To feel envious of friends who had DC in their 20s.

My DS is at nearly 20 years younger than all his cousins.

I just made loads of friends at baby groups and nursery who were in the same situation and now he has a great little friendship circle.

Many were 40+ when they had DC and therefore quite often there is little wider family support as DP are very elderly or deceased.

We do loads together as a group and they have pretty much taken the place of the wider family who don’t really exist for us.

YANBU but it is what it is, so you just have to enjoy it. There are pros and cons in all situations

I had my kids young - 21 and 24.
I had my eldest the same week I graduated and then completed teacher training. I was lucky as I had so many family members to help - my grandparents were early 60s and had just retired. I've been able to climb out the career ladder and feel very fortunate to have a lovely comfortable life.

I knew my husband was the one and we have been happily together for the last 16 years. My eldest is now 14 and things are feeling easier.
BUT it was all about who I was having children with and if I hadn't have met him until now I'd be happy to have become a first time parent at 35.
The one thing that has been a negative is how I have constantly been at different stages to friends - they're now starting to have babies. Weren't interested in my children when they were small and now only like to do things that involve around small children.
There's always positives and negatives to both.

Not for me! I feel very fortunate having children later. I wouldn’t have swapped it for the world!! I absolutely love my life and wouldn’t change a thing.

I had mine late 30s and all of my friends had their first either late teens or early 20's and so it's weird having a little one when some of them have teens. I do feel a bit jelly tbh. I want to have more but can't now. I also feel sad because my parents were getting older and another thing is all of my DCs nieces and nephews are quite a bit older so I'm imagining Christmas etc in the future and how it would've been nicer to have more around the same age. Can't do much about it other than tell my own child to try and meet someone sooner but sometimes life just doesn't work out what way

I feel I had the best of both worlds for which I feel so thankful 🙏 Partied and travelled in early 20s after qualifying as a registered nurse. Met husband aged 26 got married aged 29 and then had my babies .
Now aged early 60s I am now a grandma and young enough to help and have quality time with the grandchildren .Wizzing off to Australia 4 weeks today to see my son .
I am just lucky that the timings worked out for me and so grateful.

I had DC at 40.

I wish my Dad and both my DHs parents were alive to meet DC.
I wish I'd had DC younger so I could have had more than one.

But that's not how life panned out. On the positive side, I think I'm a MUCH better parent than I would have been in my 20s, when I was much more rigid and uptight about everything. And I can afford to be a sahm which I wouldn't trade for anything. I don't feel like I'm missing anything as I got travelling etc out of my system decades ago.

If I could choose I think I'd have had DC around five years earlier.

I had my first at 22 and became a grandmother at 43. For me that meant studying when the dc were small to get a decent job and not going out partying.

Younger or older, motherhood is hard and both have pros and cons.

I had one at 16 and one in my mid twenties.

When I see siblings close in age playing together I sometimes I wish I’d had mine closer together but when my oldest was young I was too worried about what people would think of me if I had two before I was 20. Even though they have the same father.

You’re really close to being out the trenches now
plus your kids still probably want to hang out with you! In a very short space of time they may not be so keen
i had my eldest at 25, middle at 28 and youngest at 32. I’m 44 now so eldest is off and independent but I’ve still got a 15 and 12 year old at home.

I didn’t have any family help in my 20s - parents of parents at that age are are often still working, my mum would have been working given her age but actually she was disabled.

my early career was so so hard, I kept it going just about but it was so much harder being the junior things were delegated to last minute as opposed to a senior professional who can delegate down

envy is the thief of joy, you can always do things differently. Try not to compare

I actually feel the opposite, though I can see pros and cons to both sides. I had my DD at 38. I always wanted children younger, but I met my partner later in life. But it has worked out well. I was able to enjoy my 20s and most of my 30s with no responsibilities — I travelled a lot, went out lots, and really made the most of that time. It was brilliant.

Now that I’m in my 40s, I’m much happier curled up under a blanket watching Strictly with a hot chocolate in hand. I still have hobbies and love going on holidays, but it just feels different doing those things in my 40s compared to when I was younger. I feel happy now settled-down and focusing on family life. So this time feels brilliant too.

We’re also lucky not to have a mortgage anymore, so I can work part-time and term-time without the stress of juggling childcare — something I’m really grateful for.

The only thing which makes me sad is that my DD won't have me around for as long as she would had if I had her younger. But, hopefully, I can be the best mum I can be for as long as I am around.

I do feel you, OP, but there are so many things I can do for my DD(3) now, that I could never have provided her when I was in my early/mid twenties.
From serious things like a stable, comfortable home and a job that allows me flexible working, to just silly, frivolous things like having enough disposable cash to say yes to punnets of strawberries, blueberries etc. in M&S.
A lot of my friends have kids in secondary school now, and we joke about all of us having to deal with ego and moodiness (Threenager Vs Teenager!)
Having kids sooner Vs later each have huge lists of pros and cons and we just have to roll with the path we've each chosen/been given.
I struggled with infertility for five years which slowed things down a bit, but on balance I am glad I'm a slightly older mum. I'm much nicer now than I was in my 20s, even if I feel the occasional sleepless night more!

