If you don't consider life admin to be a thing...

I do all the life admin and DH does more of the practical stuff, as I explain further up. I'm project management and purchasing, he's implementation. 😂

It works out fine for us but it's not "nothing". It takes me as long to do all the organising as it takes him to do the practical side of things.

I think people have different levels of how much it stresses them out or how long it takes them to decide about stuff. Some people will sort stuff out easily while others wont.

Yes, context really is everything. I have significant sight loss and can no longer read numbers so banking for me is a trip to town to queue and do it the old fashioned way. Same with most other things too. I also don't believe, none of the family do, in having everything on the phone as it's to easy now for systems to go down, phones running out or stolen etc. Yes it takes longer but it keeps me independent. And yes, I'm computer literate, have been for many years and I've helped many others in using pc's for decades but now I can only see on the big pc and I can't really take that shopping with me. Apps are useless to me as I cannot see which one it is let alone use the blooming thing. I'm not the only one like this, but we tend to be forgotten about

I’m actually quite happy with what I got done today

• Rang the bank and clarified my questions about mortgage
• Booked a dentist appointment for next week
• Rang my doctors and ask them for some results that I should have received-they will call me back tomorrow
• Messaged carpet guy
• logged on to pension App- got info
• rang my mum really quickly to ask her about a date for something

Alas, My luck ran out because I just tried to ring my daughters school to get some information on a callback on something that I would like to speak to a teacher about… and the office is now closed. I will try again in the morning.

and that was all done whilst working from home 🙌

You keep using the term ‘researching’, @BoringBarbie — which makes it sound like some kind of major project involving encyclopaedias, assistants and weeks of searching. Mostly in the contexts in which you’ve used it means ‘a quick Google’ or ‘Ask on the parents/area WhatsApp for teacher recommendations’.

Also ‘organising’ as in ‘organising a costume for a school disco’. (How much organising can possibly be involved?’)

Or ‘researching, planning and organising’ clothes for a trip to a cold country. Really? Cold weather clothing requires researching, planning AND organising?

Or ‘trying to work out the best dates’ for three events in December — unless about thirty people all need to make the same date, surely that just involves glancing at your diary and booking?

If you live in a deeply sexist household where you do all this admin because you have a vagina, that’s obviously a problem. But that’s a choice you’re making.

These days companies push most of the admin on to the customer. Before the internet came along, they had to employ staff to do it. Those of us who are old enough to remember paying bills etc before the internet are aware of how much more time we now have to spend on Stuff. Life admin, errands, messages, it’s all Stuff.

I think the term is fine, some people have a lot and crack on, some have a normal amount and make a huge deal. I find the physical stuff is better for me (paperwork, errands) and the quick stuff (checking the bank stuff. Some of the online and phone stuff is messier for me because it guarantees the kids will go feral at the same time. The online stuff is easier for dh because he’s at a computer all day and can flip between tabs. If I have a lot of computer tasks like taxes or the bs start of school forms I tend to need him to take the kids out. If he has a lot of in person errands he needs me either along with the kids or to have the kids elsewhere.

Mental load is kind of a to-do list. Some care a lot about a perfect split and some don’t. I think if it’s a perpetual list it’s easier to split than if you keep it in your head.

I don't think that is true. It is often the busiest people who get stuff done. Work/life admin expands to fill the time available. Some people are efficient and just crack on. Others overthink and procrastinate while complaining about how busy they are.

"Going for the messages" was a thing growing up in 70s Scotland. There was always the message bag hanging on the back of the kitchen door.

Everything can't be done simply with a click on a computer. There are times when the chatbots or FAQs can't answer my query.
Trying to get to speak to a human is a nightmare.

First post has it as usual . Life admin is part of life. Banking is a bad example. All banking is online now, you can do it on the bus or whilst waiting outside dc activities.

Having to care for an elderly relative in not life admin. It sounds like you have more to do for your mum. It can be overwhelming.

If you are ill or your child is ill that's not life admin or it is but only to the extent that's its admin in your life. For someone who just has to take my dc to hospital from time to time, broken limb, CAMHS stuff, a serious virus which resulted in follow up tests plus dental surgery this year it hasn't been too much to deal with. All the forms take about a minute online.

If I had a child with a very serious illness the admin may Feel like a lot.

Ditto pet insurance. Just don't have pets if it's getting on top of you.

I do a lot of "admin" for dc hobbies: paying bills and trips and equipment and scheduling around it. But that's life. It slots in with other things.

School is pretty bad for trips and payments and forms and things to remember. Again, it's just life. One day I won't have school aged dc and then maybe I'd have time to organise the church fair or help an elderly relative instead.

The trick is to deal with stuff there and then not let it all amass then spend hours like its a job.

Unless you’re a single parent family, you don’t do them all - DH and I divide things up. He’s as capable as I am at RSVPing to a party invite, buying the card and present and taking DC to the right place at the right time.

Until you've become a carer/responsible for people with dementia etc, I honestly don't think people get it. Same as if you're trying to work FT and have a child with disabilities, or have health conditions yourself, and have a terrible GP/social services. It makes a massive difference, even if it sound like X and Y should have the same amount of life admin.
It's like childbirth/sleeping through the night etc-it varies greatly for everyone. Pretty sure no one has zero life admin (if they're getting family to do it for them, I'd advise being very careful as one day they might have to do their own), but there's much more for some people.
Equally some of us like some things more than others. I'm quite happy with scheduling/kid's party stuff/online shopping etc. Others hate this.

