College classmate has it in for me?

Someone took a dislike to me when I did a college course. Everyone got on quite well and we had to pair up every week with different people. There were only 3 men and about 15 women. The guys and some of the women used to go out at the weekends sometimes. One day I was talking to the tutor at the end of the class and this woman barged in front of me and asked the tutor if she'd like to go out with them on the next night out. She turned to me and said "Not you!" And gave me a dirty look. I just laughed and said oh ok. But I was quite shocked as it seemed unnecessary. When I was doing a presentation she talked loudly through it and said it was boring. I just ignored her and carried on but the tutor told her to be quiet and stop being rude.

I enjoyed the course and needed to keep going as my mum had recently died and it was taking my mind of it for a couple of hours a week. I don't know what I did but sometimes people are just odd and weird and unpleasant and are not worth your energy getting upset over or trying to appease. It can take a while to settle into a college course and people do drop out and people work with others so you may not be with this person as much. I would say that maybe she seems a bit threatened by you and is insecure or maybe she's just a rude cow. Don't give up yet - see what happens. You have done well taking the first step and I wish you all the best.

Please don't think of giving up your course because of this woman. Have you ever tried asking ChatGPT for help? They can give you really good advice on how to frame the way you speak to her. I took its advice over how to approach something difficult with a sibling and it was a really really useful tool. I think it's a good idea to channel somebody who you really admire and just behave how you think they would behave. I'd go for Michelle Obama!

If she talks over you, do you feel strong enough to apologise and say you are softly spoken so she must not have realised you hadn’t finished speaking. Ask her if she is okay to let you finish your sentence.
if she says no, then next time she does it, try to be strong enough to say you hadn’t finished. As she didn’t let you finish last time, you are now having your turn and then it’s her turn.
if she then has a go at you, try saying you consider turn taking to be polite. Today isn’t the first time she has talked over you and you are sure she doesn’t want to come over as rude but is there a reason why she doesn’t it.
honestly, if she then goes on and insults you, just say, well that really wasn’t polite was it and smile. After that, raise it with a tutor as it will be the only way to get the woman in line

You may not have been quite ready to 'get back out into the world just yet' OP, but you're there now, and have presumably paid for the course, so please DO NOT QUIT!! Brave it out, follow the advice people here have given you, and don't let her get more out of the course than you do. By that I mean, don't let her be the one who gets to lead the group, just because she speaks louder, or is more pushy, you likely have just as much to contribute, and possibly more, don't be a wallflower, speak up, and show her, and everyone else that you have just as much right to be heard as she has.

This is the approach is take too. Ask her “Did you mean to be so rude?” and wait for her to answer.

Also if there is a reason such as race or any other prejudice burn her to the ground

Does it matter OP? I would argue not. Her emotions are not your responsibility.

You've h had some really good advice on here. Perhaps an option could be, when you are starting that day's group work, suggesting a couple of ground rules like respect for other opinions and not interrupting others. Benefits as follows:

• Completely innocuous suggestion
• No-one is likely to disagree
• If she tries it again, the spotlight will immediately shine on her in front of the entire group, especially if someone reminds her of the agreed rules.

Don't give up on the course, you are worth it.

If she talks over you hold your hand up and say I am sorry but I have not finished
If she picks fault with you talk to your tutor
If you are brave ask her why she is so negative to you (in front of others)

It is her problem not yours do not let it spoil your education

Why does it hurt though? It's just part of life. Everyone rubs someone up the wrong way for absolutely no reason sometimes. You've just found someone who can't stand you, that's their problem, not yours.

You've probably not even done anything to annoy her. She may just have taken an irrational dislike to you. There was a guy I used to work with, let's call him Steve (for that was his name). I absolutely loathed Steve. I couldn't tell you why, everyone else seemed to like him, on paper he seemed like a nice guy. There was just something about him that I found really unpleasant to be around, made my skin crawl. I never let it show, at least I hope not. I hope I hid it better than your college person did at least.

