Page 3 | What age would you let your child do this train by themself?

PrivatePrivacy · 2025-10-21T18:12:54+00:00

She is sensible. I have no concerns about her walking around York alone or with a friend. We've caught the train loads (to York and elsewhere). But there have never been any real issues other than delays. She has never caught a train by herself. Over summer we went to a much smaller station (that we go to regularly) and she would have got the wrong train back if I hadnt been there which concerns me. York is about 1.5hr direct train. Trains back are maybe every 1.5hr and finish quite late. She wants to go with a boy she has known a few weeks and we've never met. They boy has never been on a train. I want to get the same train there (sat in a separate carriage), then they can go off and do their thing in York while I do mine and then we catch the same train back (again I'll sit separately to them). She thinks I shouldnt go. I just want to make sure they get the right train back.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:30

HonoriaBulstrode · 22/10/2025 09:21

what if it’s rainy.

They'll get wet? Good grief.

I assume even a 15 yo is capable of finding a shop or cafe or library to take shelter in if they can't stand a bit of rain.

Well they won't because the OP will be there with her umbrella ready to stop her DD getting wet!

HonoriaBulstrode · 22/10/2025 09:21

what if it’s rainy.

They'll get wet? Good grief.

I assume even a 15 yo is capable of finding a shop or cafe or library to take shelter in if they can't stand a bit of rain.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:18

pinotnow · 22/10/2025 09:16

Some of these replies and the idea in the OP - wow! It might be raining, it might be busy, why go to York anyway?! Why wander round a city? Um, because it's nice and full of shops and other attractions. Meet up with them for the return journey - cringe! And why? Surely if he is a bit of a nob she is much safer in a public place than if they were in each other's houses. If he annoys her on the train in some way is she supposed to summon you so you can come sweeping down the carriages to wallop him with your handbag? Come on, this isn't the way to be helping her transition into adulthood.

Please just leave them alone to enjoy the day. The idea of you following them is just weird and may not even help. If they look like they might catch the wrong train how long are you going to leave it before swooping in and redirecting them? That would be so humiliating, whereas if they did go wrong, sorting that out independently would be a useful life lesson and/or funny memory. This is not the way to treat young people to empower them and build confidence.

All of what @pinotnow has said. Op please leave your daughter to enjoy her day out without being embarrassed by you lurking in the background.

pinotnow · 22/10/2025 09:16

Some of these replies and the idea in the OP - wow! It might be raining, it might be busy, why go to York anyway?! Why wander round a city? Um, because it's nice and full of shops and other attractions. Meet up with them for the return journey - cringe! And why? Surely if he is a bit of a nob she is much safer in a public place than if they were in each other's houses. If he annoys her on the train in some way is she supposed to summon you so you can come sweeping down the carriages to wallop him with your handbag? Come on, this isn't the way to be helping her transition into adulthood.

Please just leave them alone to enjoy the day. The idea of you following them is just weird and may not even help. If they look like they might catch the wrong train how long are you going to leave it before swooping in and redirecting them? That would be so humiliating, whereas if they did go wrong, sorting that out independently would be a useful life lesson and/or funny memory. This is not the way to treat young people to empower them and build confidence.

Silverbirchleaf · 22/10/2025 09:08

At 15, I would let them get the train. Its a direct train and There’s no changes. If they mess up on the way home, it’s a learning curve.They’ll have phones they can phone you, or look at trainline etc.

Many kids routinely catch trains from the age of 11 to school.

I guess my main concern is that she doesn’t know the lad well, but he is from school (and are you sure she’s meeting him, and not someone else).

TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 09:08

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

She does know the boy!!

BeeKee · 22/10/2025 09:06

I would say 12/13y should be fine.

I went to London at 14 during the summer holidays and stayed with a friend. We travelled all over London on the trains and did so much (when under 16s were free).

We do not give our children enough freedom to learn to make mistakes at a young age.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:05

So much could go wrong with trains, it will be half term and going to be very busy, what if it’s rainy.

😂Oh god this thread just gets better and better.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:04

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

She's already said he's a boy from school?!?!

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:03

You've helped me make up my mind though. Ill get the same trains. In fact, I'll do what someone above suggested and let them work it out and Ill just follow them and if they go wrong, let them sort it (with me hovering at a distance).

Fucking hell. I would have been absolutely mortified if my mum had done this.

titchy · 22/10/2025 08:59

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

All you needed to do was read OP’s posts to see that they’re at school together 🤦‍♀️

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 08:55

Glowingup · 22/10/2025 08:16

It’s someone in her year at school ffs. 18 - what a joke. People live independently at 18.