It really depends on your circumstances, but I honestly couldn’t have imagined having a child in my 20s! I had my daughter at 32, and it felt like the perfect age - I had a stable relationship, a good job, and a mortgage. I’d spent my twenties travelling (and partying!) and wouldn’t trade those years for anything. Having a child in your twenties can make you grow up quickly, which can be great for some, but I always felt there’s plenty of time for that later. My twenties were about making mistakes, learning from them, and figuring out who I was. That said, I also love that by the time I’m 50, my daughter will be 19, and my husband and I will have that freedom again. I can’t imagine still being in the thick of parenting at that age, early 30s were definitely ideal for me.

Definitely pros and cons to both!
I had both my children by 23. I’m 33 now, one is at the start of secondary school and the other in year 5. We definitely feel very ‘free’ as a family now and I don’t envy friends the same age who are in the trenches of screaming babies and toddlers. But then of course I’m forgetting the fact they had all the fun and freedom throughout their 20s I missed out on.
Also I’m the only one of my long-time friends to do it that way. Sometimes we meet for lunch and even though I get to sit there in peace whilst they are juggling their small ones and still trying to drink coffee before it goes cold, I feel a bit envious that they’re all doing it together at the same time. I would have loved that sort of support network. I’m the odd one out and it’s a bit lonely, even now.

I think you could also easily find someone dissatisfied with having children in their 20s wishing they'd had them later. You've said it yourself, you've had lots of time to travel and you have a good career. If you'd done it in your 20s you'd be behind in your career and never would have had the chance to travel.

It depends, I had my kids in my late 20's and I am on easy street now. I guess I did miss out on holidays etc when I was younger but I have fantastic holidays now.
My sister had her kids at 43 and 44, she is still doing the school run in her 50's. My niece was upset because her school friends thought my sister was her granny. My sister DOES NOT look old I might add, she looks great. She is always tired though and finds the going tough sometimes trying to keep up with young kids. She says she wishes she has her kids earlier but she didn't meet my BIL until she was 40. I think fate has a lot to do with the age people have kids. Yes there will be people who actively choose to wait till they are much older but there are those who don't actually get the chance until later life.

Personally, for me, I am glad I did it the way it turned out for me. I honestly would not have the energy for small kids full time at this age and I am glad that if, hopefully, I have grandkids that I am young enough to lend a hand. My parents are too old now to help my sister so I help as much as I can when I am not in work.

I had my one and only dc at 28. I feel this was a great age for me. Had been to uni twice, under grad and masters, travelled a lot, lived in another country, partied etc. dc is now 14. I went back to do a doctorate when dd was 3, so my career continued. I’ve got a well paid and flexible job. Lots of free time, have travelled a lot with dc and Dh. Mortgage free. If dd goes off to uni in 4 years Dh and I are going to spend a lot of time in my fav location in southern Europe for several months a year. I can work anywhere in the world.

my two sisters had their first dc very young- 17 and 21. They are both doing amazing. Both went to uni. Bought houses at 23/24, married dc’s dad, and both have great careers and husbands. Their oldest as are now in uni. It was hard when kids were younger but it’s all worked out and they’re very glad they had their dc young. Swings and round abouts.

Whatever you do you’ll have what ifs

20s - what if I’d been older and had more ‘me’ time…
Early 30s - I had some ‘me time’ but not enough, and I’m still not even a young parent
Late 30s/40s - I had a lot of me time but feel like an old mum…

Etc

I was mid 20s, I think early 30s would’ve better suited my life trajectory as I’m still not done with some work and life milestones I should’ve got out the way first. Doing them alongside DC has been super stressful. That said if you’ve finished your professional qualifications, got married, own a house and can drive, then late 20s is a great age physically

I'm happy with my choices, but there's a trade off whatever you do.

I spent my mid 20s onwards with children, I'm starting to see the wood for the trees now they're 15 & 16. The expensive time is yet to come! But I'm also very aware of how quickly this time is passing.

I don't have a fabulous well paid career, but I do have a job I enjoy that pays peanuts. My "mum" friends with children the same age range from mid 30s to early 50s, with a proper mix of jobs and careers.

What I do like is that my parents were young grandparents in their 50s, and are still around and relatively active.

Swings and roundabouts op. I’m 41 with a 24 year old and a 9 year old and a grannie too. There’s no perfect age to have kids but I am grateful to still be young and active for grandkids

I had mine very late. I know plenty of mums with kids the same age as mine who are 20 years younger than me. I don't think there's a wrong or right way to do it. Do I wish I'd had mine younger? Absolutely but only by about 7 years. My biggest regret is that I won't get as many years with my kids as all these younger mums but I just wasn't ready for kids till I was about 35. Started trying at 37and had my first at 42.

I feel quite fortunate in that I was able to complete university, travel, develop my career, become mortgage free and still have my children young (21 and 27). I definitely condensed this time and sometimes wonder if it would've been nice to live more of my life "care-free"...

But then I remember I just used to get into trouble and suffered terrible hangovers, so alas - I am happy with my choices!

The downsides are definitely what some other PPs have mentioned though, the early years (especially with DC1) could be quite lonely as my friends were off doing the typical things that 20 off year olds do... It did allow me to focus and succeed, though.

Oh well. They’ve been through the same struggle you’re going through, with a bunch of peers who have no idea how hard it is. At least you’ve got friends who went before you. You’ll be out of the trenches soon, like they are.

Nah I was genuinely free in my 20s had a ball. Even if I had older kids now I still wouldnt actually be free to do as I please like I could in my 20s

This 100%