To wonder if charging people to attend a party is normal?

No absolutely not the same thing.

Any softplay type party my children have been invited to I’ve fully expected to buy my own food/tea/coffee if I wanted it. I wouldn’t have expected to pay their entry fee though.

Same as at a wedding, I wouldn’t expect to pay to attend the wedding and pay for my own meal but drinks, absolutely.

Of course the children were mean - laughing at the child. Just because they've been taught that behaviour is ok by their equally mean parents doesn't make it not mean behaviour.

I don’t think the kids were mean, it’s the Emperors new clothes. They were just saying what their parents thought, and what you and almost everyone else on this thread thought too.

You can’t charge people to come to a party after you have invited them. Not a kids party, and not any party. And you can’t say something is a ‘deposit’ and not explain what you mean and how much everything is going to cost.

She made a mistake. That’s all. Hopefully another child will have a party soon, invite her child and peace will be restored.

I would do that as well.

Invite the childl to tea next week and really make a fuss of them.

Oh, that's not good.

That poor kid was probably really looking forward to their birthday and now it's all off and they're bearing the brunt of this whole mess 😞

I hope everyone who is this mother a CFer didn't make their guests pay for any bar drinks at their wedding or at any other party they've ever hosted anywhere with a bar! Because surely if you're hosting then you pick up the bar tab too????

I wouldn't feel bad op, kids are resilient and its been nipped in the bud. You can always buy a bag of sweets and a birthday card for your child to gift at school. Maybe the mum has learned her lesson, it was silly and rude.

Oh GOD that is horrible. Poor her. She made a mistake on what was presumably her first go at hosting a school party, and one of the first of the school year.

It's a bouncy castle at a hall with pizza. It's hardly anything fancy.

and it would be easy to ask about the deposit if you're so inclined. It could be as simple as the child's mother getting tired of people not bothering to RSVP but then still showing up and expecting the child to be fed. They may even get the deposit back.

I don't think a bouncy castle with pizza is having too much expectations for a 5 year olds party. It's just a standard birthday party. I'd agree with you if they were charging £25 per child for something elaborate.

Bags and boxes exist. I just did my DS party and it was 3 shopping bags, I'm disabled and even I could carry that if needed.

Also its not £5 its a £5 DEPOSIT and this is that promotes the awful 'Keeping up with Jones' where people out do each other and others feel they then have to 'match it' and the base expectation gets driven up removing from most poorer peoples ability. Seriously don't be THAT person (but you clearly already are as you think this is normal and the minimum expectation of a party they have to have to equal others. So you already expect an insane amount out of checks notes a 5 year olds birthday party).

and if you don't have 'everyone' to pile on the bus with arms full of stuff to be moved? It can make things tricky and awkward.

I just can't begrudge £5 for a child to have a party like their friends will probably be having. It's just a bouncy castle hall party with pizza.

My Balkan soul is dying of shame on her behalf!

Yeah for me it’s either pay £15 to attend OR buy gifts… they wouldn’t be having their party paid for and a gift… no way!

So if the deposit is £5 how much is the full contribution? I mean surely children this young won’t be eating a whole pizza each… 1 or 2 slices and a slice of cake after…. Or are you all also covering the cost of the hall and bouncy castle?

I’d be upfront and ask if she’s just asking for a deposit to prevent kids not turning up and that’s refundable or if you’re actually expected to pay for your child to attend a party?
This is nonsense… I wouldn’t set up a WhatsApp to discuss with other parents as a group, I would message people privately though and just ask if this normal and see what responses you get…. Just an innocent ‘hey Miranda, I’m new to this party business and just wondered if it’s normal to pay for our child’s attendance? And is this instead of buying a present do you think?’ From @SittingOnIt

That’s really rude and also just strange.

i would just pay it and buy a cheaper gift but odd.

Probably because, as you can see from the amount of people on this thread telling her to just pay it, they know they’ll get some people paying it.

Absolute cheek.

Unbelievable

when my child was in reception year, they went to 20+ parties. Nobody charged. They’re CF if their kid has attended loads of parties and is now charging for theirs

Nobody expects Papa Johns.

maybe because they’re one of the eldest they don’t know how parties are going to pan out

No it’s not normal. I probably wouldn’t accept on principle. Or buy a rubbish gift

papa johns pizza is expensive which is why most people offer 5 year olds a ham sanger and wotsits

I would ask if there is any further payment, as deposit sounds like a first payment! It is strange, and something I wouldn't ask, however £5 for some food and a fun party isn't bad in the scheme of things, maybe the mother is being tight, or maybe she over committed and is struggling. Either way if you can afford it I'd go.

I would just ask her what she means by deposit. It sounds like she's going to ask for more money later

My daughter has recently been invited to a joint softplay party, you book yourself on and they are buying food.

I was loathed to buy two children birthday gifts when it’s cost me £15 to attend. I honestly don’t know how people have the audacity.