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I cancelled overseas work trip for my wife’s fake 'wedding'… & still made to do the school run today?

112 replies

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 17:06

I need a reality check - exactly as the title says!

My wife and I both travel for work. October is a critical month for me — it’s when key matters need to be handled in person, ending with a major event.

Months before, she had two potential off-and-on trips coming up — one for her job (corporate, less flexible) and one for an old friend’s Mediterranean destination “wedding.”

Because her work can’t move as easily as mine, I let her have first choice of dates so I could plan around her. Her company took weeks to confirm, and when she finally did, her trip clashed perfectly with mine.

Her dad kindly offered to cover the couple of days we’d both be away, but when she decided to fly straight from the work trip to the wedding, it meant he’d be stuck with the kids much longer. He was stressed about it, so I toook the and cancelled my trip altogether.

At the last minute, her work trip was cancelled anyway — too late for me — but she still went to the “wedding.” last week.

Before she left she did the usual ASOS fashion show of her new outfits. None of it looked remotely ‘wedding’ — more pool party clothes - asked if it was a Beach Wedding? That’s when she first said wasn’t the wedding, that 'already happened'.

The next day as we were talking as she was leaving and asked about the theme of the Reception… That too 'already happened' - ages ago. This was the Post Wedding Party.

Anyway she arrives. Don't hear at all from her for the 5 days - odd - no photos of party/beach/venue.

When she got home I asked about the 'Wedding' Party. You guessed it, the party already 'happened'. In short it was your average island villa-party holiday. How silly I felt!

That I could probably have shrugged off, but next thing out of her mouth after the fake wedding was she has to in in meetings by '7:30 a.m. tomorrow' so I have to do the school run!

I said no — and nothing was going to change my mind. I never ever say no but this time it felt good! I felt I was on the side of righteousness!

This morning I wake up to her voice on the baby monitor talking to the kids in the other room. She sneaked out ridiculously early to work for her meeting and I would be forced to miss mine and do her obvious turn for school run.

The kicker? After my trip got canceled, I’d rearranged everything and used miles to turn my postponed trip into a family one! We fly tomorrow and I honestly feel so used and deflated. I know she doesn't mean to be like this but I am stuck on what to do next?

OP posts:
Zempy · 21/10/2025 20:28

LTB

gamerchick · 21/10/2025 20:28

She's going to leave you eventually OP. When you treat someone with contempt, it's just a matter of time.

I'd get a plan going on the back burner for when that happens.

WallaceinAnderland · 21/10/2025 20:23

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 19:41

But 'when' do you give up?

I still see and love the person but I know that at the end of the day I'm not being treated as I deserve and being hurt in the quiet life. If I right now give in and get off the one mountain I am standing on - we moved forwards but a bit of me dies inside and today I don't feel like there is much of me even left. Or shall I leave for the airport now, without my wife - my amazing girls and just go to 'work'. If I do that, maybe the gift of missing me may work - but I know how she is seeing things, I would have abandoned her.

She doesn't understand why and I can't get through to her

You will never give up. This is your life forever. Or until she leaves you.

Luckyingame · 21/10/2025 20:22

CatchTheWind1920 · 21/10/2025 18:54

I was just thinking you don't hear men saying "bless you" very often...

Only one in my 47 years of life.

Anyway, it's all very toxic and not good for the children. I cannot imagine living in marriage like this.
I would start towards leaving your wife.

MagicLoop · 21/10/2025 20:16

She's a disrespectful liar who has been abusive to you in the past. She's not going to change. You should end the relationship.

Your manner/attitude in your posts is very odd. Simultaneously passive about what you should do, but oddly dramatic in style. She's obviously very much in the wrong, but I do wonder what the relationship looks like from her point of view.

EmeraldRoulette · 21/10/2025 20:13

@Daddydog my brain is not at its best in this terrible weather

But honestly, I'm struggling to follow

Did she basically tell a series of long and convoluted lies to avoid asking "can you cancel your work trip so I can go on a group holiday?"

plushcarpet · 21/10/2025 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Irritatedandsad · 21/10/2025 20:06

What a horrible relationship.
You are a doormat.

