I did a childish thing, but it felt good! AIBU?

Just because you don’t work doesn’t make you his maid.

I dropped my managerial role at work and now do 2, 7 hours night shifts a week. My husband asked if that meant I would start doing his washing now? (Having done it for about 10 years) I said no. The cleaning ratio won’t change as I’ve always done the bulk anyway. I said if you see that room needs hoovering then do it.
I am not his maid, I do the general bulk though. He does his own washing, cleans up after he shaves. Last weekend he did a deep clean of the bathroom and stairs.
He helps make mess he should help clean up.

I am raising my mug of tea to you 👏
These are the lessons they learn from, consequences.

Actions speak louder than words. Well done hope he’s got the message loud and clear. He’s being childish making such a mess .

Lol at all the menz kvetching. Cannot help their wee selves. 😂 Well played OP.

So he has double standards. Rather petty but probably felt good.
He does however have the responsibility and stress of financially supporting 7 people if you have 5 kids, plus does all the cooking and runs the kids around? He's not that bad. Maybe your 'payback' will make him think....

Not only are you not being unreasonable, I’d repeat this experiment to really ram home the message

But the OP has told him. Sometimes dealing with a messy DP can be like cinstabtky nagging a 5 year old. I have a "messy" man and I do tell him and get accused of "nagging". So 9 times out of 10 I just clear it up. But now and then I "lose my shit" and then I just leave it, sometimes for days. He hates things being "untidy" and so says something and then I just tell him again how much it gets me down. He's good then, for a while, then off we go again. I read lots of this type if thing and think it's just how some men/women relationships are. That said theres nothing e dies that's worth leaving my DP for 😁

imo it's irrelevant whose job it is to do the housework. Tidying up after yourself isn't housework. Everyone over the age of 3 in a household should be tidying after themselves, ie picking up their own toys, clearing up their own beard trimmings, wiping it up if they spill something, etc.

I love this. It’s not spiteful or OTT, it’s just a perfectly satisfying way to let off some steam. Hope it made you feel a bit better!

Try jam doughnuts next time.

Exactly. If you complain they think 'nag'. When they left to feel the pain they start getting it. I hear you and u totally did the right thing. Not childish. U training him to understand that it's not ok to let the kids trash the house. The car is his space and he doesn't like it filthy. Well same for u. House is Ur thing and u don't like it filthy either. I reckon u did exactly what needed to be done.

And OP who said he doesn't 'deliberately' trash the house... Well he kinda does. He can't be bothered controlling the kids and it's not him who will tidy the mess, so who cares. He might start caring now.

"He owns two houses. One in which we live. I own nothing."

That was you on the 15th of September, OP. You pretty much accused him of being financially abusive, and he told you that you're a loser who'd done nothing with her life. Now he's just a bit messy, but you love and value him as an equal?

I think you made your point perfectly 🤣

Sit him down, without children, and, first, tell him you love him, then list three things he does around the home that you really like and for which you are very grateful and that he's sexy when he does them and it makes you love him even more. Then say "but it makes me feel unloved as though you see me as a maid and not your wife, when. . ." important to only list ONE thing, these are tiny baby steps here. Say it calmly, give him a smooch. Then shut up. Shutting up is the hard part as you will want to say more. Don't unless he asks something specific, then give a small answer, don't elaborate, yes or no is best.

Sit there with him silently, put your hand on his thigh, and let him process. These are baby steps, when you are silent he can move because when you are silent that is when you are holding his arms and letting him walk. When he does whatever it is you want him to do, notice it, appreciate it, give him a peck. When he does it consistently over many days, give him a kiss. Tell him he's a great husband.

It's definitely better than LTB. Well done for fighting for your marriage.

And your thread from not that long ago where you were asking if he was financially abusive and he was calling you a loser?

With the situation of eating the sausage rolls in the car, in his place I'd have expected you to tidy it up afterwards so it was similar to the way you found it.

But he doesn’t do that with the house

That's a load of bollocks, @b1anche , not the opposite scenario

So many women on here seem to have loser husbands who they treat like children and who treat them like skivvies. And then to rejoice as though leaving crumbs and greasy fingerprints on his car is some kind of radical feminist triumph. What a life.

As someone who is married to someone who thinks that 'tidy' is a Japanese martial art, I am with you OP.

This supposed to seem to be obsessed with the idea of people being economically 'active' or 'inactive' and not to consider the fact that value and contribution comes in ways other than earning cash – I inheritances, as you say, and also working within the household to enable someone else to go out to work.

When I asked wtf has just happened and was he watching them he laughed.
And what did you say next? 'What's funny?' would've been my next question.

EDITED for better word choice.

He sounds like a prick. Men like this are exactly the reason I refuse to give up my financial independence