Page 5 | What age would you let your child do this train by themself?

PrivatePrivacy · 2025-10-21T18:12:54+00:00

She is sensible. I have no concerns about her walking around York alone or with a friend. We've caught the train loads (to York and elsewhere). But there have never been any real issues other than delays. She has never caught a train by herself. Over summer we went to a much smaller station (that we go to regularly) and she would have got the wrong train back if I hadnt been there which concerns me. York is about 1.5hr direct train. Trains back are maybe every 1.5hr and finish quite late. She wants to go with a boy she has known a few weeks and we've never met. They boy has never been on a train. I want to get the same train there (sat in a separate carriage), then they can go off and do their thing in York while I do mine and then we catch the same train back (again I'll sit separately to them). She thinks I shouldnt go. I just want to make sure they get the right train back.

ethelredonagoodday · 22/10/2025 07:18

My 12 year old son catches the train regularly to school, and earlier in the year did a long train journey with a change in Leeds travelling from grandparents back to home. Despite me having reservations, he was absolutely fine.
I think I’d be less worried about the train and more about the boy. As others have said, how does she know him?

Ohmygodthepain · 22/10/2025 07:17

My DC were travelling between York and Peterborough regularly from about 12yo to visit their dad.

My concern would be the walk from the station to the city centre as it's not very intuitive. At 15 she could be up to all sorts closer to home, a train ride to a familiar city is fairly safe.

I had my first snog on a train home from Birmingham at 14... Ah....

NerrSnerr · 22/10/2025 07:14

If it was a newer female friend would it have made a difference? I was definitely getting the train a similar distance age 14/15 and that was the days before mobiles.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this, if you want to know him why not meet him before? Could you invite him round?

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 22/10/2025 07:14

Cantseetreesforthewood · 22/10/2025 06:22

Seeing the update about it being a kid from school and her age, I'd let her go.

If you are insistent about being in York thst day, what about getting a later train to York, and meeting up with them for the homeward journey? I think exactly the same train both ways would be overkill.

This sounds like a good idea

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 22/10/2025 07:09

RubySquid · 22/10/2025 07:08

Why is the fact it's a boy an issue?! Is she more unsafe strolling round York with him than hanging around locally?

Id have no problem knowing it's an actual physical school friend not someone off the Internet

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OK fair point.

I should have said 'not with a friend she has only known for a short amount of time'.

RubySquid · 22/10/2025 07:08

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 22/10/2025 07:01

OP i let DD go to london from our house which is an hour on a fast train from home. She was 15 then. But with a long standing friend and not a boy and also super confident getting the train and the walk from the station to the west end.

I think i would say no to a boy.

Why is the fact it's a boy an issue?! Is she more unsafe strolling round York with him than hanging around locally?

Id have no problem knowing it's an actual physical school friend not someone off the Internet

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 22/10/2025 07:01

OP i let DD go to london from our house which is an hour on a fast train from home. She was 15 then. But with a long standing friend and not a boy and also super confident getting the train and the walk from the station to the west end.

I think i would say no to a boy.

RubySquid · 22/10/2025 07:00

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 23:31

🤣 I'll tell her. Im not going to hide behind newspapers or bushes around York. I can see how it came across that way though and it made me laugh!

No, Id need to go by train to rescue them or rope a (reluctant) relative in. That's another reason why Im thinking it might be sensible to be in York for her first trip alone?

Edited

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Why do you feel the need to follow her on a train? Seems a bit overkill.

What are you imagining could go so wrong it would be necessary?

TheFiveLakes · 22/10/2025 06:58

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 22:34

Thanks everyone.
She turned 15 last week.

I should have said that the boy is someone from school and they'd be travelling there and back together. She's talked about him before so he's real. He is in her year.

They want to go to York because there is nothing to do by us (fair point) and she really likes York. I think she also likes the idea of the grown upness.

It will be over half term so very busy in York which is why Im OK with them wondering about there. As I say she is sensible with good boundaries and will refuse to go places she doesn't want. Sadly that doesnt mean much really but it does mean I'm not worried about him persuading her to walk down a quiet bit of the river etc.

You've helped me make up my mind though. Ill get the same trains. In fact, I'll do what someone above suggested and let them work it out and Ill just follow them and if they go wrong, let them sort it (with me hovering at a distance).

Thanks!

If he's definitely a boy her age from school, whom she's talked about for a while etc. etc. and she's just turned 15 and they're going during the day then you don't need to go on the same train!