MsPavlichenko · 21/10/2025 20:00

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 17:06

I need a reality check - exactly as the title says!

My wife and I both travel for work. October is a critical month for me — it’s when key matters need to be handled in person, ending with a major event.

Months before, she had two potential off-and-on trips coming up — one for her job (corporate, less flexible) and one for an old friend’s Mediterranean destination “wedding.”

Because her work can’t move as easily as mine, I let her have first choice of dates so I could plan around her. Her company took weeks to confirm, and when she finally did, her trip clashed perfectly with mine.

Her dad kindly offered to cover the couple of days we’d both be away, but when she decided to fly straight from the work trip to the wedding, it meant he’d be stuck with the kids much longer. He was stressed about it, so I toook the and cancelled my trip altogether.

At the last minute, her work trip was cancelled anyway — too late for me — but she still went to the “wedding.” last week.

Before she left she did the usual ASOS fashion show of her new outfits. None of it looked remotely ‘wedding’ — more pool party clothes - asked if it was a Beach Wedding? That’s when she first said wasn’t the wedding, that 'already happened'.

The next day as we were talking as she was leaving and asked about the theme of the Reception… That too 'already happened' - ages ago. This was the Post Wedding Party.

Anyway she arrives. Don't hear at all from her for the 5 days - odd - no photos of party/beach/venue.

When she got home I asked about the 'Wedding' Party. You guessed it, the party already 'happened'. In short it was your average island villa-party holiday. How silly I felt!

That I could probably have shrugged off, but next thing out of her mouth after the fake wedding was she has to in in meetings by '7:30 a.m. tomorrow' so I have to do the school run!

I said no — and nothing was going to change my mind. I never ever say no but this time it felt good! I felt I was on the side of righteousness!

This morning I wake up to her voice on the baby monitor talking to the kids in the other room. She sneaked out ridiculously early to work for her meeting and I would be forced to miss mine and do her obvious turn for school run.

The kicker? After my trip got canceled, I’d rearranged everything and used miles to turn my postponed trip into a family one! We fly tomorrow and I honestly feel so used and deflated. I know she doesn't mean to be like this but I am stuck on what to do next?

Why on earth do you think she doesn’t mean to be like this? She is like this, running rings round you and taking the piss. It’s abuse.

Spudthespanner · 21/10/2025 19:59

BnuchOfCnuts · 21/10/2025 19:49

Sounds very ChatGPT to me….

It’s bullshit of one form or another.

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 (As the OP would say)

Ooodelally · 21/10/2025 19:57

She is rinsing the very piss out of you! This cannot be for real?!

ColinOfficeTrolley · 21/10/2025 19:54

I'm always dubious of these saintly men and their evil wives.

The stories are so extreme and sometimes unbelievable.

At least when women post they rightly or wrongly make some kind of acknowledgement that they may have played a part in ruining their relationship.

When men post it's always 'maybe I annoyed her because I loved her too much/tried to help too much.

If my husband fucked off for 5 days and didn't even contact our children, I wouldn't be agonising on Mumsnet telling everyone how wonderful I am and how bad he is. If be packing his bags quick smart and kicking him the fuck out.

Wallywobbles · 21/10/2025 19:51

I’d assume she’s having an affair. That’s the only logical thing and she thinks you’re stupidly and won’t notice.

BnuchOfCnuts · 21/10/2025 19:49

CatchTheWind1920 · 21/10/2025 18:54

I was just thinking you don't hear men saying "bless you" very often...

Sounds very ChatGPT to me….

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 19:47

BitOutOfPractice · 21/10/2025 19:39

How come you can now take a family holiday at your “critical” time of year?

Also, why are you using AI to write your posts?