And then one day I'm in the pub after work with a bunch of other colleagues, and we bump into my Dad. He says Hello, I introduce my colleagues, and we have a short conversation. My Dad buggers off one of my colleagues pipes up "You know, if I didn't know he was your Dad, I'd have said he was Steve's"

And suddenly it all fell into place. Me and my Dad have had a somewhat turbulent relationship over the years. In short, he's a womanising twat, who has a desperate need for everyone to like him, especially women. He needs to be the center of the room, often at the expense of everyone else around him.

Steve was not like that, not really, but he was enough like that, and weirdly shared a superficial resemblance to my Dad, that something in my brain went "Nope, I've already got that bellend in my life, don't need another version of him."

I'd like to say that having had this realisation, I became firm friends with Steve. But no, I loathed him until the day I left the company. But at least I loathed him knowing that that loathing was more about me than about Steve.

Who knows why your course-mate hates you @DeflatedInDerby . She may not even know why. You may have done something grossly offensive to her and not realised, but equally, you may just be her Steve.

All you can do is accept that you can't be liked by everyone, and get on with your life.

Look up Jefferson Fisher on Instagram. He has plenty of helpful phrases to use in specific situations with difficult people.

Just say, do you mind if I finish my point? She can hardly say yes, and it’ll show her up as rude. Thank up to her subtly, and she’ll stop. Also agree with ignoring her, and turning to talk to someone else. Remember that people who do this have a problem with themselves, really.

I’d echo what many pp’s have said. You have to call her out on it loudly, assertively (not aggressively) and in front of as many people as possible. Even if you’re shaking while you’re doing it and you have to go to the loo afterwards to calm yourself down.

Very few bullies have the confidence to double down when asked what the problem is in front of witnesses. You show her that you’ve got the confidence to highlight her behaviour to other people and she’ll never do it again. You just have to summon that confidence the one time.

I'm so sorry. I'm going through something similar at the moment, at work. I'm stuck with her, but the good news is, if it's a college course, you're not. This will end.

In thr meantime, focus on forging friendships with others. Bullies are generally like that with more than one person, so other people will see her for her as well, in time.

Well, don’t censor yourself. Assuming you’re not coming out with offensive drivel, she’s just going to have to deal with not liking you. It’s her shit, not yours. Just engage with the course as and how you want. And what @GiveafuckGertrude said — are you going to get plastic surgery so you no longer remind her of her mean childhood piano teacher, or change your name so it isn’t the name of her school bully? No you’re not. Just focus on you and the reasons you’re doing the course. Ask her what her problem is.

Try saying “what is it?” First to get her attention (& likely others) then when she looks at you and/or asks what you mean you can then say “what is it that I have done to offend you?”
she will likely she doesn’t know what you mean or some other bluster, to which you say “Then please stop speaking to me like that or stop speaking over me”

you say the first part to get the attention - also of others around you .. they should have clocked her doing this to you too

Please don't give up your course because of this. As a couple of posters have said, and the same is true of me - there is often one person who takes against me from the start. It could be jealousy.

Ask her point blank if you’ve done something to offend her.

I think you always get a horrible person wherever you go. It's not about you. She just senses your vulnerability. Stay strong.

Who cares why she doesn’t like you. You might look like someone who stole her lunch when she was in year 5, or sound like a snotty health visitor she once had. It’s her problem. Pretend to be someone you know who is confident and takes no shit and do what you think they would do.

Everywhere I’ve ever been, there seems to be just one person who hates me on sight! Everyone else, great, (sometimes have become very longtime friends). I don’t know if it’s a ‘them’ thing or a chemical thing, or something else??
it’s a very hard thing to navigate - especially if you are like me, very non confrontational. I don’t really have any tips, I never quite worked it out, but these people tend to be transitional, short term pain in the asses, and the good ones stick for ever. 💕

Call her out. Every time. Especially in front of others.
"Do you have to be so rude?. I am talking."

Some people are just dicks and will take against someone for no other reasons. This is not something you have done, this is something they are doing. If you feel unable to ask her what her issue is, then reframe it to she has the issue not you.