Going on the same train would have made sense if she was 11/12 or if there was concern that the boy wasn't who she thought/ said he was (online/ older).

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/10/2025 06:23

At 15 ( yr 10) ? I'd let them go, assuming they have phones with them.

Cantseetreesforthewood · 22/10/2025 06:22

Seeing the update about it being a kid from school and her age, I'd let her go.

If you are insistent about being in York thst day, what about getting a later train to York, and meeting up with them for the homeward journey? I think exactly the same train both ways would be overkill.

coxesorangepippin · 21/10/2025 23:43

You need to meet this boy

Original poster

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 23:31

HateMyselfToo · 21/10/2025 22:58

I think following them without her knowledge would seriously damage her trust in you. She'll just start withholding information from you.
I think you need to discuss it with her. Only agree to something you're happy with, but stick to whatever you agree.
Do you drive? Can you go and rescue you them from anywhere if they need you?

🤣 I'll tell her. Im not going to hide behind newspapers or bushes around York. I can see how it came across that way though and it made me laugh!

No, Id need to go by train to rescue them or rope a (reluctant) relative in. That's another reason why Im thinking it might be sensible to be in York for her first trip alone?

OP posts:

OliviaBonas · 21/10/2025 23:04

I’d ask to meet this boy regardless.

VikaOlson · 21/10/2025 23:01

I think a 15 year old is fine to take a train to the city with a school friend in half term.
I'd definitely let my 15 year old do that.

HateMyselfToo · 21/10/2025 22:58

I think following them without her knowledge would seriously damage her trust in you. She'll just start withholding information from you.
I think you need to discuss it with her. Only agree to something you're happy with, but stick to whatever you agree.
Do you drive? Can you go and rescue you them from anywhere if they need you?

titchy · 21/10/2025 22:47

So she does know him? In which case why don’t you introduce yourself to him when you see her onto the train and let them have a nice day out? Given you know he’s not a 40 year old bloke grooming her it seems massively over the top to follow them on the train - it’s the sort of thing parents of 8 year olds do when they let their child cross the road by themselves. It’s York by train, not Beirut by camouflaged truck.

Original poster

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 22:34

Thanks everyone.
She turned 15 last week.

I should have said that the boy is someone from school and they'd be travelling there and back together. She's talked about him before so he's real. He is in her year.

They want to go to York because there is nothing to do by us (fair point) and she really likes York. I think she also likes the idea of the grown upness.

It will be over half term so very busy in York which is why Im OK with them wondering about there. As I say she is sensible with good boundaries and will refuse to go places she doesn't want. Sadly that doesnt mean much really but it does mean I'm not worried about him persuading her to walk down a quiet bit of the river etc.

You've helped me make up my mind though. Ill get the same trains. In fact, I'll do what someone above suggested and let them work it out and Ill just follow them and if they go wrong, let them sort it (with me hovering at a distance).

Thanks!

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2025 22:02

I agree it’s the boy not the train that gives me pause!

My dd would get the train to my folks from ours (we’re either side of London) at about 13 I think. The worst that happened was she caught Covid (or I think it was on the train that she caught it).

Going off to another city with a boy you don’t know? I’d say 16.

RubySquid · 21/10/2025 21:41

The train itself after about 12. The boy is need more information on

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 21/10/2025 21:38

My son caught his first train alone this summer. He’s 13. Grandparents put him on in Scarborough & he got off in York. He got sat next to a tipsy gentleman and found this amusing. He talked about it for ages so it must have felt like a big deal for him. It was for me.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/10/2025 21:34

London is a similar train journey from here : Summer of yr 8 for both of them. But not with a random ( one did it with their cousin, the other with a friend she had known since she was 2). Also I have family in London if it all went wrong.

tripleginandtonic · 21/10/2025 21:27

My son got a train aged 11. If she's old enough for a boyfriend she's old enough to get a train by herself surely?

Tagliateriroa · 21/10/2025 21:23

With a boy she barely knows, 16. Train to a different city with a friend, 13 but I’m used to kids getting the train and tube to school on their own from 11

HashtagSadTimes · 21/10/2025 21:15

Wolfpa · 21/10/2025 20:00

11/12 depending on maturity levels. You can track her phone if it makes you feel more comfortable.

some of the suggestions of 16 and above are ridiculous, how do we expect children to grow up if they are never given a chance.

By getting short bus/train journeys at 11/12. Progressively extending the time /distance/ who they are with.

I am one who said 16, primarily because of the boy. I would want to know who (the fuck) he is.
My 16 year is trusted to travel alone or with known friends (including flights).