Haha no - This is who I am. I'm actually a poet (and in my youth) and rapper (not a very successful one) 😝

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 21/10/2025 19:42

But what difference does it make to you whether it was an actual legally binding marriage ceremony or just a party to celebrate a wedding that's already happened?
She wanted to go, she went, she came back. Same as if it was a wedding rather than a 'wedding'.

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 19:41

WallaceinAnderland · 21/10/2025 19:18

I'm realising now this cannot be our life over and over again

Oh, I guarantee it will be because you have no intention of changing.

But 'when' do you give up?

I still see and love the person but I know that at the end of the day I'm not being treated as I deserve and being hurt in the quiet life. If I right now give in and get off the one mountain I am standing on - we moved forwards but a bit of me dies inside and today I don't feel like there is much of me even left. Or shall I leave for the airport now, without my wife - my amazing girls and just go to 'work'. If I do that, maybe the gift of missing me may work - but I know how she is seeing things, I would have abandoned her.

She doesn't understand why and I can't get through to her

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/10/2025 19:39

How come you can now take a family holiday at your “critical” time of year?

Also, why are you using AI to write your posts?

Nobodytouchmywine · 21/10/2025 19:36

This is one way toad marriage you are in. If you carry on like this it will totally drain you out until you have nothing left to fight for. I would very much recommend some good counselling just for your self to begin with and take it from there. And I wouldn’t even tell your wife you were getting help until you were ready to stand up to her and confront her. Even though she went through some terrible times it doesn’t excuse her narcissistic behaviour. Please get help!!

Daddydog · 21/10/2025 19:34

5128gap · 21/10/2025 19:01

The resentment and dislike of her drips from your post. Given she didn't want to speak to you for 5 days, I'm guessing she's no more fond of you. You need to do yourselves a favour and seperate. Or if logistics won't allow, then at least have a frank conversation where you agree how you will manage your joint responsibilities going forward so you raise your children as a co parenting team rather than like two cats sneaking around and hissing at each other in an alley.

That's exactly it. When I sucked up 4 years of basically abuse because she was not really out of all control due to the situation - I had to keep telling myself "this isn't really her - I can see the woman I love still in there". She's in there, it's just is there enough of me to keep going?

When she got to the other side, her mind basically 'deleted' the stuff she didn't want to think about so there this dark, grim chapter that was never resolved because only I can 'let it go'. She has no memory of any of it. Tried counciling, NLP, Talking therapy - which really helped. I'm sure it's just the fact we are run ragged that I am forgetting how to make it work. Time for a top up!

OP posts:
Daddydog · 21/10/2025 19:23

CatchTheWind1920 · 21/10/2025 18:54

I was just thinking you don't hear men saying "bless you" very often...

I like to think of myself as a renaissance man 🤭 grew up in a matriarchal family on both sides, house full of strong women, and only have daughters - guess that probably tracks 🤭

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 21/10/2025 19:18

I'm realising now this cannot be our life over and over again

Oh, I guarantee it will be because you have no intention of changing.

olympicsrock · 21/10/2025 19:03

I also don’t understand why you keep saying bless you. It’s odd in this situation.
Don’t make excuses for her lying and disrespect .

5128gap · 21/10/2025 19:01

The resentment and dislike of her drips from your post. Given she didn't want to speak to you for 5 days, I'm guessing she's no more fond of you. You need to do yourselves a favour and seperate. Or if logistics won't allow, then at least have a frank conversation where you agree how you will manage your joint responsibilities going forward so you raise your children as a co parenting team rather than like two cats sneaking around and hissing at each other in an alley.

TalulahJP · 21/10/2025 19:01

That’s weird she didn’t contact the kids. Which makes me wonder if shes been away with a bloke who doesn't know shes married with kids…..Not a fake wedding thing at all.

Id secretly be in her phone having a nosey to find the truth.

I know others may say that’s wrong but if I was about to walk away from a marriage I’d want the full info before confronting her about whatever has happened behind my back. There’s kids who could be hurt here.