I think it's a thing and the PP who mentioned 'me time' has a point - I'm currently on mat leave with DC2, and find it harder to fit in than when I only had one DC and working as I could do it on my lunch break/commute without interruption. It's not a lot but doing an insurance quote for example requires me to answer questions correctly so need to concentrate which is harder with a baby... so I wait until kids are in bed, but then it's 'me time' and I don't want to do it 😆. I've actually taken to doing it on car journeys at the weekend if DH is driving.

DH does a lot of the actual physical work of it- i.e. it's me who researched swimming lessons, got her on a waiting list, and bought a swimming costume, and added the date and time to our calendar, it's him that washes and dries the swimming costume and towel every week and puts it back in the swimming bag.

It's me that reminded him that today was the school trip and made sure she had wellies and that her wellies and coat were ready, it was him that got her up, dressed and into school on time.

I forgot to mention that she started singing lessons last week so I researched a good teacher, started a text chat with the teacher, paid her and rearranged our budget a bit to afford the sessions, but he took her to the lesson.

This works well for us as he finds planning very stressful, and I find the physical stuff hard, and I don't drive.

It is true that much of it is a choice. She doesn't have to go to singing lessons. Her Rainbows troop was short on adult help, so I volunteered to help, now I go every week, plan a lot of the sessions and attend training events on weekends- I don't HAVE to do any of that, but someone has to, if we want those opportunities to continue for girls including my DD.

It depends where you live and on which bank you're with. Where I am you are sometimes obliged to do stuff in person (renewing ID annually as an example), and the banking apps are so unreliable that it can be quicker and easier to do it in person.

Life admin for families disproportionally falls to women and I suspect that’s why it’s not considered “important”.

I work FT, we split the admin between us. I do all kid stuff (clothes, clubs, play dates, school admin, medical admin for all) and he largely sorts house maintenance, insurance, car etc.

Lots of it is automatic but some things just take time, eg. trying to find a suitable swim school with lesson availability was a mammoth job as a. their websites are atrocious and b. they’re all fully booked. I’d also love to live in an area where you just call one plumber or one electrician and they a. provide you with a quote and b. it’s not extortionate.

Fuck yes! And I am obliged to at least open and check all of these emails, albeit briefly, because when I HAVEN'T done that it's bitten me on the arse when one of the 100 actually contained important information that I missed and had to spend sodding ages sorting it all out afterwards.

The problem with these discussions on MN is that there are just so many people in different life stages and different family situations.

And people in different countries - is you are in the USA for example and have a few health issues to deal with then the admin side because of the insurance element of that takes hours a week every week - it’s exhausting.

It’s definitely an Irish saying so likely also used in Scotland.
it comes from before telephones and villagers would leave messages to each other and community communications in the local shop,
The local shop was, a lot of the time, also the post office, and the pub so going out to get the messages was a catch all for ‘ getting shit done’

I think the discrepancy between the people who think life admin is a thing and the ones who don't, is often down to how well you can work a computer, or how comfortable you are on the phone.

DP tried to return an item of clothing online the other day. She spent half an hour trying to do it before giving up and asking me. At which point I joined her, clicked a few buttons and bam, done. I just instinctively know where the right buttons to press are, and how to get to the right bit of the site etc.

And this happens with almost all online interactions for her. Even when she know what to do, it for some reason won't work for her. And then I come in and do the same thing, and it works. So what should be a 5 minute job, becomes half an hour. And if you've got 5 5 minute jobs, suddenly that's a whole evening of "life admin"

I, on the other hand, cannot work people. If I have to deal with someone on the phone or in person, I will almost always find them obstinate and difficult, no matter how polite I am. A situation I can describe perfectly by email, I'm incapable of getting across on the phone. DP on the other hand instantly gets her point across, and sweet talks them into what she wants. So a 3 hour repeated phone call for me, is a 5 minute job for her. So it becomes this mountainous "life admin" thing for me, but not for her.

Luckily for us, we're not both computer illiterate, so I can take her 5 hours of life admin, and do it while eating a sandwich on lunch. Unfortunately she's less good at pretending to be a bloke on the phone, so I can't hand off my phone related and real life life admin to her.

giving me time to phone the bank, for example, but is that a five minute task as mentioned above? Is it fuck. 30 minutes later I've been passed from department to department but mostly on hold, have got nowhere

Navigating your way through phone systems is a PITA, granted, but I genuinely can't remember the last time I phoned my bank. It was years ago. What are people phoning their bank about when everything can be done quickly through banking apps?

🤣🤣🤣

They're just things to be done. They don't need a name.
I think nowadays people like to give everything a name to make it sound important.
I just get on with it.

i think part of it is that the woman is also often expected to be the person who organises who does what as well, and when. There have been plenty of threads where the more physical household tasks are carried out equally, but the "life admin" ones all fall to one person who is expected to create a rota (if that's how they do things), be the one to add things to the calendar, and remind their partner to actually read the bloody thing.

So say for example parents take turns in clothes or shoes shopping. One partner happily takes them when told that it's their turn, but they have to be told, whereas the other person notices that shoes are being grown out of, or clothes are getting tatty, and knows it's the other person's turn and has to tell them to do the task.

I love my DBro intensely, but felt like shooting him every time he said it was my fault he hadn't done something in the house because I hadn't reminded him.

I agree with you - it's far from effortless. I don't call it life admin, but my to-do list takes a lot of time and mental load. Maybe its different because I am a single parent but I think when I was married I was still the one with the to-do list (I just tried to allocate some of the jobs to my then husband but they still remained on my list) (In fact I'm not sure he even had a list).