If you don't consider life admin to be a thing...

I consider myself a good mix of efficient, and can't be arsed. So most chores get done to a degree, without too much agonizing.

However even I can see that it is disingenuous and dismissive to pretend that this "stuff" whatever we call it, does not carry some weight.

Life is busy, we are all busy. Most households have every adult in them working. There is still shit that needs to get done, even small automated shit - there still has to be someone who thinks about it. It is a nonsense to pretend that the total of all life admin, summed up, still equals nothing. Especially if (when) it primarily falls on one person's (woman's) shoulders.

I too have no patience for the whole 'i can't work outside the home because life admin' argument, I work full time and do my life admin as well. But who benefits from us pretending that it is just nothing, takes no time and no mental energy??

It is a thing, it does have to happen, it does take energy. Usually but not always, a woman's energy

I agree with some of this, because I do think women often think things are more necessary than men do. The reason I have so much child club related admin is because I think extra-curriculars are important for my kids and he doesn't. Same for things like having a social life, sorting out clothes and having a healthy diet. These things occupy a lot of my head space because I have many children, who do many activities and who are picky about food.

You could debate about who is right. Maybe a lot of these things don't matter. But the fact is that when he is sitting around in the evening watching tv and relaxed, I'm checking the calendar, checking my reminders, filling in forms and then often remembering something crucial that I've forgotten when I'm lying in bed and just above to doze off.

I wouldn’t call complaining about something an admin task. That’s something you’ve decided to do not been forced to do.

I haven't read the full thread, but what gets to me is newly invented 'life admin' that companies throw at me when I do online shopping! These emails infiltrate my work or my personal emails and they clog up and distract from things I really need to do. I'll get a notice that there are things in a basket. I'll get an invoice. I'll get about 4 emails saying that the parcel has gone to a courier and that I can track it, then one from the courier telling me that they'll deliver it. Then I get one because they've delivered it. Then I'll get one asking for feedback for the courier service. Then I'll get something asking for a review for what ever I bought. Then the company I bought from will send me a marketing email the next day and for ever more! I spend my life unsubscribing f
rom things, but honestly, it's this more than anything that weighs me down!

Beautifully put.

Which dentist do you use that has availability in a week? 🤨

Life admin is a lot. I guess it does depend how old your kids are.

Over the last week, some of the life admin I've done has included:

Meal planning (every week) and grocery shop
Attending parents' evening
Speaking to DD's swimming teacher about an issue she's been having
RSVPing to a last minute party invite and organising a gift and card
Signing consent for a school trip and buying new wellies (as they were too small)
Signing consent form and paying for school disco
Organising costume for school disco
Checking new quote for boiler insurance (renewing next month) and calling to negotiate (managed to get it at £1 more than last year rather than £10 more than last year, which is slightly less work than changing supplier)
Writing a consent letter for SD's Mum to sign to enable us to take her abroad in December
Starting to research, organise and plan clothing and accessories for December trip (as we could be facing temps of -30 C)
Starting to organise Christmas gifts and look for good deals
Organising SD's birthday gift, (managing to get a deal through my BLC but that required me to purchase gift vouchers and then buy it using the gift vouchers) then co-ordinate delivery with her Mum

Still on the list is trying to work out the best dates for a theatre show that DD wants to see in December, a panto which a friend is starring in, and a light show.

Also just remembered I haven't yet paid for a day of forest school which she's going to over half term.

Checking our life insurance is also on the list of things to do as it's a while since we signed up and I want to make sure no details have changed.

All of them are small tasks in themselves but that's just an ordinary week, no more or less than the average week, and I'm constantly thinking of all the little jobs that need to be done and what the deadline is.

I'm very envious of anyone who finds it all effortless.

When I was single I also would have scoffed at the idea of life admin being a thing. Now I'm doing it for six of us with busy, complicated lives and ongoing health conditions in some cases and it's definitely a thing. Not because I choose to make it so but it just never seems to work out the way other posters are saying.

So this morning I'm waiting for the plumber to arrive, giving me time to phone the bank, for example, but is that a five minute task as mentioned above? Is it fuck. 30 minutes later I've been passed from department to department but mostly on hold, have got nowhere and that time is wasted because the plumber is now here (if you're lucky and he actually turns up) and I have to deal with that issue and hope to get back to the bank later. Plumber says boiler's dead and I need a new one. We're not in a position to throw money at any old boiler so I spend time to research the right one and the best price and I order it online (the next day I receive an email saying due to stock managing error it's out of stock and won't be back for six weeks so I have to start from scratch). I hear from the doctor that they have to rearrange my child's appointment - no problem, but meanwhile I've rearranged my work and booked in someone else to deal with my other child while doing that, all of which now has to be rearranged. Brother was picking up other daughter but can't do it at the new time and date so husband has to rearrange work instead. I need to use the app to make a payment to the school but of course it won't load for whatever reason so that's yet another thing I have to remember to redo, having already spent the time to do it and failed. Meanwhile the dog has been sick and I need to arrange to go to the vet and the only appointments available clash with other appointments so now something else has to be rearranged... I could go on.

So yes, when a call to the bank only takes five minutes, when everyone else does what they are supposed to do when they are supposed to do it, maybe it doesn't take long but in real life I don't find it works like that. I'm not in the UK, I'm in a country famous for having awful bureaucratic systems and that no doubt makes it worse, and clearly I need somehow to organise my life better but everything is as automated as possible, direct debits etc. but some things still do take time, they just do. And as mentioned by someone else, it's not just one thing that only has to be done once per year and takes five minutes, because as soon as that's done it's something else, and something else, and something else again.

