Been totally shafted

I know, it's disconcerting. I don't post much but I put up a post asking for help in selling my stepdad's house after my mum passed. Another user trawled my past posts to uncover a comment I made about my mum's abusive second husband (who she left over 35 years ago) - which wasn't even a thread I started, just a comment on a thread about domestic violence. My widowed stepdad is the loveliest guy, had been married to my mum for 32 years and the other user posted a "gotcha" by trawling my past posts. Some people have too much time on their hands.

Have you any idea why he pulled out?

Sometimes you just remember a poster, especially if their writing style is recognisable. And this ouster talks a lot about her long term gay friend. It’s recognisable.

You can use them as evidence. But evidence of what? He was thinking about buying together, seemed keen but then changed his mind. So what? People are allowed to do that.

Perhaps or perhaps not relevant however still weird folk with too much time on their hands.

You can't use messages as legal proof. I assume you went to the auction on your own and bid under your own name, and then signed for the flat with your own name. It's legally yours - sorry.

I’ve just done a money claim too and you’re right. It definitely said things like WhatsApp messages, texts and emails could be used as evidence of a financial agreement

Have you read the other threads? Her best friend has been the source of numerous family problems, some apparently quite major, over the years. It's unlikely that that's not relevant to her predicament

If you have some doubts about a thread advances search can be useful in deciding whether to report it for mumsnet to take a closer look - or just to decide you dont wish to invest in it.

Yep they do i had a stalker on here few years back 2 of them and one was a teacher.

You need to speak to the auction house asap, and find a good property solicitor, who can give you advice. I'm not sure anyone on MN is going to be able to offer you proper advice. You need urgent professional advice. Although you may have messages etc, that show your friend intended to purchase a property with you, if he hasn't signed any paperwork, then I'm not sure he's legally done anything wrong. He was abroad at the time of the auction, you hadn't received his share of the money prior to the auction and presumably he didn't message you on the day of the auction to tell you to go ahead as planned? If the answer is no, to all of that, then I'd say he's changed his mind or he never had any intention of purchasing the property in the first place. If he's now not responding to you (and assuming you know he's perfectly well, and not laying in a foreign hospital bed), then I'd be asking why he's just thrown a 15 year friendship away, and did he string you along for a reason? Only you know your history with this man, we don't, so only you will know if there's a reason why he might have deliberately strung you along. Yes, people can change their mind, nothing wrong in that, but he hasn't voiced that to you - and if he genuinely had, wouldn't he have told you well before the auction? It's a odd situation.

Presumably the flat is worth more than 20k though. The 10k was just the deposit wasn't it? So it would not be suitable for small claims.

The problem OP has is that she has bought a property in her sole name. He has not committed to any contract and the law in England regarding this is that unless you have signed a contract, you are not legally bound to buy.

The only person who has legally committed to buy the property is OP.

It's a bit like putting an offer in on a house. It's done in writing, there is clear intent shown but until exchange of contracts, there is no legal redress if the buyer pulls out. You can change your mind and withdraw at any time up until that point without penalty. This is what he has done.

OP has effectively exchanged contracts by buying at auction.

And it’s unlikely you’ll get a mortgage in place within the closure period to complete. Many auction properties aren’t mortgageable anyway.

I thought it was actually against the site rules now to do this

Just withdraw from the auction. You’ll lose the deposit but the seller would need to sue you to get you to compete on the contract.

If there are other people who would have bid and won then they are likely to just sell to them instead. It’s less hassle for them than taking you to court.

Try to step away from the emotion and start planning. The important questions are:

1. How long has he been ignoring you? Is he definitely pulling out or could it just be that he's got something else going on? A final message along the lines of "I'm getting concerned, are you OK and have you decided to pull out of the purchase because if so I need to know now" etc

1. How long do you have until completion?

1. How much money are you short on funding the purchase yourself?

1. Have you investigated getting a mortgage?

You are officially bound to continue with the purchase (though I've no idea how easy it would be for the seller to enforce this beyond keeping your deposit) so don't waste any time in planning to go ahead without him.

Going forwards, can you afford to run and maintain the property on your own? If not, you could obviously re-sell but if that's your only option it might be cheaper to pull out now and lose your deposit rather than pay all the fees to buy and sell. You'd need legal advice from a property lawyer before doing that though.

Good luck OP, it's a rubbish situation

Do people honestly bother to do this? On threads where the OP seems a bit of a weirdo I can understand, but relatively "normal" threads I can't believe people can be so bothered to check up on OPs and find out so much!

You were mad to front the whole deposit. Why didnt he transfer his half from abroad and co sign the agreement electronically?

I had to take someone to court for money they owed me. Their partner was a law student and was very smug, saying that without a proper legal contract I hadn't a hope

However, when we got to court the judge said that the texts and emails exchanged proved his intent and I won hands down.

This was in the Small Claims Court. You can claim up to £10,000. You don't need a solicitor. I represented myself. It's much more informal than the courts you see on TV or films. If you're reasonably articulate it's pretty, straightforward.

They don’t.

It only takes a few seconds to advance search a username which brings up all the threads they’ve started.

How on earth do people remember other users from threads?? And what they are doing in their lives?

Sometimes it can give more context to the OP’s circumstances. (Given all threads are true).

To be honest - you sound dramatic and illogical

Let’s be honest, buying a house with a friend at an auction is a crazy idea, and it’s conceivable he might have had a change in heart as it’s such an unusual proposition. In fact, I’d say this outcome was foreseeable…as it’s so niche. Plus he was abroad so hardly totally invested in this, it seems like a fever dream.

People are allowed to withdraw consent, and he did it at a time where he isn’t actually responsible for anything. I’m not sure what you would be suing him over, it’s not totally straightforward that your messages between each other would count as a binding contract where he owes you money. It seems like you entered a binding contract in the auction yes, but his name isn’t involved with that. So yes, you personally may be facing legal claims for the funds…but your friend isn’t necessarily liable. The auction isn’t going to chase him, and ultimately the auction contract is in your name so I can’t see a court finding him liable for the funds either.

If you got the place at a decent price & it doesn’t need tons of work then try to get a mortgage yourself if the figures stack up, or the see if you can get someone else to go in with you

I hate AI, it's just pulling random shit together that doesn't even work for the specific situation. Everyone thinks they're an expert!

OP, what do you mean they pulled out? Did he message you and say he was out, or has he just disappeared? Is he okay? This is your long term best friend of many years.