Show quote history

Brilliant isn't it. I was travelling on another continent on my own at 18. DH was in the army 😂

Seeline · 22/10/2025 08:53

She's 15!!

Show how to work Google maps and one of the train apps and let her get in with it. The apps even tell you which platform you need.

If they get the wrong train, they get off at the first stop and go back again.

There's usually staff in the platform to check it's the correct train, and other passengers usually pretty helpful.

Fully charged phone and a power pack and tell her to have a lovely day.

QuickPeachPoet · 22/10/2025 08:49

Unless she is neurodiverse, why isn't she capable of following a train timetable and getting on the right train? There are boards in the station, information on Trainline.

Gloriia · 22/10/2025 08:44

Beedeeoh · 22/10/2025 08:39

That's a big drip feed, as she does know him?

Based on your update I wouldn't have a problem with her going at all. In fact I think insisting on accompanying them on the same train at their ages is really mortifying.

Yes most definitely mortifying and unnecessary. At 12 yes, not 15.

Gloriia · 22/10/2025 08:43

I think 15 is fine to catch a train and go with someone she knows from school.

Just make sure phone is charged and that she's checked train times etc.

TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 08:42

pizzaHeart · 22/10/2025 08:28

Tbh it sounds a bad plan for the first date. So much could go wrong with trains, it will be half term and going to be very busy, what if it’s rainy.
Why can’t they do something like visiting a shopping centre or a bowling centre or similar or a cinema go around, have food and have fun? you could drop her off and pick her up and they would have enough of time together on their own.

If the teenagers don't mind the risk of busy trains and rain then they are not reasons to not go!

TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 08:40

TenGreatFatSquirrels · 22/10/2025 08:07

16 to get the train. That’s how long it takes to get to York from London!

18 to meet a boy she doesn’t know… stranger danger hello??

How on earth do you expect your kids to become competent adults if you restrict them this way? 21st century parenting is mad.

Beedeeoh · 22/10/2025 08:39

That's a big drip feed, as she does know him?

Based on your update I wouldn't have a problem with her going at all. In fact I think insisting on accompanying them on the same train at their ages is really mortifying.

Itiswhysofew · 22/10/2025 08:37

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 22:34

Thanks everyone.
She turned 15 last week.

I should have said that the boy is someone from school and they'd be travelling there and back together. She's talked about him before so he's real. He is in her year.

They want to go to York because there is nothing to do by us (fair point) and she really likes York. I think she also likes the idea of the grown upness.

It will be over half term so very busy in York which is why Im OK with them wondering about there. As I say she is sensible with good boundaries and will refuse to go places she doesn't want. Sadly that doesnt mean much really but it does mean I'm not worried about him persuading her to walk down a quiet bit of the river etc.

You've helped me make up my mind though. Ill get the same trains. In fact, I'll do what someone above suggested and let them work it out and Ill just follow them and if they go wrong, let them sort it (with me hovering at a distance).

Thanks!

What will you do for the day? Treat yourself ☕️🧁

What a lovely mum you are😊

TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 08:36

Dozer · 22/10/2025 07:58

Don’t follow them! Terrible idea.

Either say yes or no. I would probably say no since it’s with someone she doesn’t know well.

Don’t understand why you’re believing the ‘there’s nothing to do closer to home’ rubbish.

Why would you say no though? She's 15, he's a friend from school. What are you worried might happen? Of course there are a number of things that could go wrong but it's not our job as parents to protect our teenagers from every possible dilemma or crisis. They need to experience some adversity to learn how to deal with it!

pizzaHeart · 22/10/2025 08:28

Tbh it sounds a bad plan for the first date. So much could go wrong with trains, it will be half term and going to be very busy, what if it’s rainy.
Why can’t they do something like visiting a shopping centre or a bowling centre or similar or a cinema go around, have food and have fun? you could drop her off and pick her up and they would have enough of time together on their own.

OhDear111 · 22/10/2025 08:22

@TenGreatFatSquirrels She’s known him for several weeks! He’s not a stranger. She’s not travelling to meet him. She wants to go with the boy! Why cannot dc be trusted? There is no stranger involved but DD should introduce op to the boy.

My DDs both travelled to South Africa and changed planes at 13. We need to empower young people. Yes, these teens could miss a train or even get on the wrong train! So what? Problem solve and sort it out. They aren’t children.

Glowingup · 22/10/2025 08:16

TenGreatFatSquirrels · 22/10/2025 08:07

16 to get the train. That’s how long it takes to get to York from London!

18 to meet a boy she doesn’t know… stranger danger hello??

It’s someone in her year at school ffs. 18 - what a joke. People live independently at 18.