By mutual agreement in our house life admin is my job, not because husband is useless, far from it, but for various reasons it works best that way for us. On two occasions over the past 14 years I have been hospitalised and out of action for a week (apart from having babies) and husband has by necessity taken on 'my' jobs at home - I was only working part-time at the time. He dialled down his own work to make time and 'be me'. Each afternoon he would be white of face and looking shell shocked. I would ask why and he says he just had no idea how complicated it could all be. I truly wish our lives were so simple that this didn't have to be a thing but somehow it is.

I call them my jobs. House jobs usually (as opposed to work jobs). My to-do list. And I do sometimes feel overwhelmed by them, even if they are part of every day life. So his week my jobs are::
Pick up a prescription for my HRT (I left this until the last possible minute)
Phone up the insurance company as the roof leaked on Monday (I phoned on Monday and builder coming to assess on Thursday)
Order hoover bags for tomorrow when the cleaner comes
Sort out a doctors appointment using my work medical insurance
Apply for two jobs whose deadline is the end of the week
Sort out papers for a solicitors appointment on Thursday
Get some specialist ear cleaner for the dog
Rearrange a doctors appointment for earlier this week that I had to cancel.

This is on top of my normal run of the mill jobs that I don't include in a to do list but I still have to fit in:
Daily cleaning, washing and cooking
Shopping and menu planning
Daily banking - I check my account every day while I'm having my morning coffee. Pay things I need to pay - l will have to pay for a school trip tomorrow.
Looking after kids and pets

And it's on top of a full time job. And exercise and a social life.

I don't have a disabled child (actually I do have 2 ND children) or an elderly parent, or a life limiting illness, but I still feel that my jobs are quite a load on my already busy life.

(I add to my jobs with stupid things like buying clothes I don't need which I then need to arrange to send back. or Vinted things I sell and then have to post).

Why do they need to be labelled? They are just things you need to do.

Are you sure you spent enough time thinking about it first, though?

I can't ❤️ react to this enough.

So, so true.

This thread reminded me I needed to book a dentist appointment. So I rang them and I have a book booked for next Thursday. It again took 5mins 😂

The think it's another one of things that (largely) women blow out of all proportion in order to oppress ourselves. cf menopause, mental load, performance parenting, school run behaviour. It gets talked up into a frenzy and before you know it it feels crippling. Like thinking how big your tongue is while lying awake at 3am. (do not recommend).

Yes, we could just occasionally pay a bill, or change mobile phone network or book a boiler servicer. Or (yay!) we could build it up until the task is an absolute monster, bonus points if we can load it with some resentment about other people not pulling their weight. To be sure, we all have patches in our life when there is more to arrange (elderly parents/ divorce/ sick children/ complicated house moves). But most of the time, for most people, the term does not add value.

It's all of those thinfs,being thought of and done by one person all the time. Or another person who never thinks of the occasional things (like immunisatioms, or the children outgrowing clothes or shoes they only need occasionally)

But that applies to all other household tasks as well, surely? I think I'm just not sure why the 'life admin/mental load' thing is being specifically singled out for criticism re. partners not pulling their weight.

I've just remembered something!

One of my children is Deaf (bilaterally aided) and wears glasses/contacts that require 6 monthly visits due to the rate of change in the prescription.

The other one is ND.

Both required hospital visits, meetings at school etc when they were children.

I'm aware some people's children will have far greater needs than mine did/do but even that wasn't particularly onerous.

I just hadn't remembered because they're both adults now and largely manage themselves.

My daughter is 200 miles away at university now and I don't consider visiting her or taking her stuff back up to her new accommodation after the summer to be 'life admin' either.

It's generally just something I need to do on [insert day of the week].

I think some people make it harder than it needs to be.

I believe by the time I've given it a label & a time slot in my busy schedule, I generally done it!

I've gone from being time poor (lots of work) to time rich (less work) over the last 6 months and I'm definitely using some of that extra time to do more Life Admin, especially finance stuff which will save me money in the long term. I've researched different savings accounts and moved money around to get more interest. I've gone through months of bank statements to work out exactly where my money goes and used that to help with future pension planning (as well as leading me to cancel some subscriptions). I've researched different broadband/fibre providers. I've also developed an emergency folder of info (ranging from bank passwords to where my will is) so that in the event of something awful happening to me, my family can sort out my affairs.

My banking app does that for me.

I wonder if some people remember things more easily than others and are very decisive. I have a huge amount of admin resulting mostly from kids’ schools and clubs and social lives. Things like responding to invitations and buying a birthday present, making sure they have the right kit, ordering school lunches etc etc. There are multiple things like this every day. For me the major issue is that I do all of it and my DP does none. Added to the fact that I struggle to remember it all. There’s a constant worry that I’ve missed a crucial deadline. So it’s not really the tasks themselves but the headspace they occupy.

During my divorce, subsequent house sale, name change etc I felt there was so much life admin I could not cope. Every single day I was chasing things on the phone and filling forms and checking things with my solicitor.

Now doing IVF I feel quite similar (and the road to get here).

When I read people talking about the 'life admin' and 'mental load' of arranging routine dental appointments, MOT, switching suppliers etc I do roll my eyes a bit.

Life admin is real but it's not always full on. The typical everyday stuff I just don't see as a massive job really - I used to get overwhelmed prior to my divorce but after handling all of that (it was a very contentious one) Ive been so happy not to be undergoing any legal battles that the day-to-day feels very easy to manage.

I don't spend hours but every few days I spend a few minutes entering what I have spent in a spreadsheet under categories. You know the endless threads about ' Will I be able to survive on x money a month?' I will never start one of those as I know exactly what I need to spend on what. I always know where I can cut back if I need and where I can spend more if I want.

This.