

I dont agree with the mums social skills here (if you can’t afford a party then do cake in the playground) but it IS happening so you should put your child first and don’t say anything to your child abut the parents being tight so as not to upset bday child